Outsiders what's next?
by theultimateoutsider
Summary: Ok, this is for those who want to know what happened next. Johnny is alive, well... eventually you got to read atleast up to ch.7. Pony is getting depressed and only one thing can help him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the original Outsiders. They are owned by S.E. Hinton.

Thanks to those that reviewed my story. I broke it up like you told me to. Where the dialogue is just one liners I didn't want to skip two lines. But, where it gets more like paragraphs I skipped two lines. Let me know if there are any specific places, where you think I should break it up or some places where I should put it back together.

I worked hard to make this essay work. The deadline was close, and I just started. Plus I was planning on going well over the 5 pages requirement that was given to us. I didn't want to show

Darry, I thought he'd laugh at it or something. He wasn't the type that believed that things could be changed. He was the one that always said things are what they are and you just got to deal with it. I didn't even want to show Soda. I don't know why. I know that out of all people Soda would understand what I was trying to do, but I still didn't want to show it to him.

But Darry was on my back about my assignment since the start, and when I told him that I'm working on it he wouldn't believe me.

"That's what you said 5 days ago too," he snapped, "but you didn't lift your finger to write anything." So, I _had_ to show it to him so he could see it for himself that I _was_ working on it. He glanced at it briefly, then started reading more carefully. Then he sighed and said,

"You are wasting your breath kiddo."

"How come?" I said.

"Well," Darry's eyes were all serious like, "they are not gonna read it."

"How the hell do _you_ know?"

"I know, just trust me." Darry said. "Your requirement was 5 pages right?"

"Right."

"Well, and you've got how many?"

"35 pages."

"Well, let's just say that teacher of yours is not gonna bust his ass and waste his time reading 35 pages of what some grease kid, whose 2 friends just happened to die wrote. He ain't gonna waste his time on it you dig, kiddo?"

"I guess," I sighed, "but I got to do something, I can't be silent, I have to say it, I want to SCREAM about it, Darry."

"I get it, but I'm telling you right now you ain't gonna change nothing, just wasting your breath. Even if he reads it, he ain't gonna read it careful enough to understand what the hell you're talking about."

"You sure can improve my mood, the big brother that you are. I said with disappointment, "At least I'm trying to do SOMETHING and not pretending that it's just the way it is, and nothing happened. I mean Johnny didn't even have a funeral. His parents wanted the money for the funeral from the social services people, but they didn't get none. So, no funeral was arranged for."

"Knock yourself out," Darry said walking towards the door. "This is just the way things are and you ain't gonna change nothing. I'm just being honest with you that's all. But like I said knock yourself out if that's what you wanna do 'nd write a 35 pages paper instead of 5."

"Yeah, that's what I wanna do."

"Well do it then."

"Well, I _am _doing it."

"Good, keep doing it."

"Yeah, I will. I'm actually almost finished. I ain't gonna pretend that nothing happened and it's ok, and this is JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE HUH?"

He just shrugged and left the room.

I was aggravated by then. I was really really mad.. I was mad at Darry for not trying to do anything about what happened, I was mad at Dally for making me believe that he was strong, but leaving me at the worst possible moment, I was mad at Johnny for dying - really, really mad at him. I was mad at the cop that fired his gun at Dally. I mean even if Dally's gun was loaded weren't the cops wearing their bullet protective vests, weren't they? So even if Dally had fired, they wouldn't get hurt 'cause of the vests. And besides, they could've just shot Dally in the leg or somethin' so that he'd fall, but not die. But they just knew who Dally was and his record and all, and they wanted to kill him, they wanted to rub it in that they finally got a hold of this hood and shot him. I hate them for that, I just hate them. I bet if it was a soc kid they wouldn't just shoot him like some mad dog, they'd be afraid that his rich father would make their life a living hell for that. I even was mad at Soda for being so carefree. I mean he's nice and everything, but how can he be so carefree even now when Dally and Johnny are dead, when things are rough all over the place? I don't' get it, I just don't get it.

I told Darry the truth, I was almost done with my essay. I kept writing. My hand was running across the lines of my notebook like a maniac. And tears were running down my cheeks, as I squeezed the pen in my palm pressing on it really hard as I kept writing, and I squeezed my teeth too- in anger. I don't know how long I was writing for, but I finished it by the time it was starting to get dark outside.

The door slightly opened, and Darry popped his head in. He was going to say something, but the expression on his face changed when he looked at me.

"God," - he sounded really concerned, "I thought you were getting better, Pony. I thought you were staring to get used to how things are and you started to accept things. I didn't think you were still in such a bad shape. I wouldn't ve given you such a hard time earlier if I knew. Don't be mad ok?"

"Ok," I said mechanically, "but I will NEVER get used to this, and I sure as hell will NEVER accept that this is just how things are ok?"

Darry looked me straight in the eyes and said in a really low voice, almost whispering "ok.."

I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. But food just wouldn't get down my throat. I felt hungry, but at the same time I couldn't look at food. I felt nauseous when I looked at it. And all the smells that I usually liked like fried chicken and stuff just made me want to throw up this time. I went back to my room, went to bed and tried to fall asleep, but I got a huge headache, because I was hungry. It was really weird, I was so hungry, but I couldn't eat anything and I couldn't even look at food at this point. I went back to the kitchen and looked around for anything that wouldn't make me feel nauseous. Chicken, fries, sandwich, corn, cake, I kept looking. Finally I grabbed an apple and took a bite - good. I grabbed another apple and went back to my room. I ate both apples in bed, and as the headache gradually disappeared I fell asleep.

I woke up shivering and with a funny feeling in my stomach. Shortly after I opened my eyes, and thought that I really didn't' want to go to school that day, Soda walked in, and he wasn't smiling this time.

We don't sleep in the same room anymore since all this stuff happened. I don't' know why, but I just like being by myself a lot these days. I love him and all, but I can't have him around in the same room all the time. I like to be by myself sometimes. And besides, I still think about what happened a lot, and I get kind of depressed and stuff and I don't want him to see that. I also wake up at night a lot and think about what happened.. I don't' want to, but I cant' help it. It's just there, in my head and it wouldn't let go. It's like a video tape that keeps rewinding in my head over and over again. Darry says it's called post traumatic stress disorder or something. Who cares what it's called. Anyway, if it was up to Darry he'd have me forget it all like it never happened. I know he just doesn't' want me to be upset and stuff, but I'd rather wake up in the middle of the night with the images of Johnny and Dallas than forget it all like it never happened.

So it's good that Soda isn't there at night anymore 'cause that way he can't see me being awake for hours. He is now using mom and dad's room. We left it untouched after they died in the car crash, and we intended to leave it that way, but enough time had passed and as much as we didn't want to, we thought it would be better to make use of it now.

Soda walked into the room. "Pony it's 11 o'clock. You were sleepin' and Darry said you were not feeling all that well last night so we thought it'd be ok if you missed 1 day of school. We didn't want to wake you up. Darry couldn't skip work today, but I could."

"Great," I thought "I don't' have to go to school today after all". But I regretted that thought a second later.

"The thing is, " Soda continued "those people from social services are here. They are making one of those "surprise visits" it's their new thing or something. Supposedly they get the _true_ picture this way."

As he said that, everything in front of me got a bit blurry for a second. - "they are here _now_?"

"Yeah, they are in the living room waiting for you to come 'n do an interview with them or something."

"How many?" I asked as I was getting dressed.

"5 of them, they seem like real tide assess too, I wish Darry was here for all of this. Are you ok Ponyboy? 'cause if you want I can tell 'em that you are not feeling well and are in no shape to do this today."

"No, no way," I interrupted "if you say that, they'd think that I'm not doing well and Darry isnt' takin' good care of me or somethin'. I just don't get it why they showed up today, they should've realized that normally I'd be in school on a Thursday morning and Darry and you would be at work, so noone would be home. This makes no sense."

"Who knows," Soda said "maybe they just wanted to check if in fact you were at school and Darry and I were at work. Anyway we better go to the room now, before they sniff something. I will tell them though that you should have something to eat before talking to them."

"Don't bother I'm not hungry anyways."

"Pony, you didn't have dinner last night and you are not having breakfast this morning what the fuck is going on? You wanna tell me huh or you'd rather tell Darry, which I think would be a lot less pleasant."

"Shoot, just bug off Soda... please."

He looked at me, said nothing, and started walking towards the living room. I followed him.

The interview lasted about 2 hours. My head was hurting so bad I thought I'd pass out right there, right in front of them. But I kept smiling and acting like I'm totally fine 'cause I didn't want them to get an idea that Darry didn't take good care of me 'n all. They were really boring people. They asked a whole bunch of stupid questions like when do I wake up in the morning and when does school start and what time Darry and Soda go to work, and who takes me to and from school. Like I need someone to take me at 14 yrs old. And if I like doing my homework, yeah, right. But I said 'yes I like doing it, especially essays.' I said it just to shut them up and I said it with such a sweet smile too.

Then they asked who makes breakfast around here and stuff like that. Then they asked if I missed my friends that died. I mean what kind of a question is that, of course I miss them, wouldn't they? Well, may be they wouldn't, maybe they'd forget it the next day 'cause they don't really care. Then this one woman, who looked much older than the rest of them asked if Darry has a temper problem and if he ever beats me and stuff. That got me mad, where on earth would she get an idea like that? She may have as well asked me if he was an alcoholic or something. I mean if a person had a problem like that wouldn't there be a record of it or something. "Darry works two jobs," I said, "and he never hit me in my entire life even if I deserved it sometimes."

Then they smiled stiffly and politely and left saying that they would give Darry a call with the results of this interview. And yeah, they took a tour of the house right before they left. Supposedly to see if it's all clean and sanitary. I hated letting these strangers in my room and I hated letting them in my mom and dad's room, which was now Soda's room. But I had no choice so I let them in.

When they left I thought about Darry for a while. Darry works two jobs, Darry works hard for his money, and that's why we can eat, and have less or more decent cloths. That's why we can even have chocolate cake for breakfast. And these people, who are they? They are supposed to help people who are struggling with some issues and stuff. But instead they just go to other peoples houses without even giving a call in advance. They stick their noses in other peoples business and it sure don't look like they are trying to help. It looks like they are trying to intimidate you and to judge you if you are good enough or not. They take tours of other people's houses and look at things that they have no business looking at. And this is _their job_. This is what they get paid for. And they get paid much more than Darry does, even though he works so much harder. I bet they put some boys like me or Johnny or Curley Shepard in homes just so that it looks like they have something to do too, like they have a job too, you know.

They called later that evening saying that I was basically doing ok, and I could stay here with Darry, but I got to see a social worker-therapist once a week. To discuss about the death of my friends and all and just to see that I'm doing ok. That news didn't make me all that happy. I ain't gonna see no therapist. But they made it a requirement, I could only stay here with Darry if I did that. Darry was as mad about it as I was, but he had no choice and promised them to take me to the damn therapist on Friday evening. I mean Friday evening that's the time when all normal people are going out and stuff. I am in no good mood for going out anyway, but at least I wouldn't mind to hang out with Two-bit and some other people, and now I got to go to this therapist.

I don't even want to think about it right now I said to myself and went to bed. Friday is the day we hand in our writing assignments I thought as I was falling asleep, but I didn't feel as good about it as before. Darry's words were still ringing in my ears: "he ain't gonna read it, he ain't gonna understand it, you are just wasting your breath kiddo."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the original Outsiders. They are owned by S.E. Hinton.

I woke up earlier than usual, got dressed, got my books, grabbed an apple, and walked out the door. Darry and Soda were still asleep, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone then. Even them.

It was somewhat chilly outside, and I didn't have a jacket. I didn't care, it'd get warmer later on during the day. It was way too early to go to school. I could go to the empty lot or to the park, but I didn't want to. I haven't been there since the time I stayed there with Johnny. I mean I passed by once when we were hanging out with Two-bit, but I never stayed there ever since.

I figured I could just go to the school yard, the place where my track team usually meets. Noone would notice me over there, plus noone would be there at this hour anyway. So I went directly there. I set down on the curb, took out my Gone With the Wind and started reading. Reading is the only thing that helps me forget everything. When I am reading I am not thinking about greasers or socs or school or Darry or my parents or my friends' death. So, I forgot all about the stupid visit to the therapist, and about people from social services. I was just enjoying my book.

When it was time, I went to the main entrance of the school. I meat Two-bit there, we smoked and talked for a while, and then went to our classes. English was my first period. "Ok everyone hand in your essays." Mr. Syme announced as he walked between the rows collecting the papers. A few people didn't have theirs 'cause they supposedly didn't finish them. I'm sure they didn't even start 'em, but that's ok. Not everyone likes English and essays. I can understand that. Mr. Syme was really mad though. He said that if they don't have the papers by Monday he'd fail them, and even if they have them by Monday he'd lower their grade for handing it in late.

He approached my desk next, and I handed in my notebook. "What's this?" he asked as he weighted the notebook in his hand. "I didn't ask you to write up an encyclopedia here, just a 5 page essay."

My heart fell. So Darry was right - he didn't care, he didn't' want to read more than 5 pages. He didn't even remember that he told me on the phone that the essay could be as long as I wanted it to be.

I swallowed. "Mr Syme, but you told me over the phone that I could make it a little longer if I wanted to." He glanced at me briefly. There was confusion in his eyes. Then his face turned slightly red, and he said, "oh, yes I remember now, sorry Ponyboy." and took my notebook.

Everyone in the classroom was staring at me by then. Some people were whispering too. I wished I could close my eyes and ears not to see or hear any of it, but I just sat there, trying as much as I could not to show what I was feeling. I just made this tough expression on my face like I could care less, and I really don't' give a shit what you think and what you are whispering about. I even started whistling a little bit, but Mr. Syme gave me a look so I stopped.

I didn't hear a word of what they were discussing during the remaining time of the class. I just couldn't wait for the bell to ring. But when it rang, I didn't just run out of class like I wanted to. I gathered my books slowly and walked out. I didn't what them to know how I felt. As I was walking towards the door, I caught in the corner of my eye that this girl Maryann was following me walk with her eyes. There was something strange in that look. It wasn't "oh, he's crazy" look, like some people kept giving me lately. It wasn't the "I'm just curious look" either. It was something else. I couldn't tell. She noticed that I was looking and turned around. I walked out the door.

The rest of the day was dull. I walked from period to period without really caring what I was doing. From time to time I remembered that look that Maryann gave me earlier though. I don't know, there was just something about that look. And how she quickly turned around when she noticed I was looking.

Maryann was in my English class for the third year in a row, but I never had any other classes with her. She always sat at the very last desk in the corner of the room. She never raised her hand in class, but when the teacher called on her she always gave a really good answer. It's like she understood stuff, but she just didn't care to volunteer her answer or to show off. I haven't seen her much around the neighborhood either, except I always ran into her in the record store. She bought records by the ton, I swear. I never saw her walk out with less than 5 albums. I wonder where she got the money for it. She's not from a rich family or anything'. Her mom is a billing clerk at the medical office. And her dad split when she was little. I guess he sends child support, but I'm sure that's not the money she's using to buy all those records. She must really like music. Anyway why do I care? I just wasted all this time and effort to write this paper and now Mr. Syme is not even gonna read it, or worse, he'll read it and laugh at it. Maybe he'll even read some parts in class so that the rest of them could have a laugh. I'm such an idiot, when am I gonna get some common sense?

As I was walking to my house I remembered about the therapist. Oh, great this is the last thing I need right now. What am I going to say there? I sure don't feel like discussing anything about my friends or my parents or anything else. I'll just seat there and won't say a word. I don't care what they say.

I remember long time ago when I was like 10 or so Two-bit had to go to the therapist. He was 14 then, and his dad just left them, and he had a really bad time dealing with it. His mother didn't know how to help him so she sent him to a therapist. I was only 10, but I remember very well how Two-bit was telling Steve and Soda what an old skunk that woman was. How she charged like $50 an hour just to ask him how he was doing. How she greeted him all smiling and all, but it was a fake smile. And the thing was that at the time Two-bit was in such a bad shape that he actually started telling her about his father and all, because he just couldn't keep it all to himself anymore. But she kept yawning through the whole session, and she actually started to close her eyes at some point. Then she got up and started making coffee. Then at the end she was all polite and smiling again and told him to come back soon, but she forgot what his name was. He never came back. He was lucky that he wasn't forced to go there by social services. It was just his mother and when he told her what the deal was she sure didn't force him to go back there.

I entered the house, grabbed an apple and went to my room. I tried to distract myself with anything that I could think of just so I wouldn't keep thinking about the therapist. I read for a while, did some of my homework, then watched TV. Soon enough Darry walked in.

"Hey, Pony. How was it?"

"How was what?"

"The essay, did your teacher say anything? You know I didn't mean to sound harsh yesterday, but you said it yourself you don't want me treatin' you like a baby, and so I was being honest with you. You want me to tell it to you like it is right?"

"Sure," I said. "It's all right. Let's just forget about it. The teacher took my paper just like he did everyone else's. He didn't say nothing. Maybe he ain't gonna read it, maybe he will. Whatever, I don't care all that much. Hey about tonight don't tell anyone Darry, ok? Not even Soda. I don't' want anyone to know I got to go through this therapy thing."

"Sure, but even Soda?"

"Yeah, I mean I wouldn't mind telling Soda, but he'll tell Steve, and Steve will promise not to tell anyone but he'll tell Two-bit or someone else. And I don't want that and it's none of their business anyway."

"Sure, I won't tell even Soda then. You know I'm real sorry you have to go there, but we have no choice. You don't have to talk there though. Just seat for a while till they let you go home."

"That's what I was thinking too."

"Yeah," he added, "Or better yet just make something up. Tell 'em that you are afraid of the dark or something. Tell them that you see monsters in the corner of your room when you go to sleep."

That cracked me up. "Sure, that's what I'll tell them." I liked the idea of making something up though.

"Ok," Darry looked at his watch. "I'm gonna take a quick shower, and change and then we better get going. Oh, and one more thing if I see that you are not eating again I'm gonna take all the apples that we have in the house and throw them out and I'm not gonna buy none till I see you eating 3 meals a day again, you dig?"

I was caught completely off guard by that. I didn't think he noticed that I wasn't eating. Him being busy all the time and all. "Sure Darry I'll start eating again. I just wasn't' hungry that's all." He gave me a look and went to take a shower.

It was a 15 minutes drive. I kept thinking in the car what I could I tell the therapist, but I couldn't think of any good lie. Finally, I gave up and figured I'd just make something up on the spot. I told Darry not to come in with me, but to pick me up in about an hour. I can't imagine that it would last longer than that. It better not last longer than that.

I walked in. It was a narrow hallway with doors on both sides. Kind of like in the hospital, but smaller. It was pretty clean and there were even some pictures on the walls, but it was awfully quiet. I came up to the receptionist and told her my name. "Have a seat, they will be with you in a minute," she said as she smiled with a wide smile, sparkling her really white teeth. I instantly remembered the fake smile that Two-bit was talking about. There we go, I thought.

In about 5 minutes one of the doors opened and a girl came out towards me. She must be the patient before me I thought. She's all finished, which means I am going to be called in now. The girl came up to me. "Ponyboy?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"Hi, I'm Carol. I'll be your social worker. Come on in."

I was really confused. Her? She was too young for that. She must be around Darry's age. And besides, her smile was not fake.

The office was very simply decorated - a desk with a chair and an arm chair across from it.

"Have a seat," she said pointing to the armchair.

I sat down, but felt something under my legs.

"Oops, I'm sorry," she said somewhat embarrassed as she quickly came up and took that something from under my seat. It was a plush teddy bear. "Some of my patients are little kids, you know. I mainly deal with child abuse and things like that. Anyway," she continued as I set down, "I looked over your file that was sent here from social services, and I am really really sorry about what happened."

She looked sincere, not fake at all like I imagined she would be.

She was really young though. She had brown, somewhat wavy hair coming down up to her shoulders, big light brown eyes and really long eye lushes. She was not very tall and she was slim, but there was something in her face and in her whole body that let you know that she could stand up for herself if she needed to. Like you wouldn't just mess with her. It's hard to explain how that came across. I guess just in the way that she carried herself and in the way that she talked.

She looked me straight in the eyes and said "Ponyboy, you don't' have to talk about anything if you don't want to, you know."

I didn't reply, I didn't know what to say to that.

So, she continued. "I know you are here because you are required to be here, and not because you wanted to come. This stuff is personal and I understand if you don't want to share. The session is 45 minutes just bring a book or something. I wont' tell."

Her eyes were really friendly as she was saying that. I was really surprised, but in spite of myself I started to feel more at ease. "I have a book with me right now" I said.

"Good," she replied, "you can read it. But if you do want to talk about something, anything at all I am here and you can talk to me. I don't want you to think that I don't care ok?"

"Thanks," I said and took out my Gone With the Wind.

It was weird though to be just sitting there and reading while she was still in the same room. She took out a notebook and started writing something. I kept staring the at the page, but I wasn't really reading. I was studying the room, and Carol. She was really pretty. It was a bit awkward, but at least I didn't' have to make up some lie that I couldn't come up with before.

"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked all of the sudden. That was a dumb question, but it just came out. I said it before I thought about it. She looked at me. And again there was something really friendly in that look. It didn't feel like some tide ass therapist 'n all, but just like a regular person. Someone you'd ask for a cigarette on the street.

"Does your brother mind if you smoke?" she asked.

"No."

"Well, then I don't mind either" - she smiled.

She didn't have to repeat that twice. I lit up my cigarette. To my surprise she took out one and lit up too. "I guess you wouldn't mind if I smoked huh?"

"How come _you_ are smoking?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you are a girl and a social worker."

" So?" She said like it was no big deal. "Everyone has something. Plus most of the things that we like in life are bad for us anyway. Like chocolate or ice-cream that makes you fat and have a heart attack. Or coffee or most of the other things too. So, my thing is cigarettes. I tried quitting a few times before. First time when I was 15, and last time when I was 22 - just last year, but I couldn't do it. I can live without ice-cream though."

That was really funny. I never met a girl before that would give up ice cream for a cigarette. She wasn't smoking like the type of those cheap sluttygirls that you see on the street or trying to pick up guys in bars. It was different. She was just smoking, there was nothing else to it.

"What are you writing?" I asked.

"Oh, it's not quite a diary, but it's just some stuff that I write down a little bit every day. Just to get things off my chest. You know working with abused kids I've seen some things that aren't' so pretty and sometimes I just want to write some stuff down. It really works. In fact you should do it."

She must've seen surprise in my eyes so she continued,. "No, I mean it. I know you have a lot on your mind. I know you don't want to talk about it to anyone and at the same time you want to scream about it to everyone. I know you want to keep it all to yourself, but it's burning you inside. I know that sometimes you tell someone just 'cause you can't keep it all inside and they don't understand you and laugh at you. I know all that. You should write stuff down. Call it diary or whatever, but when you write it down, it stops bugging you. It's not like you forget it, but it's like you've told someone, but you didn't tell anyone. That might not seem to make sense, but just try it - you'll see."

We were silent for a while. Then she said, "ok, it's 5 minutes before the end. There some questions that I must ask you, sorry . Just these few."

I thought that maybe after all she was just pretending to be so friendly so that she could ask me some stupid questions like the ones people from social services were asking the other day.

"Ok," I said reluctantly.

"This may sound a bit over the top but I HAVE to ask this, Ponyboy: "Have you ever attempted or considered suicide? Pills, slit your wrists that kind of stuff?"

Before I could answer she must've read the answer on my face.

"I take it it's a no." she said. "Have you ever felt like you don't want to live anymore even though you weren't' thinking about suicide directly?"

"No," I said.

The truth is though I _have_ felt that way. I felt like I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either. I just wanted to disappear and not feel anything. I felt that a few times, especially when I woke up at night thinking about Johnny and Dally. But I didn't want to tell Carol about that.

"Good," she said. "Now, how are you sleeping and eating? How is your appetite? Do you wake up at night? Do you have nightmares?"

"I don't have nightmares but I do wake up a lot, and then it's hard to get up in the morning. And most of the food that I used to like makes me nauseous now."

I wondered if I should have told her that. But I saw that after all she was NOT pretending and just acting friendly to get me to talk, so I thought it's ok that I told her.

"Not to worry," she said. "I'm gonna give you some sleeping pills. They are really harmless. Small dose and they are not addictive. You'll sleep really well and you'll feel better throughout the day. As for the eating thing, it'll get better after a while. Try still having 3 meals a day but start easy like chicken soup, fruits and stuff."

She wrote up the prescription for the pills and walked me to the door. Right before we walked out the office she said "Ponyboy just promise me that if you ever feel really bad or you feel like...," she paused, "like hurting yourself you'll give me a call. Here is my card."

She gave me her card. I didn't say anything, but took the card.

When we got to the hallway Darry was already waiting there. He saw us and came up closer. Carol introduced herself, and explained to him about the pills and that it's' ok if I eat a little less than usual for now. Darry 's jaw dropped when he saw her. He was even more surprised by her age than I was. He didn't say anything, of course, but it was written all over his face. It was kind of funny.

"_That_ was the social worker?" he said in disbelief when we were outside.

"Yeah."

"No fuckin' way. She's like younger than you." He continued in amazement.

"Actually, she's _older_ than _you,"_ I said laughing.

"No way, she told you?"

"Yeah. She said she was 22 last year so she's 23 now."

"What a hell did you talk about anyways?"

"She said I didn't have to talk 'bout anything if I didn't want to, and at the end she asked a bunch of weird questions like if I ever attempted suicide and stuff. Oh, and she also gave me those sleeping pills. We should stop by and get them on the way."

"So it wasn't too bad?"

"Well, I could live without it, but it was all right. She's actually kind of nice."

"She's actually kind of cute too." Darry said laughing.

"Since when you are into older women?" I asked.

He replied to that by smacking me on the back of my head.


	3. Chapter 3

When we got home, I felt tired all of the sudden. I wanted to go to bed, but Darry made me eat first. I tried to. I shoved things down my throat, and tried not to throw up really hard. But as I got up the chair and started walking towards the room, I just felt all that food coming back up. I hardly ran to the bathroom in time. When I walked out, Darry looked really upset and distressed. I felt embarrassed for throwing up and for making him worry. "It's ok," I said to calm him down. "I'll eat chicken soup tomorrow. I _will_ eat, I promise." I didn't want Darry to be upset. It's one thing if I'm in a bad mood, but it's a whole different story if someone else is in a bad mood _because _of me. He only nodded and didn't say anything.

A minute later Soda walked in. "Hi, where you've been?" said Darry.

"I went out with Steve and his girlfriend. They introduced me to one of her friends. Steve has been talkin' about her forever, and Sandy sure ain't coming back, so I figured I might as well go."

"So was she as hot as Sandy?"

"She was real hot, and she seemed a tuff chick too. But you know how it is with these girls you never know what they turn out to be." He sighed. I bet he was remembering Sandy. It's true - you never know what you are getting into. Sandy seemed so nice and decent, but look what she's done to poor Soda. He treated her nicely and with respect, and she just walked over him like that. I don't know how he can still have feelings for her. I would probably get over to Florida just to tell her off, and to tell her what I really think of her. But Soda ain't like that. He's just upset about it, but he isn't angry.

"Good for you, it's about time," Darry said.

"Yeah, I guess so. Where did the two of you go earlier? I got home from work, 'nd noone was here."

"I just gave Pony a driving lesson," Darry replied without batting an eye.

"Good for you kid. You'll be a pro in no time."

I tried not to look tired or upset for Soda's sake, and I guess it worked 'cause he didn't notice anything. He went on to the kitchen, got something to eat, and then went to his room.

I didn't know what else to say to Darry, so I went to my room too.

I took the sleeping pill, and went to bed. I was glad that the week was finally over, and it was weekend. Two-bit said earlier when we talked in front of the school, that he'd come up Saturday morning and we'd go see the races and hang out. At the same time though I was a little scared of the weekend 'cause ever since all this happened, whenever I went out with Two-bit, I always felt like Johnny and Dally were supposed to be there too.

I woke up late the next day. I guess the pill really did work. It was about 11:30, and I wished I could even sleep some more, but I remembered that Two-bit was supposed to come over. So I forced myself up and went to the living room. Everyone, including Two-bit was already in the living room watching TV. Two-bit actually had come over Friday night after I fell asleep, and he stayed for the night on the couch. Had a falling out with his mom again.

"Rise and shine," Two-bit grinned.

"Hey, Pony I made some pancakes, you want?" Darry said walking towards the kitchen.

Just then I realized that this was the first time in a long time that I didn't have a headache.

"Sure Dare" I said. I've been calling him that lately. I don't know where that came from. He didn't seem to mind, so it stuck.

"Well, help yourself then. I even got you some apple sauce since you like apples so much lately." He smirked as he said that.

To my surprise, I didn't throw up after breakfast. I felt like it, but I was able to control it. I sure was glad 'cause I really didn't want Two-bit and Soda see what Darry saw yesterday. And I didn't want Darry to be upset or to think that I'm completely losing it.

The races started at 1, so we hopped up into Two-bit's old car and drove around for a while. As we were driving, Two-bit kept telling me how he couldn't believe that he was actually passing his classes this year, which means he's finally gonna be a senior next year. It was hilarious watching him talk about it. Plus he made his jokes as usual.

We picked up Jesse, one of Two-bit's new buddies, on the way. Two-bit and him got real tight after they got to be on the same volleyball team, and beat the crap out of the other team every single game. He lived in a different section of the town, the middle class one. He really was a greaser though. It's just his mom worked really hard, and she was able to work her way up at her job, and move out of our neighborhood. No harm in that. At least it was a safer neighborhood for sure and a nicer one too.

Jesse was a senior. He was really athletic, tall, lean - he reminded me of a cat or a panther when he walked. He was confident, but not cocky, his face was really tanned from playing volleyball under the sun so much, and his hair was sandy blond and bleached by the sun. I really didn't know him that well, but Two-bit had brought him to our house a few times, and Jesse got along well with Darry. Now, if someone gets along with Darry he's got to be a tuff guy, 'cause Darry is really hard to get along with, and he's really picky who he hangs out with. I mean Steve is Soda's best friend and Darry sill gives him a run around.

So, the three of us were talking in the car, when I saw in the mirror that a black Mustang was tailing behind us. It was full of socs. They were sitting on each other's laps and talking and laughing and were being really loud. They were going to the races too. Their car was way faster than ours so they had to switch to the next lane in order to pass us. As they were passing by, they started screaming, "Look greasers are going to the races too. Do you have any money to make your bets?" They were laughing hysterically. One showed us a finger. Then Two-bit started yelling back at them, and told them to get lost or they'd be sorry. Then this one girl stuck her head out of the car and yelled directly at him, "What are you going to do to make us sorry, race us?" Everybody in their car bursted out in laughter as she said that. There was no way that we could race them in Two-bit's old car. So they passed by, while showing us fingers and screaming. Two-bit was really worked up. He kept swearing and saying that one day he'd show them. I was upset, but Jesse just spit thru the car window and said with despise in his voice, "Who gives a shit?"

We got there right before the start and made some small bets. I don't know where Two-bit got the money from. I got an allowance from Darry, and Jesse used to do all kinds of jobs here and there. One day he'd do a busboy job at the diner, the other day he'd help the volleyball coach and get paid for that. I was actually thinking of getting an after school job too, but I couldn't come up with what I could do. It's easier for girls. They can do babysitting, even though that doesn't really pay all that well.

We sat in the back row, but it was still a very good view. We could also see that on the other side of the field Jimmy, (that was the name of the soc that passed us in the car) and his friends laughing and cheering for the horses and pointing fingers at everyone. At first I was tense. Seeing Jimmy and his friends over there didn't exactly add to my fun. Plus the races reminded me of Dally since he used to jockeysometimes. But after a while I felt more relaxed and started to enjoy it. I mean, I can't say it was the time of my life or anything, but it was ok. Each of us placed only one bet, and needless to say none of the horses we bet on won. It's hard to guess, 'cause all of these horses are really strong, and each of them had won races before. And besides, a lot of times those races are fixed anyway. It was nice being outside though. I haven't been spending much time outdoors lately. I was shutting myself in my room most of the time. But now I regretted that I did that. It was really nice out. The nice Fall air, and the sun, and it's not burning hot like in the Summer, but just warm enough, and the breeze was really nice. And the sky - deep blue, not a single cloud.

Afterwards we stopped by at a diner to grab something to eat. I didn't eat much though, because I was afraid that I'd get nauseous again.

"So, have you heard the news yet? I'm passing my classes this year." Two-bit started again.

"You - a senior? That's wrong, man," Jesse said laughing.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss Mrs. Troy though," Two-bit said mimicking crying. "That bitch didn't pass me for 3 whole years."

"Just admit it Two-bit, you are no good delinquent. You are no good for nothin' and a burden to the society." Jesse kept laughing. Two-bit cracked up. Usually he was the one to make sarcastic comments like that.

"Yeah," Two-bit said as he sighed. "I'm no match for Pony over here. Now, Pony - he's the brain of this town."

"Tell me about it," Jesse smirked.

"Yeah, he actually skipped a grade."

"Is that why he's so quiet? I heard smart people are always quiet."

I knew they were only teasing, but it started to get to me. I let it slide though. "I don't know if you are gonna miss Mrs. Troy 'n all, but you sure will miss meeting new girls in her class 'cause that's all you've been doing there for 3 whole years. And playing such a stud too since you are like 3 years older than them," I said.

"Yeah," Two-bit sighed,"but I don't need no English class to meet 'em girls. I've got plenty of ways to meet them. Actually I'm planning a trip downtown next week and ..." he stopped.. I guess he felt awkward 'cause he didn't want to take me with him 'cause of my age. He thought I'd be asking him, but I didn't ask him.

"'nd don't even ask me Ponyboy Curtis to take you with me. I've been busted for many things, but I ain't gonna be busted for bringing a minor to an action like that. So, don't even ask."

"Calm down, I wasn't gonna ask you anyway."

"Sure, you wasn't gonna ask me anyway."

When we left the diner, it was already getting dark outside. We dropped Jesse off, but somehow I didn't want to go home yet. I guess Two-bit didn't want to go yet either 'cause he said, "Hey Pony, you want to go to the records store? It's gonna be opened for another hour or so."

"I got no money left."

"Me neither, but we can just browse." I knew by now that whenever Two-bit said we are going to just browse or just look around it meant lift a few things here and there.

A lot of times though I really did go to that store to just look around. I didn't want to waste my allowance on it. I just looked at the new albums that came out, but didn't' buy any. Well, except for a few that I really liked. I mean, they play all these songs on the radio anyways, so it's no big deal. It's nice to have the albums, but it's not worth wasting your allowance on it.

"Whatever, we can stop by the record store."

There were still a few people in the store even though it was kind of late. I didn't do the "browsing" with Two-bit. I mean he gets the kicks out of pulling stuff like that, but I've got to be careful 'cause that chance of being put up into a boys home is always there. I mean I ain't gonna turn into a goody good over this. I'd rather go to a boys home than do that, but I mean stealing records just for kicks - that's a little extreme.

I walked between the isles and came up to the Rock section. There were some new Pink Floyd and Jim Morrison albums. Then I looked at some disco, and Motown like The Supremes . Those didn't interest me too much though. I could listen to some Country sometimes, but not the cheap shit like Hank Williams or something.

As I walked by the Country section, the door to the store opened, and it was Maryann from my English class that came in. I instantly remembered the way she was looking at me last time as I was walking out of the classroom. I've met her in this store before, but it was really late now, and she was alone. She saw me too, and it was awkward for a second.

"Hi," I said just to break the silence.

"Hi Ponyboy." She replied and that same look was in her eyes again.

"Isn't it kind of late for you to be walking alone?"

"Actually my brother gave me a ride. He's still outside talking to some guys. We got kind of similar taste in music. So, it's "he pays and I buy them" kind of thing." She smiled.

So, that's where she gets the money, I thought. "Oh, yeah? So what kind of stuff do you listen to?"

"Well, I listen to different music as long as it's good. I don't like being just into one thing. But I've been mostly into Rock lately. My brother got me into it. He's only into that stuff though."

"So he wouldn't buy you other stuff, the stuff that he doesn't like?"

"No, he buys me plenty of those too. Is there anything good today, I mean out of the new stuff? "

"I don't know. I just got here"

"Oh, so you want to go look around at the rock section first?"

"Sure," I said even though I looked through the Rock section 5 seconds ago. Also it was funny when she said 'look around.' Well, it was funny only to me - I glanced across the floor to see what Two-bit was up to. Hope he ain't gonna make a scene or something. That'd be embarrassing. He told me long time ago though, that if he ever gets busted when I'm around, I should just pretend that I am not with him, and I don't know who he is. He was good about that good ol' Two-bit.

"So, what kind of stuff are _you_ into?" she asked after a while.

"It depends, whatever I'm in the mood for."

She picked out _The Best of Pink Floyd , _the new Rolling Stones Album _Between the Buttons_ and two Elvis Albums. Iwanted to get Between the Buttons one too, but like I said I didn't feel like wasting my money on it.

"I really like that one too," Isaid before I could think about it.

"So how come you are not getting it?"

I didn't know what to say.

"'cause ... well, they are gonna release _The Best of Rolling Stones _just like they did _The Best of Pink Floyd _any time now, and that's the one I'm gonna get," I lied.

"Oh, ..." She paused. "Well, you can borrow mine if you want . I can bring it to school or something."

"Thanks."

"Well, it won't be this Monday though, 'cause my brother usually listens to the new stuff nonstop for a week or so. Then he gets bored with it."

"That's fine. I didn't know you had a brother. How old is he?"

"He just turned 24 last month."

"What's his name?"

"Matt. You might've seen him around, but you wouldn't know him, 'cause he didn't go to our High School or Junior High."

"How come?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you some other time ok?"

I knew she was just saying that though. It was just a way for her to let me know that she didn't really want to talk about it.

"Ok," I said.

She picked out 2 more albums while we were talking and went to pay for them. I don't know why, but I just went with her, even though I wasn't getting anything.

After she paid, she looked at me and then said all of the sudden. "I'm real sorry about what happened to your friend."

I didn't know if she was talking about Dally or Johnny. But I assumed that she was talking about Dallas. A lot of people around here knew who Dallas Winston was, while only a few close friends knew who Johnny was.

"You knew Dallas?" I said.

"No. I mean, I know who he was, but I was talking about Johnny. I think that was his name, the dark-haired kid?"

"You knew Johnny?"

"Yeah, I had two classes with him last year. Math and geography. He probably didn't even know who I was. I always sit at the last desk, you know."

"I know," I smiled.

"He didn't really care much for math," she continued,."but he really liked geography."

"Johnny liked geography? That's funny."

"No, that's not what I mean. He always sat at like the second desk from the front, and whenever Mr. Silverstone talked about some other cities and states and stuff like that, Johnny would always ask him how it is over there. I guess he hasn't been out of Oklahoma much., but he wanted to see how it is in other places. I haven't been much out of here either, but I don't' really care for stuff like that, but he did. You could just tell he did by the way he was asking the teacher."

"I guess so."

I started to get tense again. Talking about Johnny and all. I could just see him telling me while lying on that stupid hospital bed how he didn't get to do stuff, and how he never been out of our neighborhood except for that stupid trip to Windrixville.

"He was a really nice kid," she said.

I tried not to show what I was feeling, but I guess it showed, because her eyes widened and she said, "I am so sorry Ponyboy, I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's all right," I shrugged.

"Well, I gotta go. Matt is going kill me for making him wait for so long."

She started walking towards the door.

"Hey, we are going to the movies tomorrow night, you want to come?" I wasn't intending to say that, but it just came out of nowhere. I didn't even know for sure if we in fact were going to the movies the next day. Jesse just mentioned it briefly on the way home.

She hesitated, then said, "ok, but I would have to ask my brother. I'll ask him tonight. What movie are you going to see?"

"I don't know. We haven't decided yet".

She hesitated again, then wrote her number on a piece of paper really quickly and gave it to me, "Just call me in the afternoon. I'll let you know if I can come and you tell me which movie you are going to see."

"Ok."

As soon as she left, Two-bit came up to me and said while motioning towards the door with his eyes, "We better go now, I bet they are going to lock up in a few minutes"

We started walking towards the exit. The store clerk looked mad. I mean we only been in the store for like a whole hour, 'nd we didn't buy anything. I wonder what he'd say if he knew that we actually kind of did. Well, at least Two-bit did. We walked out of the store and got in the car.

"Here you go." Two-bit said winking and taking out two albums from under his shirt.

"Just two? And you call yourself a professional." I felt like teasing Two-bit right then.

He ignored my comment though. He took out a cigarette and lit up. I did too.

"Who's that girl yo were talking to? He said as we were driving, "I've seen her around the school. You've got any classes with her?"

"Yeah, English."

He started laughing, "Look at that, and you were saying before that_ I _pick up girls in my English class."

I started laughing too.

He dropped me off by my house. And said as I was getting out of the car, "If you still want to go to the movies tomorrow just come by my house like around 7, 'k Pony?"

"I will," I said.

When I walked in, Darry was sitting at the kitchen table and looking through some documents. Soda was in the living room watching TV.

"What's all these papers?" I said to Darry.

"Oh, that's nothing. I just got some applications for the City exam?"

I was stunned. "What exam?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. It's just this exam they ask you questions in the same field as your current job, and if you pass they give you a certificate. Then you can get better paying jobs and you can get good bids for some city jobs too."

"So you are gonna take this exam then?"

"Yeah, I don't mind getting paid a bit more, what do you think? I've been telling Soda over here to take it too, but he's ignoring me."

I don't think Soda even heard us. He was too absorbed in whatever it was he was watching.

"Wait, there is actually an exam in roofing?" That was kind of funny.

"Not roofing, you wise ass. It's carpentry. It includes roofing as well as other stuff."

"And you know that _other_ stuff?"

"Yeah I know that _other_ stuff. I'd make a damn good carpenter if I had just a little more experience."

I was going to go straight to my room, but Darry started asking about the races, and who came first and all?

"Cashmere came first," I said.

"Oh yeah, that's a great horse. Has winner written all over it. Did any of you bet on it?"

"Nope."

He smiled, "Figures...You want something to eat? I made chicken soup."

"Shoot Dare, not again. Who eats chicken soup for dinner? We stopped by the diner earlier. I swear I had a good meal. I ate a whole burger and had some fries. You can call Two-bit's house and ask him if you don't believe me."

"All right then," he said.

These sleeping pills sure were funny. You didn't just fall asleep right away, but you went to some kind of a hazefirst. I was just lying there with my eyes closed. I wasn't' asleep yet, but I wasn't' quite awake either. It was weird. I kept seeing Johnny. He was saying something, but I couldn't make out what it was he was saying. Then it was Darry, then Jimmy, and then Maryann. I kept thinking of Maryann. Her huge hazel eyes. They were so pretty and sparkling and shining as she spoke. She had a really nice smile too. And how she bit her lip when she was confused or didn't know what to say next. That was cute. Her long straight chestnut color hair going all the way down her waist. She was slim and athletic looking. She was slightly taller than me, but who cares. I was starting to really likeher. And how she felt bad for what happened to Johnny and all, and didn't think it was funny that he kept asking geography teacher like that. Most people would find that funny. Most people would laugh at Johnny for doing that. Rock music huh? I thought as I was falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

A/N I am very sorry for not updating for so long. Some stuff at home was going on. I'll try to update at least once a week or so. Anyway, here is the next chapter. Also I've made some changes in the previous chapters. Like changed the age and descriptions of some characters. The surprise that I promised is going to be in chapter 6, not chapter 5.

The next day I finished all of my homework, and read a few chapters of Gone With the Wind. Darry was working again on a Sunday so I figured I'd do some stuff around the house to help him out. At least he wasn't there to bug me with having 3 meals and all. I couldn't concentrate on anything I was doing though. I kept thinking about Maryann. What was I thinking asking her to come along with us like that? What if she doesn't like Two-bit and his trashy mouth? I mean I know Two-bit is cool, and he's my friend. But someone who doesn't really know him might not understand that. I mean she's from our side of the town, but she ain't like Sylvia or those trashy girls, who screw around with all kinds of guys and every day a different guy too. Or those ones, who just go out so they can use the guy for money and nice gifts. Come think of it Sylvia did it all the time. Dally gave her plenty of gifts. They weren't that expensive or anything but they were fine. But if someone offered something else or had a nicer car she'd be with them in a flash.

Oh shit, I suddenly remembered. I got to call her first. I started looking through the pockets of my jacket that was hanging on the side of the chair. Do I even still have her number, did I lose it? It's 3 already, I should've called earlier. It's not like she has no plans and is sitting there waiting for my call. All these thoughts were running through my head. I called Two-Bit first to decide on what movie we would see, and then dialed Maryann's number. I hated myself for being so nervous, but I couldn't help it. Turned out she was home, and she didn't mind seeing The Rebel Rousers - some movie about some motorcycle gang. We agreed that I'd pick her up

around seven. I felt a little more relaxed after talking to her.

I met Two- Bit and Jesse, and by around 7 we pulled up by Maryann's house. It wasn't a large house or anything, but it was neat , clean, fresh paint and everything.

"You stay here," I said to the guys getting out of the car as if that was not obvious.

"No, no we want to go _with_ you," Two- Bit cracked up starting to get out of the car. I just pushed him back into his seat and started to walk towards the door.

I didn't like introductions so I wasn't looking forward to Maryann's mother opening the door and me having to introduce myself. But it was Maryann that opened. "Hi," she said not quite letting me into the house. It looked like she really didn't want me to come in. I could only catch a glimpse of how it was inside the house. "I'm all ready," she added closing the door behind her. Right as she closed the door the voice came down from the window "Hey Mare where you going?" It sounded kind of harsh. She looked slightly embarrassed and yelled back "I'm going to the movies with my friends. I told you Matt."

"Just hold on a sec. I want to say hi to _your_ friends," he replied. She gave me an apologetic look.

A minute later Matt came out the door. He looked me up and down sizing me up with his eyes. "Who's this?" He nodded at me and looked at Maryann. I didn't exactly like his attitude.

" I'm Ponyboy Curtis," I said. "We go to the same school."

" School huh," he smirked..

He was tall, lean, brown hair a little darker than Maryann's. And big brown eyes that looked at you like he was the judge and you are there to defend yourself. He looked somewhat sloppy though. His hair was messed up, and his shirt was hastily pulled over the T-shirt. Even his shoes were almost untied. It looked like he just got out of bed or something, even though it was 7 p.m.

And now those suspicious judgmental eyes were staring directly at me. I saw that he wanted to comment about my name, but he let it slide.

"So," he finally said, "you are the hero, that was all over the papers the other month?"

I wasn't really in the mood to talk about that, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Ok," he said not waiting for my reply, "don't think now that just 'cause you a hero 'n all you can do whatever you want, you know what I mean? Mare got to be home by 10:30 and if anything happens," - he gave me a meaningful look, "consider yourself dead." Then without waiting for me to say anything he turned around and went inside the house. I felt like my ears were going to fall off - that's how hot they were. And I thought _my _older brother was bad. I did not like how this evening was starting.

We got to the car and I introduced Maryann to my friends. I was really hoping Two- Bit wouldn't do something stupid like start whistling when he sees her or really looking her up in an obnoxious way. He did that a few times with Steve's girls - that is before Steve and Evie started going steady. But Two- Bit just made one of the most innocent faces that he was capable of and said " I didn't know there were such pretty girls in our school." He winked at me and started the car.

When we got to the movies and walked towards the seats I noticed people giving me the same looks as in school, like they were saying with their eyes "Oh, that's the crazy guy," Some looked at me with sorrow like my life was over or something. Some looked at Maryann with sorrow like "what's she doing with _him_?" Then for the first time it occurred to me that I'd better get out of this post traumatic disorder or whatever the hell it's called. Otherwise these people would be right - my life would be over, and I wasn't ready for it to be over. Johnny told me to stay gold and how can I stay gold if my life is over?

"Where do you want to seat?" I heard Maryann say, awakening me from the haze I fell into. She was staring at me. "Are you all right?" Not her too, I thought. I definitely should stop doing this before she too thinks that I'm crazy. "Sorry," I said, "are those seats in the back ok?"

" Sure," she shrugged.. Two Bit and Jesse came back from the concession stand bringing us drinks and popcorn.

The movie was all right. Kept Two Bit occupied for sure. He kept commenting every other line in it. We almost got kicked out, because of all the noise he was making. Maryann didn't talk though. She was just watching. I think she's kind of a quiet type too. No wonder she always seats at the last desk in school and never raises her hand. It's not from shyness though. She's just a person of few words.

"You want to drive by the River Park?" Two-Bit asked when we got out. "There was a huge car wreck over there the other day, and I heard one of the cars is still sitting there, and it's completely smashed. You want to go check it out?" "Sure,"Jesse said, "I think it 's a nice car too. What about you guys?" I looked at Maryann. She didn't look too enthusiastic about it, but she said "Sure."

We pulled up by the River Park. It was getting late. The sky was really dark and covered with stars. The breeze was really nice and warm. The Arkansas River was just beautiful under the moonlight. Two Bit was right - the car from the wreck was still sitting there and it was completely smashed. Him and Jesse got there and started the "investigation." "Maybe I could still get some parts Two- Bit said." I was somewhat curious too, but then it made me think of my parent's and I felt like I wanted to go home right then. I would have if it wasn't for Maryann. She looked at the wrecked car too for a little while and then she went closer by the water. I followed her.

She was standing by the water and I sat down on the log that was near by. I looked at her from tje side. She looked real cute in the blue T-shirt she was wearing. And the wind was playing with her beautiful hair. "It's so nice out here," she said. "I could stay here all night."

"Yeah, sure," I said sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

" Let's just say your brother is not going to be happy about that."

She started laughing, "Matt? No, he just wants everyone to think that he's a big bully or something. He's harmless though"

I shrugged - "I'll keep that in mind."

How come he didn't go to our school?" I asked a little later.

"Well," she hesitated a moment. "He was doing well in school, but then our dad left when he was around 12. After that Matt just couldn't take it . He dropped out. He was very mean to my mom and violent. She kept enrolling him in school, and he just wouldn't go. Then she sent him to this school for "difficult" kids. That's where he graduated from. Believe it or not it helped, it was an improvement. He wasn't' such a nervous wreck anymore. His grades were good, and he actually went to college. He got a good job on the West side after he graduated. My mom was so happy. I was happy for him too. H e was going to be somebody. But after a year and a half he quit his job and he became very bitter. He said that it's all fake world out there and that the people are so shallow. All they care is material things and all they want to do is to show off who has a more expensive car or who dresses from the most expensive store. And their whole purpose is to make everyone else envy them. He pretty much said they are just shallow and arrogant jerks, who only got the biggest attitude in the world but nothing else. And they also looked really down on him like he wasn't supposed to be there. He just hated it. He said he didn't see the point to stay there and try to become one of them if he hated them in the first place. Plus he said the way they do business is most of the time dishonest. They cheat everyone out of their money. How do you think they got so rich in the first place. So now my brother just sits around the house smoking dope. He works part time at the hardware store and he spends all his money on those records and dope." She looked down. She looked really upset. "I don't know what to do with him," she almost whispered. "He is wasting his life." I thought of Soda, but I didn't feel like talking about it just then.

"Not all of them are like that, I mean the ones on the West side you know?" I said.

"I know," she said, "or at least I hope so," she added. " 'cause I sure don't want to waste my life doing nothing, smoking dope and being a bum, but I don't want to be part of that fake shallow world either. I don't' want to be like this kid in our school Jimmy Graham and his friends. I'm sure you know them."

" I do," I nodded.

"And his parents," she continued, "look at them how they act when they come to church like they own everyone, that's 'cause they buy everyone off with their money. Sometimes I'm really scared. All our life we are told to get out of here, to make something our of ourselves, and get out there into the real world. What if there is no out there. What if Matt is right, and its all fake, all lies?"

"But not all of them are like that" I said again. "There are so many people who are not smoking dope bums. They cant' _all_ be fake shallow liars. It just depends on the person you know. Look, Randy came to my house, after Johnny and Dally died, and kind of apologized for what happened. And Cherry Valance testified in court against Bob."

"I hope you are right," she said - sadness in her voice. She started walking along the shore. She glanced at Two-Bit and he wasn't about to go home yet. We kept walking in silence.

"How come I never saw you in church? I don't go now, but I used to about a year ago." I asked. "That's because I'm always in the back," she smiled. "How come you don't go anymore?"

"I don't know. It just doesn't' feel right."

"Don't worry if you don't go to church," she said. "God is not in church, but is in your heart."

I gave her a stare. I was taught exactly the opposite all my life. At that moment something just happened. All of the sudden I felt like I've known her for a long time even though we just spent a little over two hours together, half of which was in the movie theater in silence.

"How come God let Johnny and Dally die then?" I asked staring down at my shoes. "How come he let them die so young before they got to do and see things, before they got to live?" I know it wasn't' the kind of thing you talk about on what's supposed to be kind of a date, but I couldn't help it . The question was choking me and I had to say it. Plus she was so easy to talk to. I haven't felt that ever since Johnny died. Not even with Soda. She was silent for a moment. Then looked straight at me and said "Only good die young." I thought I didn't hear her right.

"What?"

"Only good die young,"she repeated.

"What do you mean?"I said.

"Well, I don't know if it's true, but that's what they say"

"What? What do _they_ say?"

"They say that people live for a long time, because we are supposed to learn our lessons and meet our purpose in this life, then God takes us to the next level. It's kind of like graduating from High School," she smiled. "Once you are ready for the next level you graduate. Most people mess up all the time, and it takes them a long time to figure things out and pass the test of life. That's why they live for a long time. Think about it if you are ahead of your classmates in school, you skip a grade or two. If you are behind, you are kept in the same grade for a year o r more." I smiled thinking of Two- Bit. And I actually skipped a grade, because supposedly I was ahead. Not the case anymore though.

"So what are you saying?"

" I'm saying that Johnny was ahead. He graduated , he passed his test already. He was taken to the next level."

"But he didn't even get to do anything yet."

"He didn't need to. Look, what did he have here? I didn't really know him ,but from what I heard his life was pretty miserable. Who knows how it would turn out if he stayed here. He is better off there, you know. And the same thing is true for your other friend - Dallas."

I never thought about it that way. I gave it a thought. No, I couldn't agree with that. "Do you buy that?" I finally asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I used to think that it's lame. It's just something people made up to make themselves feel better when someone close passed away. But then I thought about it, and it's about THE only thing that would make sense. Otherwise it's like you said why would God let them die so young? Either that or ... there is no God all together."

We kept walking. I felt kind of guilty for bringing all this stuff up. She looked somewhat sad and that's just not right to take a girl out and then make her upset. It was getting really late. "Your brother sure will be mad," I said.

She smiled playfully "Naw he won't care. And he will probably be asleep by the time we get back anyway." I couldn't help, but stare into her big brown eyes. I just couldn't look away. She blushed and turned away. I felt so good at that moment . I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to think about anything, to know the questions or the answers. I just wanted the sky and the breeze and to be walking next to this girl.

"Hey kids it's past your bed time." Two- Bit yelled running towards us. I smacked him on the back of his head "who ya calling a kid?"

"Easy there," Two- Bit replied pretending like he' going to fight me and then just passing right by at the last moment. Jesse was already in the car. I wondered briefly how come he's got no girlfriend. I don't wonder about Two- Bit, but I'd like to know what the deal is with Jesse.

We dropped Maryannnoff first. I walked her to the door and she just said good night and rushed inside the house. And of course I didn't hear the end of it from both Two- Bit and Jesse all the way to my house about how I'm such a gentlemen and I walk my woman to the door. Two- Bit definitely was done being nice.

When I got home, all fo the sudden I felt really hungry. It was really late and I had to go to school the next day. Darry looked somewhat mad when I walked in. , and I had a flashback of that night. That stupid night when we ran away. I looked at him pleadingly. "It's ok," he said. He wasn't' yelling. He didn't even raise his voice. "Go wash up, and have something to eat,"he added. I was amazed. He didn't have to repeat that twice. I think I ate more food then, than I ate in all these 3 months combined. And it's not good to eat a lot before going to sleep either, but I didn't' care. I saw in the corner of my eye Darry was watching me eat from the living room. There was expression of relief on his face. I hate making my brothers worry.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

As I got to English on Monday, Maryann was already there, sitting in her seat and talking to her friends. "Hi," I said.

"Hi," she replied somewhat dryly and went right back to talking to her friends. She must've hated it yesterday - great! I went to my seat by the window.

Mr. Syme walked in with a stack of papers. Shoot, we are getting our papers back today. I totally forgot. "Good morning," Mr. Syme said briskly. "We are starting **_The Return of The Native _**today and yes you get your papers back today." He split the stack in three pars and gave each part to the person at the first desk of each row so they could pass it around. Soon enough it reached my desk. Mine was really easy to spot, because everyone's was a report on loose leafs and mine was a thick notebook. I grabbed it right away, and passed the rest of the stack to the person behind me.

I thought I didn't' care about the essay anymore. But now I felt that I was breathing faster and I was somewhat anxious to open the notebook. Finally I opened it. A+ and some notes on the top of the page: _Nice work. Great job! Glad you are getting right back on track_. That was kind of lame. I started flipping the pages. The letters seemed to be jumping at me refreshing all the details that I have been trying to forget all this time. I thought that having the teacher read my essay would make me feel better, but it didn't. So, he read it, so what. He didn't say anything. Nothing has changed and nothing is going to change. So, now he knows, so what.

It is hard to describe what I felt at that moment. Indifference, apathy, I don't' know. I closed the notebook, grabbed my backpack, got up and walked towards the door. "Mr. Curtis, you didn't ask for a pass," I heard the teacher say. I didn't reply. I didn't care, didn't want to say anything. I walked right by him, towards the door. There was dead silence in the classroom. On my way to the door, I shoved the notebook into the garbage can that was in the corner of the room, and walked out the door. Right before the door behind me closed I noticed Maryann quickly get up from her seat and run to the front fo the classroom. I wonder why.

I kept walking down the hallway. I wished I'd meet Two -Bit or something. He often cut classes and I hoped I'd run into him then. But I didn't. He wasn't' outside of the school either, nor in the school yard. I kept walking slowly not noticing anything around me and not thinking about anything in particular. I couldn't think at all, I couldn't concentrate on anything. I Just kept walking for hours. Finally I felt tired. I looked around - I was on the West side, way on the West side. There was a small alley not far from where I was standing and a few benches along each of its sides. I realized that was not the best place to sit down to rest, but there was no way I could walk all the way back now - I've been walking for hours. Besides, I didn't feel like going home. I didn't feel anything period. I set down. Just for a little while I thought. The street around was pretty empty. Only from time to time a few nice cars would pass by. I leaned on the back of the bench and closed my eyes.

I woke up from really loud voices right next to me. I opened my eyes. It was getting dark. "What's this junk doing here?" One of the voices said. There were 3 tall guys about 23 to 25 years old standing next to me. One of them looked at me with despise and said, "I think you confused this park with your little trashy street. What do you think its your private space or something, or your house?"

" He probably doesn't' have a house," the other one laughed. "He lives in the trailer or," he was really cracking up," a dumpster." The third guy said nothing. He was just standing there, chewing on his cigarette. I kept just sitting there. I felt like I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I leaned back and closed my eyes again. Then I felt one of them grab me by the collar. I opened my eyes. It was the third one. "You little piece of shit," he yelled, "you think you are going to ignore us? Look at me when I'm talking to you." He pulled me by the collar of my shirt so hard I started to choke. At that moment all of the sudden my indifference was replaced by such an intense feeling of hate. I shook his hand off of me and started pounding on him with my fists and my bag. "He is crazy," one of them screamed. They were coming to help their friend, who by now got over his initial shock and started to bit on me pretty hard, but I got out of his hands and started running. They ran after me for a while, but then decided not to bother. I guess track team paid off after all.

I saw them leave, bu I didn't' stop running . All this anger and all these other things that I was feeling inside were now making me run, were giving me all this energy that needed to come out.

It got really dark now. I didn't bother to look at my watch. I was back in my neighborhood soon. I found myself by the local church. The door was locked - it was way too late. I dropped myself on the stairs, and looked up at the sky. t Beautiful night sky full of stars. Only yesterday I was standing next to Maryann looking at the sky and feeling so good. That seemed so unreal now. All of the sudden the words from one of the Beatlessongs popped into my head.

_Imagine there is no heaven_

_It's easy if you try_

_No hell below us_

I couldn't remember what the last line was ... _And people never die_? I knew that wasn't' the right line, but I liked it better that way.

_Imagine there's no heaven_

_It's easy if you try_

_No hell below us_

_And people NEVER die_

The words kept repeating over and over in my head.

I was shaking. Why, why did my friends have to die? Why did my parents have to die? Why things don't make sense? I remembered what Maryann was saying yesterday - only good die young. Maybe, just maybe that's true. And maybe Johnny and Dallas are in Heaven now. And sure Johnny is better off over there than here with his parents beating him. God knows everything. He's always right. But is it so bad, I mean is it so terribly wrong if I just want my friend here in _this_ life? If I want him to be happy in _this _life? If I want him to be able to see things and go places like he wanted to in _this_ life? If I want a little happiness in _this _life, and not just some test I got to pass? Is that so wrong?

I got up and started walking again, then running. I just wanted to explode, to disappear and feel nothing, nothing at all. I ran until I felt absolutely exhausted. I stumbled over a small rock and started falling. I saw a piece of paper fall out of my pocket - a card Caroline Winters, C.S.W. I hit the ground next.

I opened my eyes and saw a ghost. A woman's face whiter than chalk. I kept staring at it. "Darrel, come here quick, the "ghost" said, "he is conscious."

" Thanks Carol," - Darry rushed into the room. Soda followed him. They were pretty pale too. Carol, Carol, who is Carol I thought - Caroline Winters, C.S.W. Darry came by the couch that I was lying on. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was afraid to. Finally he put his hand on my forehead - "no fever," he smiled weakly.

"Thank you," Carol said to me, color returning to her face.

"What?"

" Thank you for calling me."

" I called you? I don't remember that."

It was her turn to stare. "You called me Ponyboy. You must've been delirious. You kept saying something about heaven, and you kept repeating: the church, the church. We found you unconscious by the stairs of the church. Anything could've happened if you were left there alone." Darry looked like he was in physical pain as she said that. I grabbed his hand and he squeezed my palm really hard inside his big fist. And that could express what he was feeling better than any words could. Soda looked lost. He looked like a little child, who didn't know where his parents were. It wasn't' a face of a happy go lucky brother that I've known.

Carol glanced at me, then at each of my brothers. "It's going to be ok," she said softly. "It takes time, but it's going to be ok." It didn't look like either Darry or Soda believed that. I kind of didn't believe that either. "It will," she repeated. "It will get better, I promise." Then she went into the kitchen with Darry, I guess to give him instructions on what to do with me next, while Soda stayed in the room with me. All I wanted to say was Soda, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I didn't say it . I didn't know if things like that would keep happening to me. If tomorrow it might happen again and they would find me unconscious somewhere else, or in the dumpster. I wanted to say I'm sorry, I will never ever do this again. But I couldn't say that because I didn't think I could keep that promise.

A/N This one centers mainly around Ponyboy, but there will be more of Pony and Maryann stuff in the later chapters, I promise:)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclamer: I don't own The Outsiders

A/N Thank you so much to those who reviewed my story.

Whispers of a Fallen Angel thanks for comparing my writing to S. E. Hinton's. It's actually kind of a complement for me since I really like how she writes, even though it is nice to try your own style. I didn't intend that. It's just I probably read The Outsiders too many times. So her writing style stuck:) I'm glad you liked Maryann's story.

ItsallAboutPonyboy Yes, Ponyboy will get well soon. He might get well sooner than you think - read this chapter:)

DreamerandReckless thanks for liking my story.

Greasertwin thanks for sending me an email. You were on the right track with your guess, but not exactly right - read this chapter and you'll see what I mean:)

I decided not to make Pony's and Maryann's relationship too straightforward. I want them to have some reality bites before totally getting together. So, that'll be in this chapter as well as few later chapters.

Anyways, here is the chapter. Hope you enjoy:)

A few weeks passed by . Darry came down to school to talk to Mr. Syme and to the dean to explain what happened the other day. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone anymore. I had to be with somebody at all times. Most of the time it was Two-Bit , but sometimes Steve or Soda. Sometimes it annoyed the hell out of me, and I felt like a dog on a leash, but most of the time I didn't mind. I kept going to see Carol on Fridays. She showed me a few things that would make me feel better if I felt like I did the other day or if I felt like I wanted to run aimlessly to let out what I was feeling. She showed me how to breath slowly, and told me to get home immediately, and turn some really good music on. Something that I really liked, in spite of the fact, that at the moment I wouldn't be in the mood for no music. She said to even go to sleep and use the sleeping pills if I needed to. She also gave me another medication to make me relaxed if I felt panicky again. But she said to use it only in extreme cases 'cause it had side effects and it was addictive.

We became pretty good friends with Maryann over the past few weeks. Turns out she wasn't mad at me at all that day, after the night by the river. She had a huge math test that day, which was right after English. She was really nervous about it and kept talking about it with her friends. She let me borrow a few of her records, and she also told me why she ran to the front of the classroom that day. She wanted to "save" my essay. She sure is funny. She took it right out of the garbage can. I didn't want it back though, so I let her keep it.

We went out a few more times , but always with Two- Bit, who would bring a girl along sometimes, or with Two-Bit and Jesse. We have never gone anywhere alone yet. I really wanted to take her out, but it just felt, I don't know, awkward. We were becoming such good friends and I was afraid to ruin that. I was also scared that something might happen again - something like the other day, that I would lose control. I didn't want that to happen in front of her. Somehow I felt much more comfortable with Two-Bit being around.

Finally I decided to make my move and take her out. It was on a Friday night, and I just came back from Carol. I picked Maryann up at her house. Thank God Matt wasn't there this time. I didn't need his attitude right then. We went out to this diner that a lot of local kids go to. It is kind of a mix between a diner and a pool house. It is still in our neighborhood, but just a nicer and cleaner place than the ones we usually go to. More expensive too. I figured after that we could go to the movies or we could walk back to the river since she liked it so much last time.

We sat down and ordered. Maryann looked really pretty. I tried not to stare. We were just sitting there talking. I felt like I could be myself when I was with her. I didn't have to pretend, or act like someone else. It was great. She really understood. I can't believe I had English with her for 3 years in a row, and I only got to really know her now. And her eyes - the way they were shining at me. They were, I don't know, like a pair of shining magnets or something. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her badly.

Not long after we got our food, a homeless kid walked into the diner. He was really skinny, his clothes ripped. He was wearing a baseball hat that covered his face. You could only see his lips and his chin, which were pretty bruised up and dirty. He walked slowly between the few tables that were right by the door to see if there were any leftovers . He was walking a little funny too. Like he was kind of dragging his left leg after the right one. Finally some of the waiters noticed him. Some stared at him with disgust, some with pity. Finally one of them got a small piece of bread, threw some meat on it, and passed it to the kid. I wondered how old he could've been. You couldn't really tell. He was of a small build, but something in his posture showed that he wasn't that young. Or maybe it was just because of the way he was walking. He split the bread in two parts. Put one away and started eating the other one.

As he was walking towards the exit, he lost his balance for a split second, because the floor was just cleaned and it was slippery. For just a moment I could catch a glimpse of his face. In that one single moment, that short second I felt hot and cold and hot again . Sweat started running down my face. I felt like I was hit with the hammer over my head. Maryann's eyes widened . She looked really frightened. "What is it Ponyboy? What is it? Are you ok?" She didn't see the kid come in and leave, because she was sitting her back towards the door.

" Jo..." I opened my mouth, but I couldn't finish the word, "I'll be right back." I ran to the bathroom. God, I thought, I really am going crazy. This is awful, horrible. And worst of all Maryann knows it. She knows now that I'm crazy. I shouldn't have taken her out.

I turned the cold water on, and put my head in the sink letting cold water run on my head, neck and face. I washed my face thoroughly, wiped it off, and came out. I felt nauseous and it was really hard not to show how my hands were shaking and my whole body was shaking.

When I came up to the table, Maryann was still sitting there - her eyes wide opened. She looked frightened. She didn't say anything.

" I'm sorry ," I said putting tremendous effort to keep my voice steady, " I'm just... um, not feeling well." She nodded, also unable to say anything. We sat in silence for what seemed eternity. Then I thought no, no that cant' be . I have to check. I have to make sure. He couldn't have gone far yet. What if I'm not crazy, what if... I quickly threw $20 on the table and ran towards the exit. I stormed out of the diner. Oh, God Maryann, what she must be thinking of me now - my thoughts were racing. I turned around. She was standing by the door outside the diner. "Please, please Maryann don't' be mad," I yelled in the most pleading voice possible, and then I took off. I felt awful for leaving her there like that, but I kept running.

As I turned around the corner, I saw the homeless kid walking ahead of me. "Jo..., Johnny," I yelled on the top of my lungs. Not turning around, the kid attempted to run. He couldn't really run though, because of his leg. He was just walking faster, his whole body trying to move forward and his legs preventing him from doing so. I caught up with him in no time. As I reached him, I tried grabbing him to take off his hat so I could see his face, but instead I ended up pushing him, and he started falling. The hat fell off - oh God, it was Johnny! As he was falling, I saw absolute terror in his eyes, as he tried to cover his back with his hands before landing on it. Oh shit, shit his back - I quickly grabbed him right before he hit the ground. As soon as he regained his balance I let go of him.

I felt close to delirium. Johnny just stood there - such an expression of guilt on his face. He looked like he expected me to hit him. I felt like I was about to pass out. I came closer to him and started to touch his hands, his jacket, his hair as to make sure it was really him, and this was really happening and it wasn't just one of my crazy dreams. Finally, I felt exhausted and dizzy and I sat down on the ground right in the middle of the street. Johnny kept standing where he was. "How?" I finally managed, "Why?"

"I am sorry," he said quietly, "I really had no other choice."

"But how?" I repeated. He slowly sat down next to me, making sure not to hurt his back. "It's a long story," he said looking down. "You look like you are going to pass out, Pone." As he said that, it suddenly seemed so familiar and so real. It seemed like we were just hanging out yesterday. I finally started to comprehend what just happened. Johnny was back. I didn't care HOW, and I didn't want to know WHY. Johnny was back! I leaned towards him, tears streaming down my face, and gave him a huge bear hug. He was crying too. "I sure missed you, Pony. I missed all the guys." he finally managed. I smiled through my tears, "Me too."

"Where?" I asked next.

"I live at the cemetery...by Dall's grave."

"C'mon", Johnny said getting up. "We cant' be just sitting here in the middle of the street." He put his baseball hat back on so that his face would be covered. I'd laugh at that, if it was some other time - Johnny Cade goes undercover. But now it wasn't' funny. He started walking. I followed him. I was starting to get over my initial shock, but everything still felt very surreal. We walked in silence. From time to time I remembered about Maryann, and the frightened look on her face as she was standing by the door outside of the diner. That made me feel really lousy. I mean, the way I just left her there. I tried to ignore those thoughts. At least for now.

Finally we walked into the cemetery. It was very peaceful and quiet there. They always show you these spooky grave yards in horror movies with ghosts and all kinds of creatures, but this was just like a park. The leaves that fell off the trees were covering the ground like yellow -red carpet. Still it was a sad place. It looked and felt like a nice park, but instead of people there were graves. We passed by many tombstones and the dates of people's birth and death days were flashing in front of my eyes. I couldn't imagine how Johnny could possibly live here for almost three months. I came down here twice before with Darry and Soda. We came to visit Dally. And both times I could hardly stay here for half an hour. It was just too much, I don't know, too much pressure. And now too all that pressure was building up inside of me.

We reached Dally's grave. Both of us just stood there not able to say anything, but knowing exactly what was on the other one's mind.

"I saw you come here once," Johnny broke the silence, "I saw you coming and then I left real quick before you could notice me. I really wanted to come up to you guys, but I couldn't."

"You know that's really unfair to the guys," I said somewhat harshly. "They are really heartbroken over your "death" and you were all alive and didn't even bother to let us know." I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh, but it just did. I felt angry at Johnny. I mean, I almost lost my mind over his"death". I mean, I was so endlessly happy that he was alive, and yet I was angry at him - weird, huh.

"I'm sorry Pony," Johnny said looking down, "I really wanted to, but I couldn't."

We sat down next to the grave. I saw that Johnny wanted to tell me everything, but didn't quite know how start.

"So, tell me," I said.


	7. ch7

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

A/N Thanks again to all my reviewers. I'm putting up the next 3 chapters. They kind of go together so I'm putting all 3 of them at once.

iheartponyboy33 I'm glad you are back. Yeah, I know you didn't expect it. I wanted the reader to be as surprised as Ponyboy was:) I'm glad you liked it. It just wouldn't be the same without Johnnycake :)

Whispers of a Fallen Angel I like plot twists too. That's why I wanted to try to write my story this way. Thanks for sticking around ;)

ItsallAboutPonyboy I'm so happy you liked the idea of Johnny being alive. I thought Pony deserved to have his best friend back.

DreamerandReckless thanks for sticking around. I hope you can warm up to the idea of Johnny being alive :)

greasertwin I'm glad you liked that Johnny is alive.

Anyway, here we go:)

Johnny took a deep breath and began his story:

"You remember how you came to visit me last time," he paused, "with Dally."

"Yes," I nodded.

"Well, that's the last thing I remembered too. I swear I thought I was dying. Everything started to get blurry and fuzzy and that was the last thing I remembered. The next time I opened my eyes it was real cold and I remember thinking that I was already dead. Then I saw this woman, a nurse actually, and she was screaming and running out of the room. Everything was still fuzzy and I couldn't move and it was really, really freezing. Then I realized that there was a plastic bag over my body, and two belts - one around my chest and one around my ankles. I was so shocked to realize that I was alive. I was sure that I was dying that day, when you came. And the doc was saying that all along, that I would die. I overheard him say that to the nurse like a million times."

He paused to take another deep breath.

"I guess I went to a coma or something, I don't know. It smelled awful in that room, and it was freezing. I was in a morgue, Pony, I was in a morgue. There were freezers with dead guys everywhere and even though they were in freezers, it still stunk awful in there. I kept throwing up form all that stink. At first, I was so shocked I didn't' even scream for help or nothin' , but then I started yelling for help. But noone showed. There were these huge fans in there, to ventilate the place, I guess, and they made an awful lot of noise. Imagine you are stuck in the morgue all by yourself surrounded by dead folk Pone, plastic bag over your whole body so you can't even move." He tried to smile, but it came out as a very weak, sad smile. I froze inside, "Didn't the nurse that brought you there come back?"

"Naw, I guess she got scared or something. Thought I was a ghost."

"That's ridiculous."

He just shrug in response.

"So, what then?" I asked.

"Then? Then I kept calling for help until my voice got hoarse, but noone showed. Then I wished I was dead. I swear, Pony, I did. I tried to close my eyes and make myself pass out hoping I wouldn't wake up and I would just die, but it wouldn't happen." He gasped for more air and continued. "You know how they said I was paralyzed below my waste 'n all?"

"Yeah," I said eagerly. I was still waiting to hear how on earth he's able to walk.

"Well, I thought then my whole body was paralyzed 'cause I couldn't' move at all. Not even my arms. It was hours before I realized it was just 'cause it was so freezing and 'cause of those stupid belts. I was lying there for days, Pony. I don't know how many - a few. I wished someone came to even pick up the corpses to burry them or whatever, but noone did."

"You must've been starving."

"Yeah, well actually at first I didn't even think of food, you know, but later yeah. Never mind food, Pone. I couldn't even take a leak, you know. Try that for a few days."

I stared at him - the image clearly appearing in front of my eyes. Johnny on a stretcher, big white plastic bag over his body, strapped with those belts, just like he said. Starved and unable to even use the bathroom. "God, how long have you been there?" I asked - my voice unsteady.

"I dunno, proly 4 or 5 days."

"And then?"

"Well, I couldn't take it no more. I started turning and tossing on the stretcher and I finally untied the top belt with my teeth, and got a hold of my arms. Then I was able to take the other belt of my ankles. I couldn't stay there for another second."

He paused, remembering how it all went down.

"Johnny," I shook him by the shoulder slightly.

"Well," he continued, "it was pretty awful, and I still couldn't move my legs."

"And?" I was getting impatient.

"And... I fell off the stupid stretcher, Pone," he said.

"Stupid, you could've hurt yourself even more."

"It's not like I had any choice. I figured it couldn't get worse than it already was. I couldn't feel anything below my waist anyway. I figured I'd drag myself to the exit using my arms. I had to either get out of there, or die already. I couldn't be in between life and death no more. You know how they said how the nerve in my spine was completely dead. Well I guess it wasn't _completely_ dead, 'cause when I fell off the stretcher I felt pain. And I knew then that my spinal chord wasn't completely dead, you dig?"

For a moment I wished his story was over already. It was getting a bit too much.

In the meantime Johnny continued, "When I fell, I passed out for a while and when I came back to senses it was night already. I was able to use my arms to drag myself out of that awful place. Thank God someone left a wheel chair in the hallway by one of the doors. I was able to use that."

"You know," I said, "you could've called us. I don't understand why you didn't let us know."

He looked down, the expression of guilt returning to his face. "After all I was through," he said somewhat annoyed, "I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to get outta there. And besides, I didn't have no money for a phone call."

I decided not to interrupt him anymore and just let him go on with his story.

"So, like I said," he continued, "I just wanted to get outta there. Using the wheelchair was pretty hard, but I was able to get down to the train station. I met a bunch of homeless guys over there. There are always a few over there, that sleep on the benches, you know. They recognized me. They knew all about the fire in the church 'n all. I guess the word really gets around. They told me about Dally." He stopped talking and glanced at Dally's grave. "You know," he said, "it's been a while and I still can't get over it." There were tears in his eyes, but he controlled himself right away.

"I guess, you never quite get over stuff like that" I said. If only he knew how I almost lost my mind over his own "death". There was so much I wanted to tell him, but I realized that now wouldn't be the right time.

"After they told me about Dal, I just came here and stayed here since." Johnny said.

I wanted him to tell me how he got to walk again, but I didn't feel like asking him directly.

"After a month or so," he continued, "I lost my wheelchair. That was the best thing that happened to me. If not for that I probably still wouldn't know that I could walk. At first I was just lying here for days . No food or nothin'. I didn't feel like eating anyway. But one night I remembered this thing I saw on the news once, long time ago. Back when I was still a kid. About this guy, James Johnson. He was a swimming champ, and he busted his back while working out. He was paralyzed and in a wheelchair. And everyone was predicting that he would never walk again. But his wife was expecting a child, and he said that for the sake of his child he would walk again. And he did it, he really did it. (A/N: true story that I read in a magazine long time ago. It took him several years to be able to walk again though:)) So if he could do it, I decided to try too. At first I could only crawl on my knees. It would take me about 3 days to crawl from here back to the train station or anywhere else to get food. I've been able to walk like this only for about a month." He stopped talking, ending his story abruptly. I guess that was it.

He went through all of that all alone. All by himself.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

"Well, let's go then," I said getting up.

"Where?" he said defensively. "I ain't going nowhere."

That was too much. I couldn't believe it. "You are not really thinking of stayin' here?"

"Yeah, I am. This is my only way to be free, you know. I ain't going back there to be beaten and yelled at and treated like I'm the worst thing that happened to them. They wanted me dead. I'm dead all right." His eyes were blazing with anger.

"Johnny, we are not idiots, we won't tell your parents."

"They'll know. They'll know one way or the other. The word gets around. My house is practically next to yours. And I ain't gonna be one more mouth for Darry to feed. He works 2 jobs as it is."

"So, you are just going to live at the cemetery begging for food. That's some freedom you know."

He looked a little lost as I said that, but then he said quietly, "you don't understand Ponyboy, anything is better than what I had there. It's not just about the bruises and the pain. I can take that. It's you know," he paused thinking of the right word, "it's about dignity, you dig? It's one thing when some socs beat you up, but it's totally different when it's your own parents. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"I know, but we'll make sure your parents don't find out and I'm sure Darry won't mind."

"No," he said quietly, but firmly. "That's why I didn't let you know in the first place. I figured it would be better this way. That, and..." he paused. "I was kind of ashamed."

"Of what?"

"Of the way I was... the way I am - a cripple."

"You are not a cripple, Johnny."

"Yeah, I am. You better go back Pony," he added, "and if you still call yourself my friend you wont' tell noone either."

I realized that his mind was made up. "I won't tell noone." I repeated mechanically.

"Swear."

"I swear, Johnny, I swear."

"Well, bye then, I guess."

"I'll come visit you here sometime."

"Sure."

I left. I wasn't angry at him anymore. I kind of understood now why he did what he did, and why he didn't want to come back. Gallant gentleman Johnny Cade. He wouldn't want to impose on anyone. He didn't want anyone to take care of him. I was determined though to get him to come back eventually. I just needed time to figure out how to do it.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

As I was walking back, all the thoughts about Maryann that I was holding back while concentrating on Johnny's story, were now "attacking" me with double force. I was almost running so I could get home as soon as possible and call her. I was so happy that Johnny was alive, but I was equally upset about how things went with Maryann.

When I got home, I barely said hi to Darry and Soda, and rushed to my room to make the call. I dialed the number. "Hello," I heard on the other end of the line. It was Matt.

"Hi, it's Ponyboy, can I talk to Maryann?" I said trying to sound as nice as possible.

"You better forget this phone number, pal," he "barked" and hung up the phone. I really hated him at that moment. Who the hell is he to talk to me like that? I waited a little bit and dialed the number again, determined to yell at him if I had to. This time Maryann's mom picked up though.

"Hi," I said, "this is Ponyboy Curtis. Can I talk to Maryann please." There was uneasy silence on the other end of the line. "Just a second, let me get her," she said after a pause. A second later she came back to the phone, "Sorry, but Maryann doesn't want to talk to you. Please don't call here again. Bye now." My heart fell. I ruined it, I ruined it, I ruined it! "Bye," I said and hung up.

I went to bed, but sleeping was not an option. My thoughts were racing. I was thinking about Maryann and how badly I screwed things up. I was also thinking how to convince Johnny to come back. It has been one long day. I had the whole weekend ahead of me, and I had planned to spend it with Maryann. But all was lost now. I finally fell asleep by 4 a.m. and then slept through half of Saturday. I didn't care. It's not like I had something to do anyway. When I finally got up both Darry and Soda were gone. I killed time by reading. Reading was the only thing that could distract me from my thoughts. Two-Bit called a few times asking if I wanted to hang out, but I wasn't up to it. .

I couldn't wait till Monday so I could see Maryann in school and talk to her in person. What would I tell her though. I shouldn't have left her there the other night. And besides, I couldn't even tell her about Johnny. He made me swear not to tell anyone. Plus she probably wouldn't believe me anyway, even if I did tell her. I'm sure she now thinks that I'm crazy. Just like all of the other ones think that I'm crazy.

I got to school extra early on Monday. I wanted to make sure I had time to talk to Maryann before English. Not long after I got there, she walked into the classroom. "Hi," I said not as loud as I wished I did. She glanced at me quickly, then looked down and passed right by me, not saying hi. She was giving me the silent treatment. "Maryann, c'mon, please. I'm sorry about the other night. Please hear me out." She looked at me again. She looked really mad now. "I know you weren't feeling well 'n all, but you just don't do shit like that, Ponyboy. You don't invite me to come there with you and then just leave me there. You just don't' do that," she repeated and went to her seat. I went to my seat too. I took out a piece of paper and wrote:

_Maryann, I am really sorry about the other night. But I really need to talk to you. Please meet me in the school yard after classes._

_Ponyboy_.

Some of her friends came in by now, and she was standing by their desk talking to them. When she wasn't looking, I came up to her desk and put my note inside of her textbook.

After school was over, I waited in the schoolyard for 2 hours. She didn't show. I was completely destroyed. Things just never work out. First I had a girl, but I was lost without my best friend, and now my best friend was back, but I lost the girl. Tired and disappointed, I went home.

Around 6:30, when we were having dinner somebody knocked on the door. And they weren't just knocking either. They were banging like only the cops do. Soda and Darry exchanged confused looks. Noone ever knocked on our door. Everyone knew we always had it unlocked. After exchanging looks both Soda and Darry looked at me as if asking, what have you done now? I got up and started walking towards my room. "Stay where you are," Darry commanded, and went to open the door.

To my complete surprise it was Matt. "Does Ponyboy Curtis live here?" he asked, not even saying hello first.

"And you would be ... who?" Darry asked reluctantly. But Matt spotted me standing in the corner of the room by then. He walked in, bringing strong smell of dope into the house. "You little punk, I told you not to mess around with my sister," he yelled at me, not paying any attention to Darry or Soda, who stood there in amazement. "Some hero, huh, you want to get in someone's pants get yourself a hooker." He cursed me out then.

"Get out," Soda yelled, "Darry tell him to get out."

"Keep your little cub on a leash," he yelled back at Soda, "tell him to stay the hell away from my sister." It then suddenly hit me _what_ he thought it was I've done to Maryann. That made me sick. And Darry was staring at me. "Is that true, Ponyboy?" he asked quietly.

"No, Darry. I swear. I swear to God!"

"Yeah," Matt kept yelling, "how come then she's been crying every evening since she went out with you last Friday, and she wouldn't even talk to anyone."

"That's enough." Darry was pushing him outside.

"I'll tell you when it's enough," he yelled back, hitting Darry in the face, right in the corner of his lip.

A second later the two of them were wrestling each other outside of the house. They were beating each other pretty badly. I felt my pulse rise. "I didn't do nothing to Maryann," I yelled on the top of my lungs, "it's Johnny,... it's Johnny... he's alive!" Both of them stopped immediately and froze as if bitten by snakes. Darry looked at me as if I've completely lost it. He was convinced that his younger brother was crazy. He was still sitting on the ground, not even bothering to get up. Matt got a hold of himself first. He got up, and gave Darry a hand, helping him up. "Sorry man," he mumbled, "I didn't know the kid was messed up so bad. His friend been dead for months, right?" Darry just nodded in response. Matt didn't say anything else. He just turned around and walked off.

Darry's confusion was replaced by anger. "You know what?" he yelled, " I don't need this shit. You think it's easy for me. I work 2 jobs. I am your mother, your father, and your grandparents all in one. I have this stupid city exam coming up, 'nd now I have to deal with this shit?" I was silent. "Now swear to me that you haven't done anything, um... stupid to that girl?"

"I swear Darry, I swear." I couldn't believe that he was doubting me like that. How could he event think that.

"And Johnny is dead," he added bluntly. "He is dead, and you better get used to it, and stop playing crazy. 'Cause you know where the place for crazy is ? That's right, in the psychiatric ward." He went inside the house, slamming the door.

I stayed outside. I looked up, and once again I saw beautiful dark night sky full of stars. "Thanks for letting me have Johnny back" I whispered to the sky. And then I felt calm. I knew what I had to do next.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

A/N Thanks for your reviews guys. They really mean a lot. Here is another chapter:) I actually like to write a few at a time. I don't like doing just one. But I never have the time. Actually, I don't know how you read one at a time. I can never do that. When I pick up a book I usually can't stop until I've read at least 5 chapters. So on here too I read stories that have at least like 5 or 6 chapters up so I can read at least 3 at a time:)

Whispers of a Fallen Angel 5 clubs? That's a lot, but if they are all interesting clubs then it's cool. Homework sucks though:( Well, thanks for taking time out of your schedule to read my story.

ItsallAboutPonyboy I'm glad you liked my little Darry against Matt fight. There's some more fighting coming up:)

DreamerandReckless More Pony and Maryann action coming right up:) This chapter and the next one too.

greasertwin don't worry 'bout Johnny - he'll be all right:)

iheartponyboy33 details, details:) They don't put you in a morgue naked. That would be a little perverted:) So, let's say he had his hospital gown on, and then he got some old dirty clothes from the homeless people at the station:) Thanks for pointing this out though. Makes me use my head a little more:)

Anyways, here we go

The next day I rushed to school determined to talk to Maryann and make her listen to me whether she wanted to or not, but when I walked into the classroom she wasn't there. I was hoping that she'd come in a little while, but it was 5 minutes before the bell and she still wasn't' there. Maybe she's just late - I didn't give up my hope. A few minutes later her best friend Lauren walked in. They usually came to school together. Shit, I thought remembering Matt's words - "she's been crying every evening." What if something's wrong, what if she's sick or something.

"Hey Lauren," I nearly screamed as she passed my desk on the way to her seat. She gave me a puzzled look, 'cause I never really spoke to her before.

"Hey is Maryann sick or something? Do you know?" I asked determined to go to Maryann's house immediately if I had to.

She hesitated for a second, then looked at me and said, "Ok, I'm not supposed to tell you , but she decided to skip English today, said it was getting too weird between the two of you. She's in the cafeteria." Lauren kind of rolled her eyes and went to her seat. I grabbed my backpack and ran out of the room. "Um, thanks Lauren," I yelled on my way. As I ran down the hallway, I almost ran into Mr. Syme, who was walking to class. He gave me a shocked, disappointed look, and said something, but I didn't really hear what it was he was saying, 'cause I was on the other end of the hallway by then.

I walked into the cafeteria. She was sitting all alone at one of the tables, reading a book. I tried to gather my thoughts before coming up to her. But someone came up to her before me. At first I couldn't see who it was, but then I saw the face- it was Jimmy Graham. "I don't think you have lunch this time," he stated somewhat obnoxiously, sitting down on the empty seat next to her.

"I don't," she replied calmly and somewhat annoyed, not even looking up from her book.

"No need to get rude," he said with a smirk. "Pretty girl like you, that's not nice," he added sarcastically. "Whattcha reading?" - he tried to pull the book from her hand, but she kept holding on to it. I froze. I didn't know if I should come up. I was afraid to make things worse, given that the last time I tried talking to her, she gave me the silent treatment. So, I kept watching from the side ready to jump in at any moment if things got carried too far. And they sure did.

He finally pulled the book away from Maryann's hands. Then he moved closer and put his arm around her shoulder. "That's better," he smirked. "No need to play hard to get. You greasy girls aren't hard to get are you?" She tried to shake his hand off in disgust.

In one leap I was next to them. "Hey Jimmy," I said, "you are in my seat."

He looked up,"Why don't you go seat somewhere else, don't you see we are having a conversation?"

Maryann looked at me quickly, then at Jimmy. "My friend is sitting here," she said to him firmly, still trying to shake his arm off her shoulder. "He just went to get food."

"You mean he _was_ sitting here? 'Cause he ain't sitting here no more," he smirked not letting go of her. "Hey, where's the food?" he added then, turning to me, "I don't see no food. Why don't you go back and stand in line for a while, and be a good boy pick up a soda and some chips for me while you are at it."

"Hey, Jimmy," I said clearing my throat, "I don't want to make a scene here, why don't you just let her go and we forget it."

"Are you kidding me?" he laughed in my face. "Are you kidding me?" he repeated again, getting hysterical, "I'm twice your size, moron." He got up, spitting on the floor thru his teeth. Maryann's eyes widened. She was about to say something, but before she had a chance to, I felt a strong punch hit me in my left shoulder. I fell, but I got right back up.

I was able to grab his arm and twist it behind his back. Then I pushed him and was able to get him on the floor. I don't even like fights that much, especially after what happened to Johnny and Dally, but this? This was too much. He crossed the line. He really does think he owns everyone, and everyone is supposed to do whatever he says. I kept pounding on him. Everywhere - his shoulders, stomach, legs. My hand was starting to hurt I was punching so hard. I was punching him everywhere. Everywhere, but his face. That would be too much.

Finally, he was able to free his arm and punched me right in my face. I guess _he_ didn't think that was too much. He punched my nose, my eyes, and then my lips. I felt blood streaming down my face, and I felt blinded for a second. He got back on his feet. Then he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me back up. As he held me with one hand, he punched me in the shoulder with his other hand. He looked mad. Disgusting and mad. Like a bull, that was running to kill his matador. I fell after he punched me, but was back up right away. I felt dizzy, and that didn't help matters, because I couldn't stand steady on my feet. I started to fall again, and I briefly saw Maryann's shocked face as I was falling. "Stop it immediately," she finally yelled, hitting Jimmy from behind, with her backpack. "Stop it, you arrogant, nasty jerk." He froze for a second insulted, then spit through his teeth, and pushed her away so she made a few steps back. "I'll deal with you later," he yelled.

In the meantime I got back up on my feet and started punching him again. He was twice as mad now as he was before.

There was a huge crowed around us by then. Mostly socs. I felt hopeless. I knew that even if I took care of Jimmy, any of them would jump in any second to help him out. They didn't believe in fighting one on one. Actually, most of the time they'd make sure they outnumbered us before they'd get into a fight. Suddenly I felt someone pull me away from behind, separating me from Jimmy's tight "embrace." " It's all right Ponyboy, it's all right." - It was Jesse. Two of Jimmy's friends stepped forward then, prepared to attack Jesse or me. Then the crowed suddenly went "Ah," and all of us turned around instantly - the dean was walking in our direction. He looked superpissed. Before you could turn around Jimmy and his friends were gone.

"Get outta here," Jesse whispered, "get out quick I'll deal with him." I wasn't sure, "c'mon," he pushed me forward slightly. I quickly grabbed my and Maryann's backpacks in one hand, and grabbed Maryann's hand with my other hand and ran out to the back exit.

The back exit led right outside, to the school yard. That's how those who wanted to cut classes usually got out. We stopped outside to catch our breathes. Maryann didn't take her hand out of mine, which I hoped was a good sign. We walked out of the school yard in silence. I felt a little more relaxed then. "So, do you cut classes often?" I finally asked with a smile.

"Sometimes," she answered, trying to hold back a smile, but unsuccessfully.

I wiped my face off, there was still some blood on it.

"I am really sorry," she added in a few minutes. I gave her a puzzled look. "About Matt the other day," she continued. "I swear I didn't know. I never gave him the idea... I couldn't believe him, when he told me yesterday when he got home."

"It's Ok," I shrugged. "Don't worry about it." I didn't care about Matt anymore. I was just so happy that she was talking to me again.

"This Graham jerk is disgusting," she changed the subject. "Thanks so much, and sorry for putting you on the spot. Thank God your friend got there. I thought the two of you were going to kill each other."

My body was sore and my shoulder hurt badly where he'd punched me, but I tried not to show it. "It's fine," I said, "he didn't get me too bad."

"I can't go home yet," she said. "Matt is home and he'll know that I skipped school."

"You want to go to the park?" I asked eagerly - there was my chance to talk to her and explain everything. But then I changed my mind. I decided not to do any explaining for now, and not to tell her about Johnny. Now that she was talking to me again I didn't want to give her another chance to doubt me, to think that I'm weird or crazy.

"Sure," she said, "we can go to the park."

"You are going to shine tomorrow," she said smiling.

"Really?" I glanced at my reflection in the window of a building we were passing by. She was right. I saw a huge mark right where my cheekbone is. That would definitely turn bright blue, black and red by tomorrow.

"Really," she replied, and then before I could say anything I felt... her soft, warm lips on mine. It was ... heaven. I didn't want to let go, but I did. Just for a second. Then I leaned against the wall of the building, pulled her towards me, closed my eyes and gave her a really long kiss. It was so nice to feel her arms around my neck, and feel her soft, silky hair touch my face. I've been wanting this for so long. When I finally let go, she looked at me playfully and started to walk ahead of me. I caught up with her, and put my arm around her shoulder. She didn't remove it. I pulled her much closer and we kept walking.

We got to the park pretty soon. _The_ park where the socs attacked us that night. I felt uneasy, but only for a second. Especially now that I knew Johnny is alive, I was able to get a hold of myself quickly. We sat down by the fountain.

"Listen Maryann," I said, "about the other night. I'm really really sorry. It's just..."

She looked somewhat uneasy. Probably was afraid that I was going to have another "episode."

"I don't want to know." She said quickly. "I don't care. It's ok."

"I have a really good reason, I swear," I continued. "I just can't tell you right now. Not yet."

"I don't care," she repeated.

"I wonder if Jesse is going to get detention now. Instead of me," I said to change the subject.

"It was really nice of him to do that," she said.

"Yeah, well he's a senior, and he got accepted to college already so he doesn't' really care what goes on his record. And besides he's cool like that."

"Is your brother going to be mad?" she asked.

"He ain't gonna be mad, 'cause I ain't gonna tell him."

"So, what you are just gonna tell him you fell of the stairs or something?" she laughed..

" I'll think of something."

"He really cares about you doesn't he? Matt said he was ready to beat the crap out of him for you."

"I guess he does, he just takes things way too seriously if you ask me."

"I'm really sorry about Matt," she said again. "He isn't really like that. It's just..." She paused trying to find the right words.

"It's ok. Don't worry about it." I said softly. She looked so beautiful at that moment. Even though she had a sad look on her face she still looked beautiful. The weather was nice and the rays of light were playing in her chestnut hair. I wished I had a camera or something so I could take pictures of her. That would look really awesome. Or that I had my painting stuff with me so I could paint her portrait. I took her in my arms and kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around my neck. Feeling her in my arms, feeling the warmth of her body was ... I just can't describe it. I wished this day would never end. I wished this kiss would never end.

"Well, it's time to go," she said when it was around 2.

"I'll walk you."

"Sure."

I put my arm around her shoulder again, and we walked to her house. "Um, Maryann..."

"What?"

"Do you want to go out tomorrow night? To make up for the last time. No weird stuff this time. I promise."

"Sure," she said playfully, "but better not run off on me this time."

As we approached her house, I took my hand of her shoulder just in case Matt decided to show up.

"I'll tell Matt to give you a ride home. I don't want you walking by yourself after what happened," Maryann said.

"Um, I don't think that would be such a great idea."

"C'mon, I was really mad at him yesterday when he told me. Even told him I'd never speak to him again. So now he's kind of ashamed and I can boss him around a little." She smiled.

So, I was not the only one she was giving the silent treatment to, I thought. I was still hesitant though. God knows what her brother is up to. I'd get into his car, and who knows, where it is that he'll give me a ride to. Then again he did give Darry a hand and helped him up last night after he realized he was wrong. Before I could give her an answer, the door opened and Matt came out. He was still trying to tune his guitar that he had over his shoulder on a strap. He obviously didn't expect to see me. He thought it was just his sister. We stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"Matt, I need you to give Ponyboy a ride home," Maryann said in somewhat bossy tone of voice. He glanced at her, then at me - "Sure"

He gave his guitar to Maryann to take it back in, and went to the garage to get the car. I was still silent.

"C'omon. It's ok," Maryann said playfully. "I'll see you tomorrow." She went inside.

"Hop in," Matt said, lighting a cigarette, and I noticed that he didn't smell like dope this time.

"Listen dude," he said as we were driving, "I was kind of messed up yesterday, got the wrong idea. You understand right?" (A/N Did they say dude in the 60's? I don't really know:))

"Sure," I shrugged.

"So, your brother is really mad at me huh," he stated.

"I think he's mad at _me_ and not at you."

Matt didn't say anything, just chewed on his cigarette for a while.

"So what happened to you?" he said next, pointing to my face.

"Nothing, I fell during track practice,"I said defensively.

"I'm sure you did," he replied not even trying to pretend that he believed me. We were silent for a few minutes.

"Well, I think you are on the next block," - he pulled over. "You can walk one block right? I don't need to run into your brother just now."

"He ain't home, but I can walk anyway," I said getting out of the car. "Thanks for the ride."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N Ok I finally updated. It took a while I know:) I can get pretty lazy sometimes:) Well now I have about 5 or 6 more chapters done. So the updates should be much faster. Thanks to everyone who reviewed my story. Special thanks to doodlegirl and greasertwin for pushing me to update. And to greasertwin for some really good ideas for my story. This will be going between Pony and Maryanne and Pony trying to help Johnny. Kind of two most important people in his life as of now. But I will give the spotlight to each of the members of the gang as well in some later chapters, because... well, because they are all great and I love them:)

Ok here we go:)

Only when I walked into the house, I truly realized how happy I was. Oh, my God, I kissed her, shit – YES! I ran it in my mind again and again. That kiss! I was restless. I remembered Steve then, when he was just starting going out with Evie. I remember him getting ready for one of the dates and being slightly nervous, Soda and Darry making jokes, and trying to get him even more nervous. Then he was pacing back and forth in our living room and then he turned to me and said, 'remember Pony, girls, they can drive you crazy, I mean crazy.' I know now what he meant, all right.

I tried doing some of my homework, but I couldn't concentrate. Then I remembered Soda and Sandy, and that made me sad. I mean, Sandy seemed so good, so nice, decent. I personally thought that she was different from other girls, that she was better. But turns out I was wrong. Then I remembered Soda saying a few weeks ago "you never know what these girls turn out to be." He said that after Steve and Evie tried to hook him up with Evie's friend, what's her name? Shit, I don't even know if he's still seeing this girl. I never bothered to ask. What kind of brother am I? Anyways, I guess I should be careful, who knows what Maryanne really turns out to be. She seems absolutely awesome right now, but so did Sandy. I felt guilty for thinking about Maryanne this way, but after I've seen what my brother went through, I had to be realistic.

"Hey, Pony ya in here?" I heard Two Bit's loud voice in our living room.

"I'm in my room," I yelled, "come in here"

"Naw, you come out here, got something to show you."

"Oh, what now?" I sighed, getting up and walking towards the living room, leaving my books on my desk, still unopened.

"Hey," I nodded to Two Bit, and he nodded back, "so what is it?"

"Come out, you'll see"

He led me outside. And there oh, my God, I couldn't believe it. There stood a red, shiny, brand new, Hurly Davidson bike. Latest model too. It was gorgeous. I was speechless for a moment, then the idea dawned on me – "you didn't…"

"Naw," he interrupted, "you know I don't' do shit like that. Stealin' cars, bikes and stuff like that ain't my thing. Don't' you know that by now?"

"So where then…"

"My dad," he interrupted again. "My mom finally took him to court for all the years of child support that he never paid. It's called back child support or something. He never paid a dime since I was a kid, Pony. My mom, oh, I don't know. She's just too proud. "I don't want nothin' from this bastard anyway. We get by without his stinkin' money, he can just choke on every dime, he owes us." That's the kind of shit she kept saying all these years. But they cut her hours at her job a few months ago, and we really need the money. So she took him to court. 'Xept he don't' got that much money either. So in addition to what he can pay they repossessed this as well, and he still owes us, and will be sending checks for a long time to come. Motorcycles were always his passion," he added with a sigh. "My mom thinks we are gonna sell this bike," he grinned and rolled his eyes. "What d'ya think, we are gonna sell it?"

I started laughing.

Two bit stared at the mark on my check. "So, what happen to you?"

"Had a running in with Jimmy Graham."

"That jerk," Two Bit replied after a short pause. "What happened?"

"He was talking shit to Maryanne in the cafeteria"

"So, you showed him huh?" he smirked.

"Whatever," I shrugged.

"So, you back together with that chick?" He asked next.

I regretted that I mentioned it, but it was too late now. "Uh-ha," I nodded, and left it at that.

"Anyway," Two Bit continued, "you want to take it around the block?"

I was hoping he'd ask that. Took him a while, but at least he did. I hopped on the bike and took off, before he could say anything or give me the helmet. He was just standing there waving the helmet at me, and yelling that if I break my head, Darry would break his. I didn't care. I haven't done this in a long time. Last time was a few years ago. It felt awesome. My heart was pounding. I felt like I was flying with the wind or something. Suddenly, an idea entered my mind, and I turned around back to our house.

"What did you take off like that for? Jeez" Two Bit was yelling at me, as I approached him. I hopped off the bike, and parked it by the curb next to where he was standing.

"Hey, do you think I can borrow it this Friday night, I want to take Maryanne out," I blurted out. He looked surprised for a second, and then started laughing uncontrollably. "You sure are quick, kid, huh?"

"C'mon Two Bit. You know I ride well. I wont' break it, I won't do nothing with it. C'mon." I felt like a three year old asking his dad for an ice-cream or something.

"Fine," he said, "only 'cause it's you. Stop glowing now, Jeez," he added. " 'K I'm gonna go now." He hopped on the bike and took off. He sure looked tuff on that bike. I wonder if I look this tuff when I'm riding it.

When Friday came, I suddenly felt nervous. I was looking forward to this the whole week, but now I kind of didn't want to go. I mean I did, but I didn't. As I was ready to go I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. No, I look like shit. I mean same old t-shirt and old jeans. Maryanne always looks so nice. It's not like she's rich or anything, but it's just, I don't know. It doesn't matter that she isn't rich, it still looks nice. I quickly ran into Soda's room, got to his closet and dug out his old leather jacket. He always wears it when he wants to impress chicks. Not like he has to. They stare at him all the time anyway – jacket or no jacket. I put it on and looked in the mirror. Ok, better, I thought. That sure looks tuff.

Darry got home by then. "Where you going? He asked suspiciously.

"I'm going to the movies with Maryanne." I replied, staring Darry right in the eyes, and hoping that he wouldn't ask any more questions. He seemed lost for words, and there was an instant question mark in the expression of his face.

"Darry, I swear nothing happened with me and Maryanne last time. Her brother got it all wrong. He actually kind of apologized the other day." Darry didn't say anything, but there was still doubt and disbelief in his eyes.

"C'mon," I said, and in spite of trying not to be angry, I felt angry, and it came out in my voice. "How come you believe some guy that you haven't ever met before over what _I'm_ telling you?" I started for the door. He was still silent. As I almost left, I heard him say "sorry Pony it's just … you haven't been yourself lately. Be careful all right? You got your watch on?"

"Yes," I answered reluctantly, not tuning around.

"Be home at a decent hour ok?" That's all he said, and I left.

I went straight to Two Bit's house to get the bike. After a half an hour lecture about what to do and what not to do with the bike, and what chicks dig and don't dig, I finally left Two Bit's.

I parked the bike by Maryanne's house and rang the bell. Suddenly, I felt panic. What if she doesn't' like bikes. I mean, not all girls do. Some of them are actually not into that kind of thing at all. Shit, why haven't' I asked her before just showing up here like this?

"Hi Pony," Maryanne came out the door. I stepped aside so she could see the bike. Her eyes lit up instantly, when she saw it. "Oh, my God, why didn't you tell me earlier you had one?" She seemed pretty exited.

"It's not mine, it's Two Bit's," I replied, smiling in spite of myself. I sure liked her reaction. Then the door opened again, and Matt came out. He was going to say something, but he saw the bike, and I saw his eyes light up with the same exact expression as Maryanne's did a second ago. "That's yours?" He said.

"Uh-ha." - More silence. I could see he wanted to ask if he could give it a try, but he was too proud.

"Nice, do you mind if I give it a try?" he finally managed. I looked at Maryanne.

"Sure," she said, "just don't wreck it and get back soon. We don't have the whole night to wait for you." He took off, but was back pretty soon. "Tuff," he said admiringly, giving the bike back to me. Then he gave me a hesitant look, like he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if he should, or didn't know how to start. Finally, he ran his hand through his hair, cleared his throat and said, "Ok, I ain't gonna give you the whole lecture, but you two be careful." He looked me right in the eyes, and I could tell he was getting back to his old self of one heck of an overprotective brother. Maryanne rolled her eyes, and I just kept my mouth shut leaving it between the two of them.

I got on the bike, and Maryanne hopped on behind me. I felt blood rush to my temples when she wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. I felt hot as if it was 100 degrees outside. "Where to?" I mumbled.

"Anywhere," she said laughing. I took off. I wasn't sure where exactly I was going. That wasn't the point. What _was_ the point? I don't know. It was this … this flying with the wind, and Maryanne behind me, her hands pressed tightly around my waist, and her head on my shoulder. Her hands were so soft, nice, girly hands, but at the same time they were strong. I don't know how that's possible. It was getting dark, and the fresh cool breeze made it feel even better. It was this feeling of, I don't know, relief, instant freedom. Like that's what it's all about. Not about arguing with Darry or fighting with socs, not about school and mundane classes day after day. It's all about this… this flying into the night. I started speeding up, and glanced in the mirror if Maryanne was ok with that. She seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I smiled to myself, and once again I couldn't believe I've had the same class with this girl for 3 whole years and never got to know her before. I started going even faster, and she only leaned closer to me, and didn't say anything. We were passing street lights and window-glasses and all the houses in the night light looked so different, nicer.

I didn't lie to Darry, I had my watch on, but I sure didn't notice how time passed. I don't know how long we were riding around for. "You want to go to Axis?" I asked. "You got a fake id right?"

"Who doesn't'?"

The Axis is this club type of place in one of the more or less decent middle class areas. The thing about it is that it is pretty expensive. But that's the only place I'd take Maryanne to. I cant' take her to some cheesy place like the ones the gang hangs out at sometimes when we are on our own.

We heard loud music as we approached the place. When we walked in, I felt kind of nervous. I mean, I have a fake id and everything, but I don't' use it that often. Last time I used it was a while ago, when Two Bit took me downtown. Shit, that seems like a million years ago, but really it was only last summer.

We got a table. It was a good place. I don't' care that it's more expensive. It's all worth it. There was actually a decent band playing. The place overall was cozy. It was really dark and only deemed lights in each of the corners, and each table had a tiny candle in the center. I caught Maryanne looking at me intensely.

"What?"

"You are not gonna run out on me this time are you?" She teased, " 'cause I don't think I can walk all the way back from here."

I started to say something, but I just about drowned in her huge brown eyes.

"No," I said, putting my palm on the top of her hand on the table, "I am not going to run off on you." The waiter came up then, and we ordered.

After a while the place started to get pretty packed. A different band came on, and people were dancing. The crowed sure was different than what I am used to. I mean people didn't look like thugs, and most of them had all their teeth in place. It wasn't a fancy place though. I don't like those ones that are too fancy. I don't' know, it was just cozy and still simple, but not cheap, not dirty.

Later on I went outside for a sec. to check on the bike, and when I came back, some guy was talking to Maryanne. Asking her for a dance, actually. I froze for a second, waiting what she is going to say to him.

"I would," she said to the guy, "but I'm here with my boyf… my … my… Pony." We both realized at the same time how what she just said must've sounded to a stranger, and started laughing. The guy stared at Maryanne like she was completely insane, "oh, I'll be right back," he said and disappeared.

"You … want to dance or something?" I asked. We went to the dance floor.

"You can say boyfriend," I said to Maryanne, laughing, as we were dancing. She only gave me one of her most playful smiles in response. I'm no great dancer or anything, but I've got some moves. Picked 'em up form Two Bit, when he took me with him a couple of times, and from Soda. Mostly Soda. Maryanne is a really great dancer though. So even though I can dance and all, next to her I just felt like this was my first time on the dance floor. Later on they put on the slow dance stuff. As we were dancing, I couldn't help it and leaned forward and kissed her.

We came out around 1 a.m. Before I knew what I was doing, I picked Maryanne up, and was just holding her in my arms. She kept laughing and pretended to struggle, but I could tell she liked it. I carried her back to the bike. I really didn't want to go home.

"Maryanne?" I whispered into her ear.

"What?"

"I don't know," I whispered, kissing her. I totally would have stayed out for the rest of the night, but I didn't want to push it with her brother. So, we started for home. She was sitting behind me, her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed. I felt her hair move back and forth with the wind and touch my neck and shoulders. Suddenly she kissed me on the neck so… gently. I felt burning inside when her lips touched my skin. Then she kissed me one more time, and again. God, I didn't want to go home.

After dropping Maryanne off, I quickly stopped by Two Bit's and parked the bike by his front porch. It's good that Two Bit lives so close by.

When I walked in, it was dark in the house and I sighed in relief thinking that both Soda and Darry were asleep. But to my disappointment, only Soda was asleep. I spotted Darry sitting on the couch in complete darkness, napping. He jerked up when he heard my steps, as I walked trying to pass by him.

"Pony…" he wasn't yelling, but his voice sounded powerful and pretty angry.

"Yeah?"

He got up and turned the lights on.

"You know, you really didn't have to stay up and wait up for me," I said

He didn't reply to that. Just came closer to me and kind of studied me with his eyes, - "Are you … drunk?" he asked in that tone of voice that they probably use to talk to criminals at the police station.

"Yeah, sure – _intoxicated_," I said sarcastically. I couldn't help it. I've sworn to myself a million times that when Darry starts bugging me, I would just shut up, and not pay any attention to it. But I couldn't help it this time. I mean what's with this. First he thinks I'm crazy, then he believes Matt's stupid suspicions about me and Maryanne, and now he thinks I'm a drunk.

Darry looked angrily at me for another minute, and then to my complete surprise, he started laughing. He tried to hold it too, but he couldn't help it and just kept laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked confused by his sudden change of mood.

"You are growing up, that's what," he said messing my hair up. "C'mon wash up and go to bed already."

"You are not mad then?"

"It's not like I never had a girlfriend, you know." He said, and then he sighed heavily. "But don't even think of pulling something like this on a school night." He added a second later.

"Ok, ok" I mumbled on my way to the bathroom.

I went to bed, but needless to say I couldn't fall asleep. I was about to take the sleeping pill that Carol had given me, but instead of doing that, I just decided to open the window and let some fresh air in to calm me down. As I was opening the window, I stuck my head out and looked up. Damn, these stars, this sky, I mean it's beautiful.

Suddenly, I heard someone's steps behind my back. I turned around – Soda was standing in the doorway.

"Is everything ok?" he asked worriedly, "I heard you guys talking, and just wanted to check on you. Is Darry on your back again?"

"Naw, well he was, kind of, but I think it's ok now."

"All right then," he replied, turning around to go back to his room. Then he stopped, hesitated for a moment and asked, "so how was it?"

I wanted to tell him right then, how awesome Maryanne was, but then I felt guilty after what happened with him and Sandy.

"Hey, you are still seeing that girl, Evie's friend?" I asked.

He came back into my room, and set down on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah," he said, "we went out a few more times. She seems ok, but I don't want to jump to anything just yet."

"I get it." I said.

"So this girl, Maryanne, how is she?" he asked again.

"She seems ok too," I shrugged. I didn't feel like I could tell him more. We talked for a while more, and then Soda went back to his room. I'd say this was our first real talk since the whole thing with Bob and the whole mess happened. We used to talk a lot before that, but then we were just kind of growing apart. I realized that I've missed these talks. I've missed Soda.

I still couldn't fall asleep. I kept lying in bed thinking about all kinds of stuff. Figured it was no use to take the sleeping pill now, 'cause it was like 4 in the morning already. If I took it now, I'd sleep the whole day next day, and that's not what I had in mind for that day. So I just kept lying in bed and thinking. First about Soda and Sandy, and that I really wish he has better luck with this new girl. Then about Darry, and how he sighed heavily when he was saying that he used to have a girl too. He is so busy now, and he has us to take care of. He has no time for going out or having a girlfriend. I can't wait to graduate, and go to college and maybe get a part time job or something so that I'm not a burden for Darry anymore. He deserves better. These were the kinds of thoughts that were passing through my mind.

And then there was something else. Something that was nagging me, but I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. This nagging feeling of guilt. Like I was supposed to do something, to take care of something, and I didn't do it. Like I let someone down. Like I'm not supposed to be just all happy about Maryanne, and I'm not supposed to enjoy myself this much, until I take care of it. I tried to ignore this feeling, but it persisted. Then suddenly I realized what this feeling was about. It was about Johnny. Of course it was about Johnny. What else could it be about? I was supposed to take care of that. I was supposed to convince him to come back, and I got carried away, and I totally ignored it. I guess he was still at the cemetery, while I was having so much fun with Maryanne, and when I was riding bikes and dancing dances. He was at the cold cemetery all by himself, not knowing if he is going to have food tomorrow. I haven't even visited him, even though I promised to. But then it's not my fault that he is so stubborn and he doesn't want to come back. I mean it's not like I didn't offer him to come back and live with us. Shoot, and he sure didn't feel guilty when we were all going crazy thinking that he was dead. He sure didn't think it was hard on us. I convinced myself that I shouldn't feel guilty, and it's not my fault. Johnny is almost 17, and he made a choice to stay there, and that was his choice and not my fault.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N Ok here is another chapter. There is one main thing that happens in this chapter that will be important later on. Other than that it's kind of a transitional chapter. I wanted to write out the characters personalities a little bit. Greasertwin and Die an Outsider thanks for the reviews guys. Die an Outsider I will take you up on your promise. From now on I am expecting a review from you for every chapter. Just kidding:) You don't have to. By the way I totally love your screen name:)

I ended up getting almost no sleep. Just napped a little around 7 or 8 in the morning. When I got up, all I wanted to do is call Maryanne, to talk to her, maybe spend the entire weekend with her, but I didn't want her to get tired of me or something, didn't want her to feel like I'm bugging her. After about 15 minutes I dialed the number.

"Hello?" it was Maryanne.

"Hi, just wanted to say hi."

"You just did," she laughed.

"So, what are you up to today?"

"Don't know. Have you had breakfast yet? I'm making pancakes."

Oh, no that sounded too good, "you mean…?"

"Yeah, come over. I'm bored."

"Ok, see you"

"Hey Darry, I got to go." That's all I said, putting my sneakers on and grabbing my jacket on my way out.

"You haven't had breakfast yet," he yelled back.

"I'll grab something on the way," I lied and left. In 5 minutes I was by Maryanne's place. She opened the door and let me inside. This was the first time I actually been inside of this house. It was as neat inside as it was outside, but you could tell they weren't very rich.

Maryanne's mother came out from one of the rooms. "Hello," she said.

"Mom, this is Ponyboy, this is my mother," Maryanne said with a smile.

"Well, nice to meet you," her mom offered, but I caught some unfriendliness or even fear in her eyes.

"Are you going somewhere?" she said to Maryanne, "I thought you were having breakfast."

"No, ma I'm not leaving. Ponyboy is gonna have breakfast with us."

"Oh, ok then," - she left. Maryanne led me to the kitchen. On my way there, I grabbed her hand and just pulled her towards me kissing her. She blushed a little, and smiled, kissing me back.

Matt came in soon. "Hi there," he nodded, and I nodded back. It was a little awkward with Matt being there and all. I mean he wasn't giving me a hard time or anything anymore, but it still felt weird. "You want to catch a movie?" I asked Maryanne after we finished eating.

"Isn't it a little too early?"

"Yeah, well we can go to the park or something and then go to the movies later."

"Ok."

I was waiting in the living room, while Maryanne was getting ready. The TV was on, but I wasn't really watching. I was just sitting looking around, studying the room. Looking at the pictures. Some of them had Maryanne when she was little. Some even had her dad. Then I noticed a small pocketbook on the floor. Right next to one of the chairs. It looked like it fell out of someone's pocket and they didn't notice. I just wanted to pick it up and put it on the table, and then ask Maryanne if it's hers or maybe her mom's. But when I picked it up, I accidentally opened it, and something in it caught my attention. It was all these songs or poems. It was written in a very sloppy handwriting so it couldn't be Maryanne's. Must be Matt's then. What is he a big shot writer now? I put the pocketbook on the table, but I was curious. I am into writing myself even though I don't write poetry. I knew I shouldn't, but I grabbed it and read through a few pages:

_I want to feel, I want to stay_

_But I don't' know if that'd be ok_

_And I don't know if things are well_

_I wish it all just goes to hell_

_And I don't' feel anything at all_

_My veins are ice and my heart's like a wall_

_And I don't know for how long_

_I'll still be here 'cause I don't belong_

_------------------------------------------_

_It wasn't far it wasn't close_

_It wasn't fast it wasn't slow_

_It wasn't fog it wasn't rain_

_But sure it was not my day_

_I saw the road, started walking_

_And as I walked my mind was working_

_My thoughts were clear, but they were plain_

_Somehow all I felt was pain_

_I thought the road lead somewhere_

_I tried to get there - I swear!_

_I walked and I did not complain_

_But it was just somebody's game_

_A game? I gave it a blank stare_

_And no one is playing fair_

_A game? I guess it goes that way_

_And then? And then I had to stay_

_It was too late to turn around_

_I walked too far to go back down_

_Caught in a trap, what can I say?_

_I have no one, but myself to blame_

_And now I know what it's all about_

_But even so I can't get out_

_I have to be here, every day_

_I'm part of the game – I have to play_

_-------------------------------------_

_And if one day you see me falling_

_Don't stretch your hand to me_

_Just let me fall it is my calling_

_That's how it's meant to be_

_I tell you save your good intentions _

_For some much better cause_

_I sure need no intervention_

_Just let me, let me fall_

_I really feel that you really care_

_I feel it to the bone_

_But you really shouldn't help, I swear _

_Just let it all alone_

_Just turn away and let things go_

_To their natural end_

_It sounds strange - I know, I know_

_But let me fall my friend_

Some strange stuff, but kind of neat. I would never expect that from someone like Matt. But then I didn't expect that Johnny would understand that poem, _Stay Gold_ better than me, and he sure did. Johnny, I thought, why does he have to be so stubborn?

Maryanne came out, interrupting my thoughts. I closed the pocketbook and almost threw it on the table, before she could notice.

We ended up walking to the river shore rather than the park. It was around noon, and the rays of light were reflected in the water, giving it yellowish- gold hue. It was hot for the end of November, but then maybe it was just me standing next to Maryanne. And the sky was this clear baby blue color and not a single cloud. "Sky is the limit," I remembered the old cliché. Is it really? Is it the limit? Can we do whatever we want in this life if we really put our mind to it?

Maryanne was also staring at the sky. "It's beautiful," she said, "makes you want to get out there."

"Where? To the sky?" I laughed, but I knew what she meant. I just felt like teasing her a little bit. We sat down on the grass. I looked at Maryanne, and I promised myself that one of these days I'll dig out our old camera and I'll take pictures of Maryanne. Lot's of pictures. Portraits, yeah, especially portraits. I was lying down, my head on her lap, and staring up into her eyes. Yeah, pictures of, of these eyes…"You are so pretty," I whispered, leaning up on my elbows and kissing her.

Time sure passed fast when I was around Maryanne. Spending time with her was so… different than being with the gang. I mean I like to hang out with the guys and play football and all this other stuff, but this is like completely different part of life.

"Hey, Pony, I have to tell you something," Maryanne said when we came out of the movie theater. "Promise you are not going to get mad."

I stared at her in confusion – "Ok?"

"I did something. I send your essay away."

"You did what? What do you mean away?"

"Your essay that you wrote for English and you let me keep it – well, there is this contest I saw it in the paper. It's for a $25,000 scholarship for college. If you win you get this scholarship plus a publishing contract. It's by some New York publishing house or something."

I was processing what I just heard, and, in spite of myself, I was kind of mad.

"What's the point?" I snapped. "Writing about this stuff and reading about this stuff doesn't' change anything. I mean my English teacher read it, but things are the same as they were before. It's like my brother says, this is just the way things are. And I don't think these big shots from New York would care about stuff like that anyway."

She looked at me with such an expression of guilt on her face.

"I don't know," she said, "I just thought it was worth a shot. I really liked your essay," she added. "I mean I heard all too much about this tension between the West and East side from Matt and all, but after I read your paper I kind of thought maybe things could be different one day. I am sorry," she added quietly.

I regretted that I snapped at her, "Shoot, nothing to be sorry for, it's not like it's going to win anyways," I said, pulling her closer to myself and putting my hand on her shoulder, hugging her.

We ended up spending the rest of the day together. And the next day too. Went to the park, caught another movie, went to the town fair, where I ended up spending the rest of my allowance, buying her stuff. She kept laughing and saying that I didn't have to, but I know I did. The one thing that she really liked though was this little silver necklace with a little heart shaped locket. That was the only thing that she didn't protest taking when I gave it to her. She tried to act all casual and all, like it's no big deal, but I could tell she really liked it a lot.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Ok I'm uupdating again. This is a short one. It used to be 2 separate chapters, but since I was asked to hurry up with stuff about Johnny, I took a lot of stuff out, and combined it in 1.

Greasertwin thanks so much for review and for all your emails.

Die an Outsider thanks a lot for your email. As far as those Matt's poems. No, I didn't write them just for this:) Usually after I listen to a lot of music I have all kinds of rhymes pop into my head:) So, I was listening to red hot chili peppers and then later came up with these poems. And then I was like oh, that sounds like something Matt would say:)

Laughing, thank you so much for the review. It really means a lot. I'm really happy you like how Maryanne and Pony are working out. I tried hard to get it to work:)

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

When I came home I noticed Two Bit's new bike parked by our porch, and when I walked in, the whole gang was at our house. Even Jesse. They were all arguing about something, and didn't even notice me at first. Two Bit was really yelling and gesturing with his hands. That's new I thought. Two Bit is usually a "go with the flow" kind of guy. He doesn't argue that much. He doesn't care. He makes his wise ass remarks, but that's about it. I mean they were caught in the argument like it wasn't 12 a.m. and no one had to go to work the next day. Steve seemed especially worked up. "I think its better this way, Darry," he yelled to my older brother, "right Soda?"

"What's going on?" I asked and they finally noticed me.

"Hi Pony," Two Bit said. "I am going to race Jimmy Graham next weekend."

"You what?"

"I'm going to show this jerk who can race who," He replied, and then added a string of curses after Jimmy's name.

Just then I remembered how a few weeks ago when we were going to the races, we ran into Jimmy and his friends. And how they teased us, 'cause we couldn't race them in Two Bit's old car. I have forgotten all about it by now. I felt weird. I mean, I hated Jimmy, especially after the way he acted with Maryanne, but I still thought that this race wouldn't resolve anything. I wanted to say that, but I knew it was useless.

"Do you know if he has a bike?" I asked, hoping that the answer was no.

"Do you think I'd be sayin' that I'm goin' to race him if he didn't have one?" Two-Bit snapped. I didn't say anything, and they resumed the screaming. Apparently Darry was against it, but everyone else pretty much thought it was a good idea. So they decided to go for it. Two Bit was supposed to let Jimmy and his friends know in school the next day.

It was getting late, but no one was going home yet. They grabbed bears and were watching TV. Then Two Bit and Steve started wrestling around. Then they got me involved in it too. Steve jumped at me from behind and twisted both of my arms behind my back. I screamed 'cause I didn't expect it. "Hey, hey," Two Bit smirked, "that's child abuse."

"_Child abuse, child abuse, child abuse_," echoed in my head. I freed myself from Steve's "embrace" and rushed to my room.

"C'omon, I was only playing, Pony," I heard Steve's voice behind me, and then Darry's angry voice "you got to think _before_ you do something." Just like what he says to me I thought and smiled.

It wasn't Steve that made me leave the room though. It was Two Bit's comment. It made me think of something. "_Some_ _of my patients are little kids, I mostly deal with_ **_child abuse_**" This is what Carol told me the very first day I met her. It's perfect. Why didn't I think of this before? I'll ask Carol. Yes, I'll ask Carol. I found Carol's card, which had her home number written on the back of it. We got to be on very casual terms with Carol by now. Partly because she was kind of Darry's age, and partly just because. I don't know why. Because she wasn't a fake. Like if she said she cared, she really did.

It was somewhat late for a phone call even if we were on casual terms and all, but I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I was too anxious for waiting.

"Hello?" I heard Carol's voice on the other end of the line.

"Hi Carol, it's Ponyboy."

"Ponyboy is everything all right? What's wrong?"

"No, no nothing is wrong. I'm ok. Sorry for calling this late. Do you have free appointment time tomorrow maybe around 3 or so? I have to talk to you about something."

"Come in any time, I'll make sure to find the time for you. Are you sure everything is ok _now_?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Ok, then. Well…" she paused for a second, "say hi to Darry, byyye."

"_Say hi to Darry?"_ I thought. That's interesting…


	14. Chapter 14

A/N Ok here is another update. Took me a little longer this time. Thanks for your reviews guys. I am putting up 2 chapters again:)They kind of go together and chapter 14 doesn't have that much on its own. So, I'm putting 14 and 15 together. Hope you like:)

Whispers of a Fallen Angel it's nice to hear from you again. Thanks for reviewing every chapter. Yeah, I am planning quite a few events for them:)

Laughing thanks for review! The child abuse thing gets clear in the next 2 chapters

Die an Outsider I see you decided to stick to your promise:) Thanks for the review!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

I went to Carol's straight from school. The whole thing was really bugging me and I wanted to get the answers as soon as possible. Carol had a client and I had to wait for about 10 minutes. That was torture. Finally she came out letting me in.

"Hi Ponyboy what's going on?" She sounded really concerned.

"Hi. I don't want you to think that something is wrong with me." I exhaled, sitting down in that really soft, nice arm chair that she had in her office. "I'm doing much better. It's just I wanted to ask you something."

I didn't even know how to start. I didn't think it all the way through yet.

"Yes?" Carol said expectantly.

"You said you mostly deal with child abuse and stuff like that right?" I started.

"Right… Pony, Darry isn't…?"

"No, no it's not Darry," I replied feeling my pulse rise just from a thought what it would be like if Darry was the same way Johnny's parents are. "I told you it has nothing to do with me. It's someone … it's someone I know."

"Someone in your neighborhood?"

"Yes." I wasn't sure where I was going with this. It was harder than I thought it would be.

"In your school?" Carol asked again.

"Yes…in my school. I can't tell you who it is, but I just wanted to ask you. I mean… what happens if the parents are really abusive? Like if they really put their child through beatings, and I don't mean just a slap here and there, but like really bad stuff. And they don't care at all. They don't even leave food in the house for him when they are gone. They don't notice if he doesn't come home for days and when he does they say that they wished he didn't? What if he always has burses and scratches, and he's always nervous, 'cause he thinks someone is going to take a swing at him?"

Carol's eyes were getting wider and wider as I spoke.

"Sounds like an extreme case." She finally said after a long silence. "I understand that you don't want to put your friend on the spot, but this is really serious. If this is what is going on at his house, he needs to get help."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I made it all sound like I didn't want to tell her who the person was, but the truth was I was dieing to tell her. It's just she wouldn't believe me. There is no way she'd believe me. And I also wanted to just find out what the rules are when it comes to this whole child abuse thing and how it all works, before dragging Johnny into all this. He's been through a lot already and I'd hate to hurt him by putting him to some ridiculous foster parents that are as bad as his real parents.

"I know he needs help," I finally said. "So maybe I can convince him to get it if I can tell him all the information. Like what happens, and how this whole foster care thing works. So can you just tell me how it works... please?" I was desperate.

"Well, it depends," Carol said slowly. She was visibly upset. "If it can be shown that the parents are really abusive, the parental rights are taken away and the child has to go to foster care. But most of the time the case is not clear cut. Either it cant' be shown that there is abuse. Or the kids are afraid to testify. Or something else. There is always something. And a lot of times they still want to stay with their parents in spite of abuse.

They still care that it's their parents you know." She paused. Tell me about it, I thought. Johnny still wanted his parents to care about him after all they've done. He still wanted them to be the real parents. The gang couldn't replace them.

"And these foster parents are they usually good?" I asked. "I mean does it work out and everything? Who decides who the foster parents are going to be? Can the person choose his own foster parents himself?" I was firing question after question not even waiting for her to reply. It was just like all these questions just accumulated in my chest and now they were all coming out, and there was no way I could stop it or control it or at least slow it down.

"I'm not going to lie to you. Sometimes they are in it for the wrong reasons," Carol said. "They want the money that the state provides to care for their foster children or sometimes they have problems themselves like alcohol and stuff. I mean we screen all the candidates, but some people are really good at concealing their flaws. You understand?"

I nodded.

"But if a person has a close friend or someone he likes, can he choose that person to be his foster parent?"

"Usually not. The foster parents are assigned by the state. But if this person applies, he might get picked. Also if this close friend is willing to go for adoption, it may work out. The child would have to go to foster care first, while all the documents for adoption are taken care of. Then the state runs a background check on the adopting person, and once it's cleared, the child is transferred from the foster parents to his adopting parents."

"That sure is a lot of rules," I said disappointed. The whole thing was starting to irritate me. It seemed like it would take forever to go through this application process and then there is no guarantee that we'd be approved.

"Yep, it's a lot of rules, and a lot of paperwork." Carol said absent-mindedly. She was staring somewhere into one point in space right behind me. "A lot of stupid rules and stupid papers," she added shaking her head.

"What if the parents don't' want to give up their child?" I doubted that it would be the case with Johnny's parents, but they might not want to give up their parental rights just out of spite.

"Then it's extremely complicated. You have to go to trial and everything. I mean even if it is shown that there is abuse, parental rights are taken away only _temporarily_. If the parents show improvement, their rights are given back to them. You know what the sad thing is? I've seen quite a few parents that improved their ways just so they could get their parental rights back just so they can do it to the kid all over again," she sighed.

"And what about the child? Can't he refuse to go back to them if he doesn't want to?"

"Nope, as long as one is a minor, he has to stay under the guidance of his parents, unless again it can be proven that the parents are unfit."

"Ponyboy," Carol said pleadingly, "can I just ask you. This friend of yours, how old is he? He's in High School right? Is he close to 18 or is he your age? Can you just tell me, just this much, please?"

"He's almost 17" I said, wishing I could just tell her the whole thing already.

"Maybe you can convince him to get help. We can help him you know. If he's 17, he's got only one more year. Once he turns 18 he is free."

"Sure," I said while my mind was already on something else…I finally figured out how I wanted to go about letting Carol know the truth.

"I wanted to ask you of one more thing," I said after a short pause. "It's just… Darry can't know about it ok? Can you please… come to the cemetery with me? To… Dally's grave. I hate to do it alone, I'm afraid I'm going to lose control again, like last time when you found me unconscious," I lied, "but I kind of don't want Darry to know. Sorry if it's too much to ask."

She was certainly surprised or even shocked by this request, but she tried not to show it. "Sure, Ponyboy she said. I'll go with you. When do you want to go?"

"I don't know, um, maybe next Friday?"

She gave me a concerned look – "OK"

The whole week I was going to the library after school to read up on this whole child abuse thing. I lied to Two Bit that I needed to read up on some stuff for my History project so he'd leave me alone. I tried to find out as much information as possible, but that's the thing - there wasn't much on it at all. Everything pretty much came down to exactly what Carol had told me. Then I found this one Law book, and it had different cases and trials that took place in the last 5 years that had to do with child abuse or taking away parental rights. At first I was just flipping through the pages to see if there is any new information, but then I started reading through the cases.

God, there were all these people that did really horrible, nasty things to their kids. Why? That was beyond me. Why would anyone do something like that? I mean there were things that I could've never imagined even existed that these people did to their kids. Like locked them in the basement with no food, or not just beat them, but sexually abuse them too. Why? Why on earth would anyone do that? After reading through several cases, I felt physically sick. I mean we all knew that Johnny's parents were beating him, but he didn't talk much about it. I mean it's not like he gave us a description how his old man is belting him and stuff. But reading through these pages made it very descriptive for me. I mean it had the testimonies of some kids, and yes they would describe every little detail of what was going on. It was _very _descriptive, _way too_ descriptive.

Now I began to fully understand why Johnny didn't want to come back. He didn't want to take even the slightest chance of having to deal with this stuff again. I remembered him saying one night when we were at the lot "I can't take this anymore, I'll kill myself or something." Back then I thought he was overreacting, but now I know why he was saying that.

Johnny is almost 17, I thought. So maybe he made the right decision then? Maybe he just got to live the way he's living now until he is 18, and then just go on his own. But no, no that would never work. I mean where would he go then? He doesn't' have a house, he doesn't have money. If he doesn't complete High School, he won't even be able to get a job. And his injury would prevent him from doing any kind of physical work, the type that may not require a High School Diploma. No, there is no way around it. Johnnycake needs to come back, and that's the end of it. He didn't survive the fire to live like a freaking homeless bum on the cemetery. He saved my life back then in the park when socs were drowning me, and now I'm not going to let him throw his life away.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N I hope you like this chapter and there is just something I want to tell you people. Please don't smoke. I know in this book and in my story everyone smokes and it's pretty cool. But the cigarettes really do screw up your lungs. I lost a really great friend to lung cancer, and that made me stop with the cigarettes. So in my story I let everyone smoke, 'cause I can pretend it's not harmful. But in reality it really, really is. So, I just don't want this story to get anyone hooked onto cigarettes 'cause all the characters smoke:)

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

On Friday I told Darry I was going to Carol's as usual, not mentioning anything about going to the cemetery with Carol. I was hoping that Johnny would be there. I mean he could be out getting food or something.

I packed a few sandwiches (no baloney), a few apples, some bananas and 2 bottles of water into my bag, when Darry wasn't looking. I hesitated for a minute then cut a piece of chocolate cake that was in the fridge, wrapped it neatly in foil and packed it in my bag too.

On my way to Carol's I wondered how the gang would react to Johnny coming back. Would they be mad at him? Would they be mad at me for knowing it for this long and not telling them?

Carol was already in the hallway when I walked in. She was holding her car keys in her hand. "Hi," she nodded, motioning for me to follow her to the parking lot. I was all prepared to walk over there, but I guess it makes more sense to drive. I got in the car. She seemed especially quiet today. I think she felt a little awkward doing this. She was wearing jeans and somewhat baggy green sweater. That made her look so different than the way I usually see her in the office when she wears less casual stuff.

"Thanks for doing this," I said after she started the car.

"No problem…" – more silence.

"I only asked you because … because I can trust you, you know. Like if I tell you something no one else is supposed to know you tell no one right?"

"What are you talking about Pony?" she asked tiredly.

"Right?"

"Right," - she gave me a puzzled look.

We got there, and parked the car in the parking spot. Oh God, here it comes, I thought. My heart started pounding. For a second I felt like maybe I just made it all up. Or maybe I dreamed it. Maybe Johnny isn't alive after all. I wasn't ready to see Johnny. I thought I was, but I really wasn't.

"Are we just going to stand here?" Carol asked.

"Sorry."

She was staring at my bulging bag, but she didn't even bother to ask.

I started walking towards the grave and Carol followed me. When we almost reached it, I turned around to Carol and asked if she would mind waiting for me next to one of the other graves, while I am going to Dally's grave alone. This other grave was somewhat on a hill, and she would be able to see Dal's grave clearly. She agreed thinking I wanted to be alone with my friend. "If you start feeling funny or something just give me a holler, ok?" she said.

I nodded.

I started to walk slowly, my feet kind of refused to go ahead. And it wasn't just Johnny. I mean I was partly telling Carol the truth. This was Dal's grave, and in spite of myself, I started remembering Dallas. The way he was fearless and somewhat mean, but only on the outside. Gallant the way Johnny put it. And where is he now? Shoot, I can't, I can't do anything for Dallas now, but I can for Johnny and he better follow along, I thought, and started walking faster.

When I came up, Johnny was sleeping, curled up on the ground, his hat moved all the way down his face.

"Johnny, johnnycakes," I shook him by the shoulder slightly.

"Huh?" He opened his eyes and stared at me for a second, still not completely awake. "Hi man," he said then, sitting up, taking the hat off.

"Hi… so… how you've been?"

"Fine," he said quietly, looking down at his shoes.

He looked even skinnier than the last time I saw him. All of the sudden he wrapped his hands around his stomach and cringed in pain.

"What's the matter?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just must've ate something, my stomach is killing me since yesterday."

"Here, I brought you some food," I said hastily opening the bag and hoping he is not going to refuse to take the food. I didn't really know what to expect from him anymore after he said he didn't want to be just one more mouth for Darry to feed. He took out a sandwich and looked at it suspiciously.

"No baloney," I said. He smiled. For the first time in a long time. Then he started swallowing sandwich after sandwich like he hasn't eaten in days.

"You got some water or something in there?" he asked thru mouthful of food. I passed him the water. He looked beat – huge bags under his eyes and everything.

"So… how is everything over there?" he asked hesitantly after he finished his 3rd sandwich.

"As usual, socs are in our face as always, but they are a bit scared since the last time we chased them out of our territory. Two Bit is going to race Jimmy Graham."

"Race?"

"Yeah, Two Bit's mom took his dad to court for child support, and instead of cash they got the bike. We all miss you Johnny."

He frowned when I said that.

"If you came here to bug me about coming back again," he said in an annoyed tone of voice, "you are wasting your time."

"And if you want to be stupid and throw your life away," I snapped, "then be my guest. Is that what you survived the fire for so that you can be a stupid homeless bum? It's almost December, it's going to get much colder soon. What are you going to do then?"

He was taken aback by that, so I continued, "Do you think Dally would be proud of you right now, or those kids that you saved - do you think they'd want you to be like this?"

He was still silent.

"Is that why you wrote in that letter to me not to be bugged by being a greaser 'cause there is still time to become whoever I want?"

"I meant for _you_, but not for _me,"_ he said quietly, so that I could hardly hear him.

"What?" I was confused.

"_You_ can become whoever _you_ want, but not _me_. Maybe… I was supposed to die, that day. Maybe it was just an accident."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, had he completely lost his mind. I got up and started pacing back and forth. "Well if you were supposed to die," I yelled, "then why don't you just get some glass and slash your wrists or something, that'll straighten it all out." I got scared the moment I finished that sentence. He might actually do that, I thought in panic, in the state of mind that he is right now. He might do just that.

"Johnny," I said softly, sitting down next to him. "You weren't supposed to die. Do you know how heart broken we were to lose you? You know I was going crazy, they almost sent me to the psychiatrist. I was in such a bad shape that I passed out on the street once, and was lying there 'til midnight, until they found me and brought me home. And I couldn't sleep. I woke up every night thinking of you and Dally. I … I still do."

He was staring at me wide-eyed.

"Please," I begged, "I found out all this stuff about adoption and foster care"

"No," he interrupted not even letting me finish. "I am sorry I put you through all of this and everything, but I am not going back. I can stay here. Or at least until I am 18."

"Then what?" I asked. "You can't get a decent paying job without a high school diploma."

"I'll get GED or something," he replied bitterly.

I was really surprised by his stubbornness. It's kind of funny, even a little creepy, but he reminded me of Dally a little bit, this way. It's like he changed. He was a bit harder and not so scared anymore. There was this new strength in him now. I just wish he used it for coming back and facing his parents and not for arguing with me.

"Yeah? and where are you going to live while you are getting GED, here? And there are application fees to take the GED, where are you gonna get the money huh? And how you are gonna pass the GED if you didn't take any courses?" I was trying to corner him, and it was starting to work. "C'mon Johnny this doesn't make sense," I said exhausted, "to wait almost two years so you could get a GED, when you can just graduate from High School." He was silent.

"Think about it, ok… Please?"

He nodded, not looking at me.

When I was ready to leave, he said, "Pony…"

"What?"

"Just tell me that stuff that you said about getting foster parents and all."

I sat down again, mentally doing a happy dance, and told him everything that I got from Carol and from reading up on this stuff. I left out the complicated details. No need to make it sound too much of a big deal for him.

I could see that talking about the gang, and all, and Two Bit racing that soc made him miss home. Well, not his actual home, but just being one of the gang.

"How is Darry?" he asked.

"We get along much better. He misses you too, you know."

There was uncomfortable silence, he promised to think about it, and then I left, leaving the chocolate cake still wrapped in foil next to him on the ground.

I started walking back to where Carol was waiting. I almost forgot about her, I got so caught up in talking to Johnny. When I got to the spot, where she was, she was shaking. She was going to say something when she saw me, but I motioned for her to be quiet, grabbed her hand and led her out of the cemetery to the parking spot. We got in the car, but she was in no condition to drive.

"Was that…?" That's all she was able to say after we sat in the car for quite some time so she could calm down.

"Yep"

She was just looking at me, questioning me with her eyes.

"What kind of shit are you trying to pull? You mean all this time he wasn't … dead, and you, you were just playing me? Acting all broken, because of your friend's death and passing out on the street, and not being able to eat. All that? Pony?"

"No, Carol, wait, calm down I didn't know myself, I swear," I yelled. "He didn't tell anyone... not even me... he went to a coma, the doc told us he died... I mean we saw him die… oh, I don't know how to explain. He came out of the coma and got out of the hospital. Didn't tell anyone, not even me."

I stopped to catch my breath and continued, "He was hiding out here all this time. He didn't want to come back 'cause his parents are beating him and shit, and he got fed up with it. They've been like this all his life. That would make almost 17 years of being beat up and bruised up, and messed up. All that stuff I was telling you the other day in your office. It's about him, about Johnny."

She started to calm down a little more, but she still couldn't put all the pieces together. I don't blame her.

"Ok, ok Pony I'm sorry I yelled at you," she said, taking my hand. "It's just… when I saw him there I … I didn't know _what _to think…I mean I saw his picture in the papers, so I recognized him right away…"

"I know. I didn't know what to think either, when I found out."

"How did you actually find out?"

"It was an accident. I mean if I didn't go to that diner that day, I would still think that Johnny is dead. Anyway, I went to this diner with my girlfriend. And we were just sitting there talking, then some homeless kid walks in right? He was wearing a hat too, covering his face and everything. 'Xept he tripped over something and fell, and I saw his face. Carol, at that moment I thought that all these people that had been telling me that I gone crazy. I thought they were right."

She smiled, squeezing my hand tighter in her palm. "I can't believe this…but why…why didn't you tell Darry or someone?"

"Johnny begged me not to tell anyone, and I just wanted some time, thought maybe I could still convince him to come back. Plus no one would believe me anyway, right? I mean once I kind of told Darry by accident. It just came out. You know what he said?"

"What?"

"He said he'd send me to the psychiatric clinic or something. That's why I figured I'd just bring you here so you can see for yourself 'cause you probably wouldn't believe me either. I mean honestly if I told you that Johnny Cade is alive would you believe me?"

"No," she shook her head.

"See."

She smiled – "you little wiseass…"

Then her face got serious again, even sad. "So he's the one that gets beat up?"

"Yeah, its pretty disgusting. His dad gets drunk a lot and…you know, and even when he is sober."

I felt Carol's hand started to shake again inside my palm. I looked up at her, and she turned away quickly, sticking her head out of the car window. There were tears in her eyes."

"Ok," she said, her voice quivering slightly, "it's really late now and you got to get home. Come to the office tomorrow and we can talk about it. I can't even think straight right now to tell you the truth. So come in tomorrow ok?"

"You work on Saturdays?

"Oh, shit tomorrow is Saturday. Ok come over to my house it's just a few blocks from the office. Grand Street. 69-18. Just walk 3 blocks passed my office building and then turn left. You cant' miss it."

"Ok," I stretched out in my seat. I suddenly felt exhausted.

"I guess Darry would believe _me_ if _I _tell him about Johnny," she said smiling as we were driving. "Or maybe he'll tell me to get to the psychiatric clinic too? By the way I am not going to tell Darry if you don't want me to," she added, seeing concern in my eyes.

"I don't think we should tell him." I said, "at least not yet. I mean I … promised Johnny I wouldn't tell anyone ok? Its just you 'cause I figured you know how this stuff works and all."

"Sure she said, and I'm … I'm sorry I yelled at you."


	16. Chapter 16

I haven't updated in a while, ok in a long while:) But I just want to thank those who stayed with my story. It really does mean a lot! I have it all worked out in my head, but sitting down and actually writing it out, that's a totally different story:) And I don't want to put up crappy rushed chapters up, so that's the reason I didn't update. Anyway, on with the story.

On Saturday we were supposed to meet up in the backstreets behind our school. That's where the races were set to be. There was a huge hill there too, so Two bit thought it would add to the challenge. They set it up for 7, which I thought was a bit too late 'cause it'd get dark by then. But they said that was exactly the point. The whole gang was supposed to meet up at 5 at our place of course, where else. To get ready and everything.

I was kind of exited. I know fighting's wrong 'n all, but I can't help it. I hate Jimmy and I kind of want to see his ass get whooped. Honestly, I'm a little nervous about Two bit though. Two bit is a pretty good fighter and all, but I don't' know, this is different than a rumble. And there is another problem. He never gets by without his beer. And having a race while drunk is not going to go very well… Then again if you are always afraid of what might happen you end up never getting to do anything. You end up just sitting somewhere in the corner of your room, wasting your life. This is what I was thinking as I got up on Saturday.

My thoughts were interrupted, 'cause the guys showed up for football. I wasn't sure if they still would, but they did. I had to get out though. I had to go talk to Carol. I didn't know how to get out of football. I've never ditched them before. They sure wouldn't be happy that I'm ditching them like that. Oh, well it had to be done. I was anxious to try to figure out what to do abut Johnny. I mean really anxious. Seeing him like that last night brought all the memories back. I felt a mix of protectiveness and anger for Johnny, for his stubbornness. And something else, I don't know, like it was up to me now. Like he saved me back then, and now it's my turn to save him.

"Hey Pon, where you headin'?" Soda asked in amazement when he saw me pass by the guys, nodding a quick "hey there", and continuing to walk.

"Something I got to do, I'll tell ya all later," I offered, and kept walking before more questions could be asked.

"Where you are going?" Darry asked sternly.

"What's the big deal?" I replied, "you got enough people for two teams. I'll be back soon," I said looking him straight in the eyes, feeling like this is poker, and I have to have my best bluff face on.

"Fine," he said after hesitating a minute, and turned around to say something to Jesse.

"I bettcha he's goin' to see his girl. More important than his friends now huh," Two bit chuckled, and I glared at him.

"Make sure to be back by 4." Steve offered in a serious voice. I nodded, saying that I'd be back way before 4, and finally left. That sure wasn't too pleasant, but whatever.

I didn't remember Carol's address, but I remembered she said 3 blocks after I pass her office, and then turn to the left. So, that's what I did. There were several houses there. All quite small, but one really big, and it said 69-18. I vaguely remembered that 69-18 is what Carol said. That's weird I thought. I wouldn't think a simple social worker would live in a house like that. I came up the porch and rang the bell still not completely sure this was the right place.

But a second later Carol opened the door. "Hi Ponyboy," she said, looking like she was really happy to see me.

"Hi," I said, not able to keep surprise out of my voice.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing,... it's just ... your house is ... really... big..."

"Oh, it's my parents'." She offered with a smile that was almost shy. "It used to be much smaller, when I was growing up. My parents kept adding on to it. You know as they worked and saved up more money."

"C'mon, come inside," she smiled. Inside was modestly decorated, but it was very neat. There wasn't a lot of the furniture and that made it feel even bigger. Carol was wearing jeans and a simple black T-shirt. She always looked young, but she looked even younger this way. "What's the matter?" Carol smiled half surprised, "come on have a seat, don't just stand here. You want something to drink? Did you have breakfast yet?" I realized then that I was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. I pulled up a chair and set down, nodding that I already had breakfast.

"Ok." Carol said bringing some coffee and setting a box of cookies on the table. Then she pulled up a chair next to me, She took a bite of a cookie and then her face got serious." "I've been thinking about this the whole night." She said.

"Me too."

"What exactly did he tell you last night?"

Suddenly, i didn't feel like having coffee or cookies. I already had a cookie in my hand, but I put it back in the box. I felt nauseous. It was like one of those times back a few months ago. I got scared that I would throw up right here in the middle of the room. I felt panic and that made me feel even more nauseous. This hadn't happen in a long time, why now? I thought helplessly, as I grabbed the corner of the table. I felt the muscles of my stomach tighten, and I felt really tense all over my body.

I saw some images flash in front of my eyes: Johnny saying something, Johnny cringing in pain back at the cemetery, wrapping his hands around his stomach… I felt dizzy, "Oh shit, just don't throw up on this nice rug," I started to think, and then felt a glass of water being raised to my lips. Carol was holding me by the shoulder and telling me to have a sip of water. "Easy," she said, "have a sip." I was embarrassed to even raise my eyes to look up at her, but I took a sip of water. "Now breathe slowly, open your mouth and take a deep breath in and then out," she instructed like she knew exactly what to do. For some reason I froze and couldn't do what she said. "C'mon Pony," she said, "relax, breathe, it's ok, it's nothing, it's just at attack. Breathe, it's ok, it's ok," she kept repeating and slowly I was able to let my guard down and relax. She helped me get to the couch. I set down and leaned against the cushion. "You can smoke," she said guessing my thoughts, but I wouldn't' recommend it, 'cause you won't be able to breathe right if you do." She said it with such authority and she looked like she was totally in control. So I put the pack of cigarettes back in my pocket. It was kind of nice, that she knew what to do I mean. (A/N the descriptions of post traumatic stress disorder is taken from health sites on the internet.)

After I was able to calm down, we came out to the porch for a smoke. I told Carol that Johnny still didn't really want to come back, but I was able to convince him to at least consider it. I told Carol about that book that I came across in the library, where kids were telling about being abused and that I now get why Johnny is so against coming back. I also explained to her that I am worried he may do something stupid. Like try killing himself. He said it even before the accident with Bob, and back then I thought he was overacting, but I know better now. He also said yesterday that he thought he was supposed to die. At that Carol's eyes got really wide and she stared at me. "You really think he may do that?" she asked quite shocked.

"I dunno, it's all mixed up." I said, getting anxious again. "At the hospital when we visited he said he wanted to live. He said all that talk about suicide was nonsense. And now ... I really don't know what to make out of it..."

"Shit," Carol muttered under her breath.

"Now, how about this..." Carol said after a long silence, "that may cost me my job if anyone finds out, but whatever."

"What do you mean?"

"How about he comes here and stays here with me, the place is really big, you said it yourself. He knows I won't tell anyone 'cause if they find out at my job that a social service worker is hiding a stray kid, I'm going to lose my job and my license too.

"You'd do that for him...?" I was stunned. "You won't tell the social services though right?" I added right away. "I mean, he ain't itching to get away to no boys school or nothing. He's been thru a lot, and he doesn't need more shit in his life you know," I exhaled and continued. "I'm sorry to sound like I don't trust you, but I just got to make sure."

"Pony, you may not know me for that long, but if I said I'm not going to tell ANYONE, that means ANYONE. I have plenty of space, he'll have his own room and I'll be able to watch him so he doesn't do anything stupid. If he still doesn't want to let anyone know that he isn't… um, dead, he doesn't have to, but at least it's better than living at the cemetery and begging for food." Honestly the idea seemed really good to me; in fact it was almost perfect. I knew Carol well enough by now to say that Johnny would have it real nice with her. But I still couldn't believe that she would do that. I mean, risk her job and her license for this.

"Do you think you can convince him to do that?" Carol broke into my thoughts.

"Yes," I replied with confidence. I don't know where that confidence came from, but somehow I just knew that this was the right thing and I could convince Johnny. "But you promise not to force him to …um, come out of hiding if he doesn't want to?" I added looking Carol right in the eyes.

"I promise," she replied. "Let's just go gradually step by step. First just let him live here, and I'll be watching over him, making sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Then hopefully eventually he'll find it in him to want to stop hiding and come back."

"And what if he doesn't?"

"If he doesn't… well I'm prepared to wait until he's 18 and then he can get a GED like you said he is intending to."

"What about your parents?" I kept asking questions sure enough that there must be something, just something that would not let this work out, 'cause it was too good to be true.

"My parents live in Chicago now with my sister and her husband. I'm here all by myself. C'mon I think this can work."

"Carol…" I exhaled. I was lost for words, I almost felt like hugging her … "Thanks."


	17. Chapter 17

Ok, here is the next chapter. Hope you like:) Happy Halloween everybody, and thanks for all your reviews.

I stayed at Carol's for a little longer and started for home. She wanted to give me a ride home to make sure I'd make it OK, but I insisted on walking back. I wasn't feeling all that well, and the last thing I needed was to throw up in her car. I made it home all right though.

The guys were getting ready. Two-bit was all serious, I haven't seen him like that in awhile. Come think of it, I've never seen him this serious before. He seemed to be sober too. All the guys were standing in a circle, smoking and talking. I couldn't hear what they were saying until I came up closer. Two-bit was not standing with them. He was standing on the other side by the curb, leaning on his bike and talking to some guy, I couldn't see who it was. When I did come up closer, to my surprise, it was Matt and he was giving Two-bit pointers on riding. They were talking like they've known each other their whole lives. I motioned to Darry with my eyes as if saying "what a hell?" And he only shrugged in response, as if saying, "how am I supposed to know?" I came up to say hi, and lit up a cigarette. Apparently, while I was out, Maryanne called and Two-bit had a bright idea to invite her over. Matt invited himself to come along.. "So, where is she?" I asked, not sure if I was glad that she was here or not. "She's inside with Kathy, Evie, and Evi's friend, whatcha name, Diana," Two-bit offered. Wow, they've got all the girls, they are planning quite a show I thought, "I'm going to go, say hi."

"Yeah, go babysit the girls," Two-bit said and grinned like his old usual self. The guys heard him and responded with a chorus of loud laughter. I didn't care. I was just glad that in all excitement they've forgotten to ask me where I've been the whole day.

Before I made it inside the house, the girls came out. They seemed to get along just fine. So, Diana is the one that Soda is hooking up with I thought. Hm, she seems nice. Good-looking too. Maryanne pulled me aside saying, "I hope this has nothing to do with what happened in the cafeteria the other day."

We were gradually walking towards the backstreets by the school. Maryanne was talking, but I kind of spaced out. I didn't feel well, just kind of confused. I mean this was the first greasers versus socs thing since the rumble, and I had this weird premonition again that something was going to go wrong. Or maybe I was just nervous 'cause it reminded me so much of the last time. I must've really spaced out 'cause when I looked up Maryanne wasn't walking next to me anymore. She was walking ahead of me with her brother, and we were already at the place where the race was set to be. Two-bit was all the way ahead of everyone else, with Kathy on his bike.

To my surprise, Jimmy was already there when we came by. And a bunch of his people too. Their girls with them too. They didn't walk like we did. They got there by car. And the girls were now all gathered by the car, and acting like they are so much better than us. Looking Maryanne up and then whispering among themselves and giggling. Then Matt gave them this look like they are going to get it if they don't shut up right that second, and they stopped the giggling. I swear I would never hit a girl, but just then I wanted to come up to that girl that had whispered some kind of nasty comment about Maryanne to her friend, and punch her hard. "Shit, Pony your face is all red, what's up?" I heard Soda's voice.

"Nothing," is all I said, turning away.

In the meantime, Jimmy was walking kind of in circles around Two bit's bike and yelling insults at him, followed by loud laughter of his friends. "Hey, grease where you got this bike? You stole it?"

"You better shut your trap Graham, stole or not I'm gonna beat you"

"See, I don't think that's the case at all, you stupid grease" Jimmy yelled in return,

"Who are YOU calling stupid?" Steve echoed before Two bit even responded.

All this time Darry was standing kind of aside, his hands crossed on his chest, and he looked like he really didn't want anything to do with this. Soda was standing next to me and he looked a little confused and nervous, which is a rare thing for Soda since he's always laughing and fooling around. The girls have formed their little circle and were talking. God only knows what they were saying. I am not even going to go there.

All of the sudden Matt yelled in a really loud and kind of authoritative voice, "Enough bullshit. Get to business." He looked really serious, and it kind of gave the whole thing this feeling of being some kind of OFFICIAL thing. Like a boxing match you know, or a karate tournament, where you don't bullshit around. You don't curse at each other and stuff. You just get there and fight.

Matt came up to Two bit and started whispering something into his ear. Two bit was nodding and saying "ok, ok" a lot. Then Matt yelled again, "Ok, 10 laps around or whoever gets tired first."

"Now, who the fuck made you a referee? Who the fuck are you anyway? I don't even remember you from before," Jimmy said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, but I remember you plenty," Matt offered in response glaring at him, "you want to remember me come by later, maybe you'll remember this," - and he showed him his huge fist, while flexing his arm so you could see his bicep. Jimmy then walked back to his guys and spoke to them in a low voice. Then he came back and said with a glare "Ok, Matthews, 10 laps. I bettcha you won't last even 5." Matt came to the spot where the track started and both Two bit and Jimmy pulled up there too. Then Matt raised his hand and counted, "One, two, three, ... go." And both Jimmy and Two bit immediately took off. All this time Darry was watching Matt with a smirk, like why is he taking charge all of the sudden and why is he so interested in this race anyway?

As the two took off, Two-Bit was ahead of the two and was turning his head back to Jimmy and yelling something at him. Probably a bunch of insults and stuff. Stupid, I thought Jimmy is just playing him, he's probably going to speed up at the last moment or something. When you got 10 laps ahead of you, you don't just start speeding all the way at the very beginning.

The crowd separated in two groups at first. Each group staring at each other with despise. Then some of the guys from Jimmy's crowd started to come over to our side. "Shit, this isn't good," I whispered to Soda.

"You don't worry they are not gonna be happy they came over," Matt, who overheard me, responded instead of Soda. I wasn't in the mood for a fight though. I wasn't scared, but I wasn't in the mood for it. Matt, well, he doesn't know what had happened before. I mean he knows. The whole town knows by now, but he wasn't there, and it just ain't the same. I just glanced at Soda and he gave me an understanding look. He wasn't in the mood for a fight either. As the guys came closer, I noticed that they've been drinking. "Hey, why's the big guy so quiet today?" the one named Keith yelled through the smoke from his cigarette and pointing obnoxiously at Darry. "Fuck off Rollings", is all Darry said, and turned around, turning his back towards him. Soda took out a cigarette and lit up. Shit, Soda never smokes, he must be in a really shitty mood.

The tracks were long and both Two bit and Jimmy were far ahead of where we had been standing by now, so the whole group started walking ahead. As we walked, the guys were cursing at each other, and each group of girls was walking on the side of their guys, giving each other dirty looks from time to time. It got really dark by then. On the tracks Jimmy was on the same level with Two bit now.

By the 5th lap things started to heat up. Two bit was ahead of Jimmy by quit a lot. But he just couldn't keep it that way. He needed to start showing off, doing different stunts on the bike, and yelling stuff like "see baby, I told ya," to Kathy. Kathy came upfront and was yelling, "yeah, baby, c'mon baby." The other girls started cheering too. Then the soc girls started cheering for Jimmy. In the time while Two Bit was showing off doing stunts, Jimmy got ahead of him, and now he was yelling some insults at Two Bit, who then tried to speed up to catch up, but wasn't able to.

The rest of socs were pretty drunk by now. One of them started picking up rocks from the ground and throwing them at Two bit. At first he was throwing small rocks and kind of as a joke, if you can call it that under the circumstances. So, no one cared that he was doing that. Two bit just sent a few curses in his direction and that was it. Then he started getting bigger rocks and some of the huge rocks had hit Two bit on the back. It must've hurt 'cause he kind of made a face and yelled back "you fucking asshole you'll be dead tonight." The reply was more cursing and amused laughter from socs and more throwing rocks.

Part of the track was on a hill, and now Jimmy, who was still ahead of Two bit was going downhill, and Two bit followed him. All of the sudden, Jimmy pressed his breaks and made an abrupt turn, the bike making a terrible, loud squeaking noise. As he did so, he blocked Two bit's way, and Two bit, who was now going downhill at full speed had nowhere to go, but directly at Jimmy. "Back off, you idiot," Darry yelled to everybody's surprise," You are going to get both of you killed." It must've been just a split of a second, Two-Bit was going full speed at Jimmy cursing and telling him to back off, then he tried going around, but it was too late. He couldn't control his bike, and crashed into the streetlight, falling down, the bike completely crashing on top of him.

That happened in one instant and yet it felt so surreal. I saw the expression on Jimmy's face change from spiteful arrogance to surprise, then disbelief then shock. For a second everyone was silent, then Kathy ran to where Two bit was, crying and cursing the socs out. Darry then ran too, cursing both Jimmy and Two bit out and calling them idiots. Soda and I followed him, then Steve and the rest of the girls came up too. We lost site of socs for the time being.

When we came up, Two bit was on his side and was clearly unconscious. There was blood splattered on his forehead and on his temple. His jeans got ripped on some spots as he was dragged and you could see the bloody wounds through the wholes that formed. "Wholly crap," Soda gasped. Kathy was starting to get pretty hysterical, while trying to turn Two bit on his back. Steve was muttering curses under his breath. The other girls were standing a little to the side, all quiet all of the sudden. Not knowing whether to be mad and curse the socs out or to be sad and cry.

"We should call the ambulance," Maryanne said quietly. She was really pale as she spoke, "there is a payphone in front of the school."

"That's a walk, and besides the cops are gonna show up too, if we call the ambulance," Steve snapped.

"You got a better suggestion?" Darry yelled back at him, "he might have a concussion, he needs to see a doc." Kathy was nodding as to say yes call the ambulance, but she couldn't say it. She was just nodding, her whole body shaking.

"C'mon I'll walk with you," I said quickly grabbing Maryanne's hand and starting to walk before Darry could even say anything. We started running to the front of the school. As we got there, Maryanne quickly dialed 911 and gave them directions to where we were. We started walking back in silence. "They are going to start a fight right?" She then said quietly. I was pretty sure they would, but I shrugged and said, "I don't know."

We got back to see that some of the socs were gone, and then not far from where they had been standing when the accident happened, Matt was rolling on the ground with Jimmy, rolling in the dust and dirt and hitting each other as hard as they could. Then they were back up on their feet, and kept throwing punches at each other. Steve wanted to join in, but Evie held him back. Darry and Soda, Kathy and Diana were still next to where Two bit was. "I knew it," Maryanne said almost mad, and grabbed tighter on my arm. Looking at her face I understood that she expected that her brother would pull something like that. He did seem pretty out of control. Kind of like he was that day when he came to my house to beat the crap out of me.

Matt was pushing Jimmy down and almost got him to fall, but Jimmy regained his balance and punched him in the stomach. They both had blood on their faces. Then another soc pulled out a baseball bat out of their car and handed it to Jimmy. They must be carrying that shit around for jumping greasers. Jimmy was all prepared to use it too, but Matt grabbed on it and got it out of Jimmy's hands.

Then Matt did something none of us saw coming. He ran towards Jimmy's bike, which was parked a little further away and started pounding on it with the baseball bat, leaving huge dents on the sides, crashing the headlights, and smashing the whole thing all together. He was kicking it with his feet too. "You mother fucker," Jimmy yelled on top of his lungs, jumping at Matt from the back, "you are gonna pay for this, asshole, you are going to pay for this bike." The other three socs got there too, but Matt was swinging the baseball bat from side to side and if any of them would've gotten even a little closer he would've ended up hit without a doubt. Matt looked like he would hit any of them right on the head if they even tried to come up closer. He looked like there was no stopping him. "C'mon," Matt was yelling, almost daring them, "come here baby, did you say you wanted to fight or something? Or, you said you didn't remember me, huh? Do you remember me now?" And he kept swinging the baseball bat. He was mad, and breathing heavily. It's like he didn't see anything that was going on around him. He didn't even see Maryanne standing over there, watching this whole thing.

"Matt, please…" Maryanne finally said almost begging. He blinked, and took a step back. He suddenly looked tired, even exhausted. He exhaled heavily, took another step back and threw the baseball bat on the ground. He walked forward then, looking to the sides defensively, prepared to defend himself if any of the socs decided to renew the fight. "You are gonna pay for this. You won't have enough money in your life to pay for this." is all Jimmy hissed, walking past Matt, and signaling the 3 other socs and the girls back to the car. He got on the bike, which was still usable, but really, really smashed.

We walked towards Darry and the rest of them. Matt seemed to calm down a little and was now spitting blood out of his mouth. When we came by, Steve and Soda and even Darry were looking at Matt kind of curiously. "What do you have with Graham?" Darry asked.

"Long story," is all Matt offered in response.

"Where the fuck is the ambulance, you sure you gave them the right directions?" Kathy asked worriedly. "The person could die in this time for all I know."

"I told them the address of the school and then said to come around to the back. I'm positive they got it right. They should be here any minute," Maryanne replied.

"Thanks," Kathy said through sobs.

Then Maryanne turned to Matt and said in a really low and kind of tired voice, "What the hell were you thinking? He's gonna press charges. You are gonna be thrown in jail."

"Oh, shit it was so worth a couple of days in jail!" Matt replied loudly, with a satisfied grin. "So, worth it! It felt so damn good to hit this asshole. I can still feel it in my knuckles," he continued making a fist and feeling his knuckles. His eyes were glowing as he was saying this. "This bastard," he continued, "I should've split his head in two with that baseball bat of his."

"Yeah, it was worth it right?" Maryanne said sarcastically, "They are going to make you pay for it. Where are you gonna get the money? Have you thought of that? Have you thought of mom picking up your shit all these years?" She was close to tears, but controlled herself.

Matt didn't get a chance to respond to that 'cause the ambulance finally got there. They got Two bit on the stretcher, and Kathy was explaining to them how he was just riding and lost control of his bike and fell like that. Darry said he ought to go down to the hospital with Two bit and Kathy and told Soda to make sure that I go straight home and all that. I wanted to go to the hospital too, but Darry said no.

The ambulance left and the rest of us started walking away from the school. But we only made a few steps before we saw the cops pulling up in a van. It was clearly coming towards us. "Hey guys hold it for a second," a cop yelled, pulling down his window. He yelled it casually, like there was no big deal. We stopped and the van pulled up. The cop and his assistant got out of the car, and then to my amazement Jimmy and the other 2 socs got out of the van too. "Which one?" The cop that was yelling out of the window before asked. "Him," Jimmy said, pointing his finger at Matt.

"So, what are you guys doing here at this hour?" The cop then asked us.

"They got nothing to do with it officer," Matt said. "It was between me and this guy," and he in turn pointed his finger at Jimmy. "The other ones got nothing to do with it and you oughtta let them get goin'."

"Well," the cop said thoughtfully, "we'll just have to see that." He lined us all up along the van, and took each one's addresses, names and phone numbers. The girls were looking at each other nervously. "What do we have to do with anything? We got nothing to do with it," Steve said impatiently. "Shut up Steve," Evie snapped, and Soda chuckled.

When the cops were done with getting our information, the police report was filed and we were asked a few questions as witnesses. Jimmy claimed that his bike was not usable anymore, because of the extent of the damage done by Matt. But we clearly had seen him use it after Matt had already smashed it. We tried to mention that for the police report, but the cop just wouldn't listen. He explained that Jimmy had already shown him the bike, and it is clearly not in the condition to be used again. Asshole, I thought. He must've gone ahead and smashed his own bike afterwords, after he already left us, and then came by the precinct and acted like Matt did that. Now, that's low.

As expected, Matt got arrested, and the rest of us started for home in silence. I was thankful that Matt had enough sense not to mention Darry and Two bit crashing, and didn't get us involved in this in any way. I wouldn't want more questions from the social services people and threats to send me to the boys home again. Jimmy didn't mention anything about that either, because if he did the cops would ask more questions about the race and then it would be clear that it wasn't all just Matt's fault and that Matt wasn't just trying to smash the bike for no reason. It would be clear that it was Jimmy's fault too. So, Jimmy kept his mouth shut about that.


	18. Chapter 18

Hello all. Here I am updating again. Thanks to all of my old readers who emailed me asking to update and thanks to the new readers too:) It really does mean a lot. I've been wanting to update so much, but I just never have the time anymore. These few past weeks my dad was in the hospital and it's been really crazy. He is doing better now, but I'm still really worried. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, here we go:

We walked the girls home and headed home ourselves. "I'm shot. I'm going straight to bed," Soda announced as soon as we walked into the house.

"Me too," I replied yawning. We each headed to our rooms.

"Hey, it's gonna be OK, Pony," Soda said softly, trying to comfort me before opening the door to his room. "Two Bit will be OK."

"Uh-huh," I nodded walking into my own room. I wished Soda had stayed with me tonight in my room. Just this once. Like he used to before. But I was embarrassed to ask him.

I went to bed and even though I felt really tired, I couldn't sleep. I kept turning and tossing in my bed feeling that it was too hot in the room, opening the window then closing it and then opening it again. I even took those sleeping pills, but that didn't help either.

I kept thinking about what happened today. I know Two-Bit didn't get it too bad. He'd have to stay in the hospital for a few days, but then he should be OK. But still for some reason I really didn't like what had happened. Jimmy got off easy, while Matt got locked up and Two Bit is in the hospital. That's what was bothering me the most.

I had to talk to someone about this. But Soda is asleep and Darry is not home. And besides they just don't dig anyway. It's Johnny that I want to talk to. He's the only one that sees things the same way I do. Well, most of the time. It was clear to me. I have to get to the cemetery and talk to Johnny. I have to get there! NOW! I glanced at the alarm clock by my bed - 3:00 a.m. Well, going at this hour would be really stupid so I'll have to wait till tomorrow. I really don't want to, but i guess I have to. Since I couldn't sleep, I figured I'd just sit by the window and smoke.

I opened the window again, stuck my head out and lit up a cigarette. The nice chilly breeze made me feel even more awake. Not even a little bit sleepy. I felt restless. Like I needed something to do... I had all this energy. Right now a drag race would actually be nice, I thought. I kept blowing smoke rings and staring at the sky. Shoot, screw it. I'm going to go talk to Johnny NOW, not tomorrow, I suddenly thought. I don't have to be all reasonable and rational like Darry. I'm just not like that. I quickly pulled my jeans and my shirt on, and before I knew it, I was opening the window wider and jumping outside. It was really dark and really chilly. I started walking. I know it is really stupid to be walking alone at this hour, but I can't help it. I've been acting like that a lot lately. Acting on impulse. Here we go again with my vocabulary. Acting on impulse just means that I know something is a stupid or a wrong thing to do, but I just feel like I want to do it anyway, and I can't help it. Like now I know it's 3 a.m., but I don't rally care.

I could hardly see where I was going, but it was a familiar enough route for me not to get lost. The further I walked, the faster I was walking and finally I was running. It started raining, and I felt dirt and water splash under my feet as I stepped into the mud and puddles that have formed. By the time I reached the cemetery, it was pouring. I was completely soaked, covered in mud, and I had a throbbing headache. I saw the gates to the cemetery and walked in. Everything looked so different in the dark. You could call it mysterious, I guess. I walked around hesitantly and finally I was able to make it to Dally's grave. I did that whistle thing that we use for "who is there?", but no-one answered. It occurred to me then that Johnny probably isn't here now. What idiot besides me would be staying outside when it's pouring like that. He's probably hiding out from the rain at the train station or in the phone booth or something. I decided to check the phone booths first. There were several by the entrance and exit of the cemetery. As I was about to turn around though, the lightening struck and I saw...

'Shit, shit, no, no, no way!' "Johnny?" I screamed running up to the motionless figure. The lightening kept flashing and there was no more doubt in my mind. It was Johnny. He'd been here all along. He was unconscious. Before I knew it, I was on my knees next to him, shaking him. He was lying his knees pulled to his chest and his head pulled into his knees. "Johnny, c'monn, c'monn man. What is it now?" Had he been jumped? Had he tried killing himself? My headache was killing me by now. All was useless - he was passed out cold. I felt drops of sweat form on my forehead and I felt panic rising up in my chest. "Johnny, please, man, what's wrong, just tell me what's wrong?" I kept pleading with him. Thank God that I showed up here NOW, and didn't wait til tomorrow, I thought. But what should I do now, what should I do? I looked at his wrists - no he didn't cut his veins. Actually there was no blood anywhere. It was pretty dark except for the lightening outbreaks so I couldn't be totally sure that there were no bruises or any other signs that he might've been jumped.

I got to call the ambulance, I thought and started running to the pay phones, but when I got there I suddenly dialed a different number...

"Hello, Carol? It's Ponyboy. Something really bad happened. I need your help" I yelled desperately into the phone, and felt embarrassed for letting my emotions show.

"Ponyboy, calm down, tell me what's wrong, where are you? Are you alone? Where is Darry? Ponyboy, do you hear me, Pony?"

I suddenly froze. What am I supposed to say? But she even agreed to let Johnny live at her house, wouldn't she be willing to help him now? But what can she do? She is no doctor. Why did I even call her?

"Ponyboy, " her voice was much firmer now. Almost angry.

"Ponyboy where the hell are you and what the hell is wrong? Quit playin' games with me. You called me, now tell me what the hell is wrong!"

I still didn't say anything

"Did you get jumped?" - She knew all about our fights with socs by now.

"No..." I managed.

"Then what is it? If you don't start talking now, I'm gonna call the cops," she threatened.

That made me snap out of it. I always did know that you can't mess with Carol too much.

"Please don't,... don't call the cops," I almost whispered into the phone, "I'll tell you now. I just ... just don't know...Well, I went to visit Johnny at the cemetery...," I started.

"In the middle of the night?, she almost screamed in shock.

"Yes, yes in the middle of the night!...I screamed back. "I know it's stupid, but I just couldn't help it. But you see, when I got here I found him,... I found him unconscious," I yelled. "And I tried everything, and he's not coming around. I was gonna call the ambulance, but I called YOU instead. I am just... scared ... I don't know WHAT to do."

"Oh, God" she gasped, and continued "Ponyboy I'll be there in 15 minutes. Meet me by the gates OK? You remember my car right?"

"Right." I said and she quickly hung up.

I waited for what seemed forever, and finally the headlights of a car flashed into my eyes. I ran up to the car. "Hi," Carol said quickly getting out of the car. She was holding first aid kit in her hands. To my surprise, she gave me a quick hug before we got going. "Pony, I'm gona see what I can do, but then if needed we HAVE to call the ambulance," she said looking me straight in the eyes. I looked down and nodded.

We got there real quick. I was hoping that maybe Johnny came around by now. But deep down I knew that's not the case. And it wasn't - he was in exact same spot and haven't moved. It was still raining even though not as bad as before. "Oh my," Carol gasped. She came closer and put her palm on Johnny's wrist, then his forehead - "Gosh, he's really burning up!"

"Yep," I nodded bitterly. Carol then quickly opened the first aid kit and removed a small bottle from it. I was gonna ask her what that was, but before I got a chance to, she opened it, and I felt a strong smell of rubbing alcohol. She pored some on a small cotton swab and put it right up to Johnny's nose. No result. Then she poured some more and did it again. Suddenly Johnny gasped and opened his eyes. He opened them and then quickly closed them again, cringing in pain, and then coughing and gasping for air. "Johnny, Johnnycake..." I half-screamed, stepping forward. He made a motion to sit up, but then turned away quickly and laid back down again. He was shaking.

"Johnathan," Carol said in a really soothing voice that made me remember that she works with abused kids a lot. "Jonathan, I am Carol I...I won't hurt you". ... And then she took off her jacket and covered Johnny as he was still shaking.

"Johnny," I said then, "you gotta go with us man. We need to find out what's wrong with you." Carol is my social worker, 'member I told you about her last time. She's not gonna tell anyone, and she's gonna help you."

He said something, but it was so weak that I couldn't make out what he was saying- "What? I didn't get that Johnny, what is it?"

"I ate something bad, that's all. Some stupid old food I got from these people..." He repeated reluctantly, while he was finally able to sit up.

"Probably stomach flu then," Carol said, "his face looks pretty pale." And it did look really pale, even kind of green. Johnny shifted his eyes towards Carol, then back to me. He didn't say anything, but all his huge eyes were saying, was who the hell is this and why did I bring a stranger here. Before I could say anything though, he made this little sound, and mumbled something like "shit, not again." Then he laid back down again, pulling his knees to his stomach. He closed his eyes tightly and bit his bottom lip, trying to sustain the pain.

"He is having stomach spasms," Carol said. "We got to get him to my house now. Give him fluids and some light food. If by tomorrow, like noon at the latest, he is not better we got to get him to a doctor, Ponyboy."

"He probably passed out from the pain in the first place." I said.

"These spasms can be really painful," Carol nodded, "and I bet you he hadn't eaten anything since so that definitely would make anyone pass out," she added.

Johnny made another sound, a moan is more like it. Carol quickly took out a small bottle, - "these are just pain relievers," she said, "they'll let his spasms calm down a little and take care of the fever." I took out a bottle of water from my bag. Thank God I packed some together with the sandwiches when I was getting ready to go here.

"He should take two of those pain relievers," I said. She hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. "Here, Johnny that'll take care of the pain," I said bringing the pills up to his lips and letting him get a sip of water from the water bottle. "It's going to take a little time," Carol said in that same soothing voice, "but then the pain is going to be much more tolerable." Johnny didn't reply to that. I guess he still didn't feel safe that Carol was here. But I was so happy that she was here. I don't know what I would do if it was only me.

After a little while, Johnny opened his eyes, and exhaled like he has been holding his breath forever. He was trying to sit up and I helped him a little. He was still wearing his hat, so when he was looking down you couldn't see his face at all. The hat irritated the hell out of me, but of course I didn't say anything about it at this point. "Johnny you got to go with us," I said again. "I promise you Carol is not going to tell anyone.We are going to help you to the car OK?" He was staring at me with those huge eyes, and I could see he really didn't want to do it, but then he nodded so slightly.

We helped him get up and were holding him on each of the sides. He was really light headed, because he hasn't been eating for so long. Plus his stomach was still hurting a lot so he couldn't stand straight up. He was still bending forward a little bit as he was walking. "You sit with him in the back," Carol said, while getting into the driver's seat. I helped Johnny get in the car and set down next to him. "It's going to be OK, Johnny" I whispered "Carol's really cool" but he only turned away and bit his lower lip again.

It was still dark out as we pulled up to Carol's house. I helped Johnny out of the car and he blinked from the light of the street lights. We went inside in silence. Carol looked really nervous. I avoided looking at Johnny. It just felt so weird and awkward. We walked in, and only now I realized that Johnny's cloths were really dirty. I mean he was lying in the pile of mud after all. Don't know how I didn't even notice it before. This is not at all how I imagined it would be when we bring Johnny to Carol's. I thought we would get the spare room in the house all ready for him. And I'd get to introduce Carol to him and explain it to him that she's really cool and stuff.

"Um... Pony," Carol interrupted my thoughts. I'm going to make the bed for Johnny. Here is some cloths for him to change." "How is your stomach Johnny?" She then asked turning to him. "It's a little better right? Don't worry we are going to let you lie down just in a few minutes. I just got to make the bed real quick OK?" To my complete surprise Johnny looked up at her, and said quietly "thank you, thanks a lot." This was like the first audible thing he'd said throughout the whole time. His voice was kind of hoarse though.

When Johnny was already in bed Carol put a cold towel on his forehead. "You've got to drink a lot of fluids and sugary drinks so.you are not lightheaded. Your stomach won't hold up any food right now," she added, putting bottles of water and juice on the night stand next to him. "Here is more of the pain relievers, but you got to wait a few hours before you can take another one. Later on you might be able to eat oatmeal and stuff like that, but not yet." "Yeah, I know," Johnny said after a pause, "thanks."

We get to see how Johnny is doing and what Pony is going to say to Darry in the next chapter:) Please review:)


	19. Chapter 19

I am updating again! Yay! I so wish I could update more often. I want to keep going with this story I have lots of ideas for it. Anyway, in this chapter it's a little bit about Two-Bit and mostly about Johnny. Later chapters are going to do more with Two-Bit and the whole gang. I even plan Darry and Carol getting together and Johnny getting a girlfriend. See I told you I had lots of ideas:) Anyways, thanks so much to all reviewers it means a lot and thanks to those who emailed me telling me to update ASAP:)

The pain relievers worked and Johnny started to relax a little, and soon enough he was asleep. I had to rush home.

"I better go," I said to Carol, "I got to get home before Darry gets there. Thanks so much... for everything. I'll come by tomorrow to see how Johnny is doing, OK?"

"Why? Where is Darry at this hour?" Carol said somewhat worried, "Why is everyone in your family wandering around the town at night?"

"It's a long story, I'll tell you later, I really got to go."

"Pony," she stopped me in the doorway before I could leave, "please be extra careful walking home,OK? And call me when you get there so I know you got home fine."

I rolled my eyes - this sounded so much like Darry. "Don't roll your eyes at me," she said, and I could almost hear Darry's voice. I really thought she was going to say Ponyboy _**Michael**_ Curtis, but she didn't remember my middle name so she just said Ponyboy Curtis. "I let you walk alone at this hour, then something happens to you, imagine how that would make me feel."

"I get it." I said, the sarcastic smirk disappearing from my face.

"Good," Carol replied, her voice softening.

I hardly made it to my room and was trying to call Carol, as I herd Darry walk in through the front door. I wanted to ask him about Two-Bit, but I'd have to wait till the morning. I laid down and pulled the covers on, knowing he won't go to sleep before checking on me. And soon enough he was opening my door and looking in through the crack. My eyes were closed so I couldn't see his face, but I herd him sigh as he was closing the door behind him and leaving. I made a quick call to Carol and started thinking about my plans for tomorrow. About Johnny, and Two-Bit and Matt being locked up and how I wanted to see Maryanne and just hang out with her like we used to before. Maybe catch a movie or go to the town fair or something. Thinking about Johnny was bothering me the most. How he's now going to be hiding out at Carol's. How to convince him to let the others know that he's alive. How would his parents react when they find out? What if Carol is not going to be able to go through with it. I was getting really restless with all these thoughts, when the rays of the rising sun lighted up the room. Sunrise I thought. Nice, but I'm not even in the mood to enjoy a sunrise now.

A few hours later I finally got up, and went into the kitchen. Darry was already there when I walked in. "Morning," he nodded to me. He looked really tired.

"So...?" is all I said to ask about Two-Bit's condition.

"He's got a concussion - Type II." Darry replied, and I did not like the tone of his voice when he said it.

"There are _**types**_ of concussions?"

"Yeah, buddy there are."

"So how bad's type II?"

"Um, it's actually pretty bad. He's conscious now, but he's ..."

"What?" I asked in panic, not knowing _**what**_ to think.

"Confused. Kind of. Like he'd be talking and then start confusing the names or words, or jump to talking about completely different subject, stuff like that. The doc. said he may have some memory gaps too."

I was looking at him with eyes wide open. "God, does that mean that now he is some sort of like... retarded?" I said dreading the last word.

"The doc said it's temporary, but there maybe some permanent damage as well. They are doing cat scan this afternoon." Darry said avoiding looking at me.

I couldn't believe it."Did the doc say anything else, did he say how long it might take for him to recover?" I asked with hope.

"Nope," Darry said looking down. "He said they will have more information after the cat scan is done. Kathy is taking this really hard."

All of the sudden I was not hungry at all. I felt frustrated and outraged. This is how Dally must've felt when he punched that wall in the hospital. I think I'm starting to turn bitter like Dally. I don't want to, but it's really hard not to.

"I have to go." I said heading for the door.

"Where' you going?" - Darry's eyes zeroed on me.

"Going for a walk." I wanted to tell him about Johnny. I mean It was just killing me, but I kept quiet.

"Don't do anyhting stupid," he said firmly, and then added in a softer voice, "OK, Pony?"

Just as I was walking out, I saw Soda stumbling into the kitchen his eyes on Darry waiting to hear about Two-Bit. I couldn't listen to that again, so I just walked out quickly. I went straight to Carol's place.

Carol looked tired, but she was smiling when she opened the door. I looked at her, questioning with my eyes.

"He's much better," she said. "He had a rough night, but it really started to get better since this morning." I headed straight to Johnny's room.

Johnny was sitting up on his bed, leaning on the wall. His wet hair was in his eyes - apperantly he just took a shower. He looked kind of exhausted, but much better than last night. He was staring down at the floor as if there was something of huge interest to him down there, even though there was nothing there. Not even the carpet. He didn't even notice that I walked in.

"Hey," I said not too loud so I don't scare him.

"Hey," he looked up, somewhat absent-mindedly and gave me a small smile. I set down on the edge of the bed -

"So, how's your stomach?"

"It's fine now," Johnny said somewhat embarassed, and added "I'm sorry I put you through so much trouble yesterday. I should've never taken that food from those people. I thought it smelled kind of funny, but I was...," he blushed and looked even more embarassed... "I was hungry."

"It's ok don't worry about it Johnny," I tried to reassure him.

"Hey how'd you know to get there at that time at nigh?" he asked all of the sudden.

"I dunno, premonition I guess."

Carol walked into the room. "So, you guys want something to eat?" She asked, "I can make sandwiches or something."

"Sure," I nodded, since I didn't have breakfast and was starting to get hungry.

"Anything in particular?" she asked.

I was about to say 'no', but Johnny kind of blushed and said "um p-peanutbutter and jelly,... if you don't mind?"

"Sure," Carol said heading to the kitchen, but before she left the room, I noticed a wide happy smile flash across her face.

She came back a few minutes later with some sandwihces and drinks. "Take it easy at first Johnny," she said,"your stomach still can't hold up all that much."

"Yeah, I know," he nodded somewhat embarrassed. "It's just ... I haven't had peanutbutter and jelly in like ... forever." "Thanks," he added, taking the food from her.

"Um, so how'd you like Carol?" I asked Johnny after she left the room. And then answered for him before he could even say anything - "She's really cool."

Johnny looked up, and looked me straight in the eyes, not saying anything. His huge eyes just borring into mine.

"What?..." I finally asked.

"She... she... I... um... I mean, she's real nice, but ... how sure are you she's not gonna tell anyone? She's a social worker 'nd everything." He looked down right after he finished the sentense. I could tell he felt really awkward talking about this.

"Johnny, I swear to you Carol's not gonna tell anyone and I mean anyone unless you want her to."

I saw fear in his eyes, - "but I don't want her _**or you **_telling anyone... Ponyboy you promised...," he started again.

"Johnny," I said firmly, "I am telling you noone is gonna say anything. Carol is really great and I mean really. She ... she helped me with a lot of stuff."

"Like what?"

"Like when I... um ... I never told you about this, but when you were dead... I mean when I _**thought**_ you were dead I ... I kind of lost it... and... and Carol is the one who helped me pull myself together. Her and Maryanne."

"Who's Maryanne?"

It was my turn to blush now. I could just feel my face turn red.

"No-o-o...?" Johnny said in disbelief and realization... "you got a girl?!" He was smiling widely and his eyes got that spark in them that he had when he wasn't upset or beat down by his parents. He actually looked exited at the moment. Like he forgot at that second about all the troubles of his life.

"How'd you meet her?"

So I told him about Maryanne and how we met at the records store and how she knew who Johnny was and remembered him from her geography class. I also told him about Matt and how he is weird and also cool in some ways. Johnny listened with interest, but then when I finished, all of the sudden his face got really sad, and that spark in his eyes was no longer there. He kind of slouched and mumbled something about how he wished he had a weed. He couldn't smoke since the accident 'cause of the damage to his lungs.

"I think I'm gonna go back to sleep for a while," he said.

Well, that's rude, I thought. I came to visit him all worried how he's doing and he wants to go back to sleep, what the hell...and then I got it - he felt bad. Felt bad about being here, hiding out. My story reminded him of the gang and normal life. Normal... He really never had it normal anyway. I was the one with a family. He has always been scared and upset, because of the way his parents have been treating him. Plus I'm younger than him and I got a girl before him... shoot maybe it wasn't the right time to tell him about Maryanne.

"Wait, I said don't go back to sleep. There's more."

"What?"

"Two-Bit's in the hospital."

He sat up on the bed again - "How come?"

"Well, I told you we were gonna have a race with the socs 'member?"

"Oh, yeah I remember now..."

"Well, we had it. Two-Bit was winning, then this jerk Graham cut him off on his lane so they both crashed, but Graham didn't get hurt. Two-Bit's got a concussion." I didn't bother explaining to Johnny the whole different types of concussions thing. I figured it was enough information as it is. "Then this guy Matt...," I continued.

"Maryanne's brother?"

"Yeah, he got mad and got into a fight with Graham and messed up his bike a little bit. I mean a few dents here and there, nothing major. But Graham took the bike, crashed it completely and then went down to the precinct claiming Matt did that. He's got his buddies as witnesses and all. Now Matt's locked up for damage to personal property. Maryanne's mom doesn't want to bail him out and Maryanne doesn't have that kind of money."

Johnny was now staring at me. His already huge eyes were now half of his face. His hands were shaking. He had this kind of haunted expression on his face. "Son of a bitch," he said quietly through clenched teeth. His face looked like he was reliving the whole thing over again, being beat up by Bob and then the accident in the park.

"Sorry Johnny I didn't mean to get you upset, but I just had to talk to someone, and Darry's no good for that kind of stuff you know that, and even Soda don't dig me these days."

"Shit we got to get even with the socs." He finally said. "We got to do it for ... Dally. I don't know what, but we got to do something."

"Hey Johnny?"

"Huh?"

"That time," I hesitated for a moment, "that time in the hospital you said fighting's no good. Did you mean that?"

"Yeah..." he said thoughtfully.

"Do you still think that?"

He was still thoughtful - "Yeah, kind of. I mean I've seen some stuff while being homeless that sometimes I think maybe fighting IS the way, but it almost never changes anything, you dig? It's like no matter what, we are still greasers and a low life and they are still supposed to be better than us and stuff, you dig?"

"Yeah it's what that kid Randy said back then too."

"But there's got to be something ... ," he said, "if fighting won't do it then there's got to be something else."

"I know." I said with a sigh.

"Is something wrong?" Carol walked into the room.

"No, thanks a lot for the food." Johnny answered.

"You are welcome," she smiled.

"Not just for the food," he added. "For everything."


	20. Chapter 20

_Finally I got a chance to put up another update:) And I'm putting 2 chapters once again:) The story has been moving a little slow, but things are going to start picking up pace again with more action and stuff, including Johnny meeting a girl:) Thank you so much for the reviews, and thanks for putting up with my rare updates:)_

"You are very welcome," Carol said, smiling widely and this time not even trying to hide her smile.

"Johnny," she added, "you can feel totally safe here. No one will know anything. You did the right thing coming here. Pony told me all about your, ... um, situation. You'll be 18 pretty soon, and you can be on your own then. Pony can bring his homework and stuff from school so you can learn. That way you'll be able to take the GED when its time."

"Yeah," I added hurriedly. "That way you won't have to pay nothing for no GED preparation courses or anythin'. See I'll just bring the stuff from school here, and I'll help you out if you don't understand something and stuff."

"Yeah," Carol continued, "and we'll get you a desk and everything. This will be your room. We would've gotten the desk _**before**_ you get here, but you know...,we didn't know it's going to be... um, like this..."

"Yeah, and it's gonna get cold real soon," I kept taking turns with Carol speaking, "and it's real good that you are here, and not out on the streets."

"Yes," Carol nodded, "and my backyard is kind of small, but its still a backyard so you can come out and stuff. No need for you to feel like you are just inside all the time, like in some sort of prison," she smiled.

"Yeah," I kept going," 'nd if you want to visit Dal at the cemetery or go somewhere you still can. You can, you know, dress like you used to, and get your hat 'nd everything so no one recognizes you, and we can go anywhere you want to."

Johnny was glancing back and forth at Carol and then at me, then again, at Carol and then again at me. I think we started to talk about all this stuff way too early. He was still tired from yesterday, and it was too big of a change all at once. Finally, he looked straight at Carol and said kind of really quietly, but very firmly, "Why are you doing this?" There was disbelief in his voice. He still couldn't trust her, or me for that matter. He wasn't used to people just being nice. Not because they want something from you, but just because. Just because that's the way they are. Hell, I wasn't used to that kind of people either. Especially, if its a social worker.

Carol looked caught off guard, and a little hurt that he still didn't trust her. "Well...," she said, "because ... because sometimes people just deserve to get a break."

"Do you want to go see the backyard?" I said to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Sure," Johnny nodded. We came outside. Carol's backyard wasn't actually that small. I mean it was smaller than socs' backyards, of course, but it wasn't that small for this neighborhood. It was much nicer than our yard. We don't have anything in the backyard. Carol has trees and flowers. And a mini basketball court and a swing and a bench and a barbaque area. Of course, now in the Fall it's not all that nice. But in the Summer it would be a pretty nice place to hang out.

We talked a little more. I told Carol about Two-Bit, and then she went inside. Johnny and I were still in the backyard. We found an old ball and started shooting some hoops. Johnny was limping, so it wasn't that easy for him, but he managed. I slowed my pace down on purpose – to make it easier for him.

"It feels weird," he said.

"What?"

"This," he said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I know," I said – "you'll get used to it."

We played some more. It was really awesome. I've missed Johnny a lot. I've been hanging out with Two-Bit and Jesse all these days when Johnny was gone, but that just ain't the same.

"Hey, you probably have to go," Johnny said when it was almost noon.

"I do I said, but I am not going back." I didn't want to go back yet. I didn't want to show it, but I was overwhelmed that Johnny was gonna be living at Carol's and that I can visit him any time I want and we can hang out. I just wish he'd let me tell the rest of the gang, but he wouldn't bend on that.

Later, after lunch Carol said she had to go somewhere, and Johnny and I staid home. We were watching TV and I was telling Johnny all the details of how Two-Bit was racing Jimmy Graham, and what exactly happened out there. Then "American most wanted" came on TV, and Johnny asked in a real serious voice, "Do you think they'd try me as an adult or as a minor?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked startled.

"You know what," Johnny explained, "when I turn 18 and start living on my own they still have to try me for murder right?"

"I guess so," I shrugged, not liking where this conversation was going.

"Well, then are they gonna try me as a minor since I was still 16 when I killed him, or they gonna try me as an adult?"

Now I really didn't like where this conversation was going. But I guess I had to face it sooner or later. "Gosh, I dunno about stuff like that, Johnny," I said honestly. "But we still got time, right? Carol knows a lot about stuff like that, and she knows people, you know, like lawyers and stuff. Maybe she can help."

"I guess we'll just see." Johnny replied bitterly.

In about 2 or 3 hours Carol returned with huge shopping bags in her hands.

"Hey Pony, help me out," she said, motioning for me to close the door after her, 'cause she couldn't do it with these bags in her hands.

"What's all this?" I asked, starting to get the idea.

"It's clothes for Johnny," she said. "He's gonna need it don't you think?"

Johnny's cheeks flashed bright red, as if someone just put a match to his face.

Carol put the bags right in front of Johnny, and seeing that he was uncomfortable, left the room, saying – "you'll unpack this whenever you feel like it."

Johnny was staring at the bags.

"What's wrong with you?" I said. "You knew you weren't going to keep wearing the same stuff you've been wearing on the streets for nearly 3 months."

"I know….it's just…"

"Just nothing. Open the bags," I started taking the stuff out of the bags myself.

Man, Carol really knew what she was doing. She got all the type of clothes that we would wear.

I kept taking the stuff out and laying it out on the bed.

A whole bunch of T-shirts, mostly black and navy blue, flannels, 3 pairs of jeans, 3 pairs of converses, new sheets for the bed, towels, and a new baseball hat. And on top of that, not one, but two really cool jean jackets. To tell you the truth, I was a little jealous. It's been a while since I got new cloths, and so much at the same time. I mostly get Soda's stuff that he doesn't want anymore.

Johnny's face was bright red - "I didn't ask for this," he mumbled, but he came up and started at least looking at the clothes.

"Try it on," I demanded.

"Try what on?"

"The jacket," I said, pointing to the one I really liked.

"I'm not trying it on." Johnny said.

"Yeah, you are." I took the jacket and started putting it on Johnny.

"What are you doing? You are crazy man," he tried to dodge, but he lost balance, and crashed right on the bed, dragging me with him, since I was still holding on to the sleeve of the jacket and wouldn't let go. I couldn't help it, but laugh, looking at the annoyed look on Johnny's face. Johnny looked hurt for a second, and then suddenly burst into laughter too. Thank God, I thought. That could go either way. He could've got mad instead.

Finally Johnny stopped laughing, and tried the jacket on. He looked tuff.

"C'mon, try the rest of it too," I said. He sighed, as if he was doing me a favor, but started to pick out the rest of the clothes.

He put on a black shirt, the other jean jacket, a pair of jeans and new converses. It was same type of clothes that he always wore, but he looked so different. I couldn't understand why. But then I got it. It was new. It wasn't worn out or too small on him. Man, he really looked tuff.

"Hey Carol," I yelled, "Come over here," and Johnny's face turned burning red again. She walked in, and stopped in the doorway shocked. "Oh, my, - hot," she said, and even gave a little whistle, making Johnny want to disappear, but I could see that in the corners of his lips he was smiling even though he tried not to smile.


	21. Chapter 21

_Ok here is the second of the two chapters I'm putting up today. Like I said things are going to start picking up pace. Enjoy. _

_Oh, and I haven't done disclaimer in a while so here - I do not own The Outsiders. S.E. Hinton does._

The rest of the week went on smoothly. I came over to Johnny after school. He wasn't really into doing schoolwork yet, and I couldn't blame him. After all that's been going on, his mind wasn't set on school.

On Sunday, I came over right after breakfast.

"What do you want to do?" Johnny asked.

"I dunno, maybe we can go check out the park in this neighborhood." Carol's neighborhood was a little nicer than ours, but it was still on the greaser side. Johnny seemed unsure.

"C'mon," I said, "put your baseball hat on and lets go. It's not like your parents are going to show up in _this _neighborhood and see you."

"Ok." He nodded, getting his hat.

"Be careful," Carol said as we were living

"Ok."

The park was similar to the one in our neighborhood, except there was no fountain.

We were walking towards the football area, when we noticed a group of people gathered around one of the benches. They were getting loud and that's why they attracted our attention. They seemed to be around our age too. Seemed like they were just having fun, throwing jokes at each other and stuff, but you never know how they'd react to new people in the neighborhood.

I thought they were all guys, but when we came closer I noticed there was one girl among them. She seemed to have fun and was fighting and joking with all the guys. There was one guy, that she was arguing and fighting with more than the others. All the guys were standing around the bench, except for them two, sitting on the back of the bench with their feet on the seats. They were talking about girls' driving.

"It's bullshit," the guy was saying in between the sips of his beer, "girls can't drive. They are too slow, and they can never get directions right." The rest of them were chuckling and laughing as he said it.

"Oh yeah," the girl answered in a daring voice, "it's the guys that can never get directions right, but they are too proud and scared to ask for directions. They'd rather get lost than ask. Guys are such losers anyways. It's all about the ego with them."

"You callin' me a loser?" The guy asked ticked off.

"Yeah, I'd race you right now, where is your car? Oh, I forgot you don't have one 'cause you wrecked it last night 'cause you are such a good driver," the girl said, laughing sarcastically.

The guy turned red, and all the other guys kind of chuckled, even though they tried not to show it.

Some funny girl I thought. She had long wheat color hair that she wore down, and really pink cheeks. Like as if she was blushing, only she was like that all the time. She had really dark eyes. Like black, and they were glistening with anger.

"You know what, I don't even want to talk to you no more," the guy said.

"That's right don't talk to me 'cause you got nothing to say, loser." - she playfully pushed him, while taking his hat off, and tossing it to one of the guys.

"What did you do that for?" - He pushed her back. Then she pushed him again, not so playfully this time, and he fell of the bench.

"Oh, does that hurt Danny?" She asked sarcastically, "hope you are not crippled now, 'cause then you wouldn't be able to drive."

The guys were cracking up now, but the guy on the ground sure was mad. The girl was now mad too. She got off the bench, and started walking away. That's when she saw us staring, and realized that we'd seen the whole thing. "What are YOU staring at?" She asked Johnny, walking past him. "Want me to do that to you too, so you can be a cripple for the rest of your life?" Johnny turned pale in an instance as she said that, but she didn't notice 'cause she had already passed by us.

Johnny seemed to have frozen and unable to move.

"C'mon Johnny," I said, "let's go, she didn't mean nothing by that, she was just mad."

Johnny nodded, not saying anything, and started walking to one of the benches. He was limping much more than usual now, because he was self-conscious. As we were turning the corner, I saw the girl standing in the distance and watching Johnny limp. Her eyes were wide open, and the look in them was kind of scared. She saw me, and quickly turned around and walked away.

Johnny was completely crashed.

"C'mon Johnnycakes," I said, "just some chick. She didn't even know about your leg, she just said it 'cause she was mad."

"Let's just go back," was all he said.

So, we came back to Carol's, and watched TV for the rest of the day, not saying much to each other. Carol, asked what was wrong, but neither I nor Johnny felt like letting her know what had happened in the park.


	22. Chapter 22

From then on Johnny never wanted to go outside again

_Ok, here I am updating again. Only one chapter this time. But I got it all worked out in my head. I just have to type it up sometime. Thanks to everyone for the reviews, and I promise I'll update sooner next time._

_Here we go_

From then on Johnny never wanted to go outside again. He just came down to Carol's backyard and that was it. He wasn't acting too upset, even though I can't say that he was exactly happy either. One day he asked Carol to give him a ride to the cemetery to visit Dal, but other than that he never stepped his foot outside again.

I kept lying to Darry and Soda, saying I am going to therapy or hanging out with Maryanne or with some people from school, so I could go visit Johnny at Carol's. Darry was actually happy that I am going out a lot and not locking myself in my room like I used to right after Dally and Johnny died.

Johnny started doing his schoolwork, we got him a desk and everything. He still had severe problems concentrating though. He isn't dumb I can tell you that for sure, but he loses his trail of thought real easily. I kind of can see why – when you've got a lot on your mind it's hard to concentrate. Carol also said that if the child grew up in the home where there was a lot of fighting and screaming and being nervous all the time, that'd do it too, make him have problems concentrating and stuff.

Besides doing his schoolwork, Johnny tried to be helpful around the house. He'd do the dishes, and help Carol to clean the house. Carol has been working long hours lately, so she needed the help. Looking at Johnny, I've been thinking again and again how could his parents be so mean to him. It's ridiculous.

One day on a Sunday Johnny and I were watching TV in the living room. Carol was still sleeping. She's been working a lot lately, and she decided to sleep-in a little for once. Suddenly, there was loud banging on the door, ringing the doorbell, and then female voice yelled, "Carol, open up, open up…please." Johnny gave me a confused look. I just shrugged. The banging continued. "We should see who it is," I said, getting up. Johnny grabbed his baseball hat and put it on.

As soon as I opened the door, a girl stormed into the room. I recognized the girl from the park, the one that called Johnny a cripple. She was crying. Wow, she can cry, I thought. Last time I saw her, she seemed like an insensitive bitch. She's the reason Johnny refuses to go anywhere, except for Carol's backyard.

As soon as she ran in, she stopped startled to see some strangers at Carol's. I think Johnny was as startled as she was. He recognized her too. After she recovered from her initial shock, she wiped her tears and yelled, "Carol, are you in here?" and then she just walked right in, and went to Carol's room. She could've asked us where Carol was, but I guess that just wasn't her style. She was knocking on Carol's door. Johnny and I just exchanged looks.

"Carol, c'mon it's me - Angie," she was crying pretty hard now. Carol opened the door and came out of the room. Her eyes grew wide,

"Oh, God, Angie what happened? Get in." Before closing the door to her room, Carol stuck her head out so we could see her, and made a gesture with her hand kind of telling us that it's ok.

They've been in Carol's room for about half an hour. We couldn't hear what they were talking about, but from time to time the girl would scream stuff like "But Carol…" or "It's not fair…" Johnny wanted to go to his room, so that when she comes out, he is not there. But then, we decided that it would be even more suspicious that way, than him just staying in the living room.

Before we could totally make up our minds if Johnny should stay in the room or not, Carol and Angie came out. You could see that Carol was feeling a bit awkward. "Angie," she said, motioning towards Johnny, "this is my nephew J…um, Jimmy, and this is his friend Ponyboy. Guys, this is Angie."

"Hi," was all Angie said. She wasn't crying anymore. When she looked at me, her already pink cheeks flashed bright red, and I knew she recognized me, recognized both of us – no not as the kids that were all over the papers 3 months ago, but as the kids that she had insulted in the park about a week ago.

"Hi," I mumbled, and Johnny just nodded his head slightly.

"Well, I better go. Thanks so much Carol." And with that she left.

Both of us were staring at Carol, question in our eyes.

"She' my friend, ..." was all Carol said, and then added, "and well … my patient. The stuff is confidential so don't even ask. I'm gonna go wash up," she said to show us that the conversation about Angie is over, and we should just go back to doing whatever it was we were doing before.


	23. Chapter 23

_Ok, here is another update. Since I promised I'd update faster this time. Two chapters this time. Somewhat transitional though, but leading on to bigger stuff. DieanOutsider and greasertwin your requests about Carol and Darry are in here:)_

_Here we go. Enjoy_

A few weeks past by. Two-Bit has been released from the hospital. He is gonna have to swallow pills for the rest of his life. The doc said most of the damage from the concussion is not permanent, but some of it is. There was a small trial in the civil court and now Matt owes God knows how much money to Jimmy Graham. It's not just for the bike. Jimmy's lawyer stuck other stuff in there, like pain and suffering and some other nonsense. Matt says he ain't gonna pay, but I'm pretty sure he's gonna have to come up with the money one way or another.

The days were getting shorter, and it was getting colder out - it was a week before Thanksgiving. As always, the whole gang would gather at our place. Soda would make the turkey. He makes the best turkey in the world. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, but at the same time it always makes me kind of sad 'cause mom and dad are not around, and you are supposed to be with your family on this day. The gang is my family too, though. But this year Dally is not gonna be there. And Johnny … shoot I wish he'd already told everyone. He should be here with us on Thanksgiving. He can be so stubborn at times.

Soda said he's gonna invite Diana, his new girlfriend, to come over. I guess things are going well between the two of them. That's cool. Soda sure deserves it. I'm gonna ask Maryanne to come over too. I haven't spent much time with her lately, and I could see that bothers her. So I'm gonna make it up to her. I wish I could spend more time with her, but there is only so much time available, and there is always so much stuff that needs to be done. Darry finally had his state exam, so he is not as stressed as before. He did really well on it too. He's been working a lot more since then though. He gets all kinds of contracts and bids from the state now.

I just got off the phone with Maryanne, after inviting her to come over for Thanksgiving. She agreed, and I was pretty happy about it. We had dinner as usual, and then started making plans for Thanksgiving. Soda was saying that he thought of some new way of making the turkey, and that made me a little nervous.

"Maybe you should stick to the recipe you always use," I said. "After all girls are going to be here this year…"

"So? "

"So?" - I cleared my throat as to hint him what I am talking about.

"Are you saying you are embarrassed of my cooking?"

"All I'm saying is - you make great turkey already. Why experiment now if you don't know how it is going to come out. Especially if the girls are gonna be here."

"Well, that IS the point." He said, "It's BECAUSE they are going to be here."

Throughout this entire conversation, Darry was standing across from us, not saying anything, but with a weird expression on his face. Like if he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to start.

"Hey, guys…" he finally said, clearing his throat, "speaking of girls…"

Soda and I stopped talking instantly, and were now staring at Darry.

"I have to tell you something."

"What?" we said almost in unison.

"Pony, I want to invite Carol over for Thanksgiving. Are you ok with that? You too Soda, are you ok with that?"

My jaw just about dropped to the floor. Seeing how neither of us was saying anything Darry continued,

"Well… the thing is … we've been kind of…," he exhaled, "… DATING."

"What?" I yelled, choking on my drink and spilling it all around me. I did not see _that _coming. "You what?" I repeated mechanically even though I heard him just fine the first time around.

"Calm down Pony," Darry said. "See this is why I didn't want to tell you."

"How long?" Is all I was able to manage.

"About a month now," He said somewhat nervously and even embarrassed. "I didn't want to tell you guys 'cause it was too soon. That's all."

"You should've told me," I said.

"I didn't know where it was going. And besides," he added in a much firmer voice, trying to sound and look tough, but failing at it, "Since when I got to report to you who and why I date? I can date whoever the heck I want."

"Why are you getting all worked up, Pony?" Soda said laughing, "Carol's a great chick. Way to go bro," he added smirking at Darry.

"I am NOT getting worked up."

"Yeah, you are."

"No, I'm not. You can totally invite her, Dar," I said, and then not able to keep this up any longer, I went to my room.

I was in a complete and utter shock. When did they even have the time to go out - they both work so much. Then I put it together – Darry has been "working" really long hours lately, and so did Carol. I guess I'm not the only one who has been lying about where I am going all the time. It was kind of funny, but still, I was pretty mad. How come Darry didn't tell me? How come CAROL didn't tell me? I felt kind of betrayed. I didn't want to admit it, but I was madder at Carol than I was at Darry. It's like she pretends to be so friendly and then does something like this behind my back. And then it hit me – oh my God, she told him! She told Darry about Johnny – traitor. Then I felt guilty for thinking that. Maybe she didn't tell him. I mean she promised she would tell absolutely no one. Naw, I'm sure she told him. I mean she's _going out_ with the guy, of course she told him. I felt the urge to call Carol right that second and yell at her. But I couldn't. I couldn't face her now. I couldn't talk to her. I didn't want to speak to her ever again. Plus I didn't want to freak Johnny out. He might overhear Carol talking to me on the phone, and he'd freak out.

A/N I'd like to actually describe HOW Darry and Carol ended up getting together. I think that would be fun to see how Darry had to ask Carol out and all that. But the thing is this story is from Pony's POV, and Pony obviously wouldn't be there when stuff like that happens. That's why I had to do it this way – Darry just telling Pony and Soda about it.


	24. Chapter 24

_I thought some interaction between the guys would be nice. So, that's why I decided to do this conversation at the DX in this chapter. There was a lot of Pony and Johnny lately, but not enough of the other characters:)_

Enjoy

Throughout the next week, I still visited Johnny as usual. I didn't want him to suspect anything. But I was trying to avoid talking to Carol as much as possible. I also tried to see hints in what Carol says or does. I wanted to see something that would let me know if she'd told Darry about Johnny or not. But she acted exactly the same, as before – she's such a good actress. I also wanted to know if Darry had asked her already, but Darry didn't say anything, and neither Soda nor I dared to ask.

On Tuesday before Thanksgiving I was with Johnny as usual. We were watching TV, and all the commercials during the movie had to do with Thanksgiving. One time it was the best place to buy turkey, the other time the cheapest tickets to visit your family, stuff like that. Johnny didn't seem to think much of it, but I was thinking if Carol is gonna come to our place for Thanksgiving, where does that leave Johnny. He ain't gonna stay in an empty house on Thanksgiving. As if on queue Carol walked into the house. She had been grocery shopping.

"Hey guys," she said, and we both nodded. "Hey, Pony," she said, walking into the kitchen to put her groceries down, and trying to sound casual, "Johnny and I are going to have Thanksgiving here. I'm sure you'd want to stay with your brothers, but if you want to come around here first, and stay for a while…" she didn't finish the sentence. I guess the look on my face showed how I felt. "What's wrong?" she said surprised, "why are you both staring at me like this is the first time you see me?"

"I dunno…" Johnny mumbled, looking away, "you don't have to baby-sit me, if you got somewhere to go to. I can just stay here… you too Pony. You don't got to come over…" There was uncomfortable silence. Really uncomfortable. But Carol was a social worker after all, and she knew what to say.

"I don't have to be anywhere, Johnny," she said. "My sister is in Chicago. My parents now live with her. They are not visiting this year."

"I'm sure you got some friends to go to then."

"I've spent Thanksgiving with my friends last year, and I don't want to do the same thing again. That is unless, of course, you have something against Thanksgiving all together." Johnny gave her a long look, like studying her with his eyes, and then said quietly, "no, I don't got nothing against Thanksgiving. Just don't want you to go through all the trouble just for me."

"It's not for you," she said. "It's for me. Hey, my parents are not coming, and I want some company on this day that's all."

Trying to talk to Johnny, she forgot all about me, but all I was thinking is if Darry asked her or not. I mean it was Tuesday already so he must've asked her by now. It was killing me. "I think I'm gonna go," I said, getting up, "I'll see you guys later."

"See you Pony, say hi to …" Johnny said and stopped, realizing he almost said 'say hi to the guys.' He said it out of habit. We always used to say stuff like that.

I just gave him a look, and walked out the door.

I first tried to see if Soda knew anything about Darry asking Carol. So I stopped by the DX before going home. Soda and Steve were both there. It was a slow day for them, so they were happy that I stopped by. "So, what's up?" Soda said, opening a bottle of coke and giving one to me and one to Steve.

"Nothing much," I said. "Hey Steve, you and Evie are coming over for Thanksgiving right?" I just said that to get the conversation going.

"Yep."

"How 'bout you?" I asked Soda.

He looked at me like I was being weird. "I think I'd be at MY OWN house, don't you think?"

"No, I mean your girlfriend is coming over too, right?"

"Oh," he said, "yeah she's coming. Is this about me using the new recipe again? I'm still gonna use it."

"Naw, it aint about that. I'm just wondering that's all. Hey, do you know if Darry asked Carol yet?"

"Oh, THAT'S what it's about, I see." Soda said smirking. "I dunno if he asked her, but I also dunno what you got against that. I thought you liked Carol."

"I got nothing against it, can't even ask a question… Jeez."

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Steve.

"You met Carol right?" Soda said.

"Yeah, I think I've seen her around your house once or twice."

"What do you think of her?

"Looks or personality?"

"Both."

"Looks,…," he made a thoughtful face, "I'd say 9 out of 10. Too small for me, ya know. She's got big boobs though so that kind of balances it out." He chuckled. "Personality? I don't really know about stuff like that. I've been with Evie for God knows how long and I still don't know about her personality."

"Hey," Soda said, "you are talking about my brother's girlfriend here."

Steve looked at _me_, confused. Then he realized Soda was talking about _the other_ brother. "Oh… not bad. It's about time he'd get some action." He said sympathetically. "So how's she between the sheets? Is she a 9 or a 10 after all?"

Soda smacked him across the back of his head, which made him choke on his coke and spit it all out.

"Hey,.." he said rubbing his head.

We talked a little more. It was time to go home, so Soda and Steve closed up, and we hopped into Steve's car.

Soon after Soda and I got home, Darry came in. He seemed in a really bad mood. Usually, when he gets home from work, he takes a shower, then makes dinner. This time he took a shower, then grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down in his chair, flipping through the newspaper. He wasn't really reading it either. He was flipping the pages back and forth, making lots of noise with the sheets.

"Um, … so what's for dinner?" Soda said especially loud, and rubbing the back of his neck – something he usually does when he's confused. Darry looked up at Soda , and said "Um so what's for dinner, bro? Why'd you assume I'm the one to make it? How about YOU fix dinner tonight?"

"Wow, you are in a good mood tonight," Soda mumbled. "Fine I'll fix dinner. It's not like I never done that before."

After dinner Diana called, and Soda was on the phone with her forever. Darry seemed to be in a better mood after he ate, so I decided to just ask him. I couldn't think of any way of going around it. I'll just ask him directly, I thought.

"So, Diana and Maryanne are coming over for Thanksgiving, Dar." I said, trying to sound casual. "Steve is bringing Evie and Two-Bit is probably going to bring Kathy too. Have you asked Carol yet?"

"She ain't coming," he said, not looking up from his newspaper, and saying it like it's no big deal.

Now I could see why he's been in a bad mood. I didn't know what to make out of Carol not coming over.

"How come she's not coming?" I said.

He tried to sound casual - "Said her mom and her sister or something are coming down from Chicago, she's got to stay with them the whole time. Haven't seen them in a few years. It's no big deal," he added and went back to reading the paper. I tried to figure out from the look on his face if there was more to what he was saying. If he knew about Johnny, but he was just reading the paper and there was no way for me to tell.

I went back to my room. So Carol told Johnny her parents are _not _coming and she told Darry they _are_ coming – hm, interesting…


	25. Chapter 25

_Ok here is another chapter. I am really trying to have frequent updates. Thanks so much for reviews, and greasertwin I love Johnnycakes too:) but you already know that don't you? And I'm sorry that the last chapter was a bit short. This one is a little longer._

The next day was in preparations for Thanksgiving. Everyone was in a good mood, except for Darry. He was acting weird, like something was bugging him. That's it – he knows, I thought. I was convinced now that he knows about Johnny. Soda was in the kitchen making the turkey. Annoyed, I came into the kitchen and took a seat at the table.

"So, how's the new recipe working out?" I asked.

"Stop bugging," he said, "It's working out just fine. First Darry, now you too?"

"What ABOUT Darry?" I asked anxiously.

"He's all Mr. Jealousy now – that's what," Soda replied, rolling his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"He thinks that Carol is blowing him off for someone else."

"How'd you know? He told you?"

"He came in here earlier and was acting all annoyed at everything I do, so I asked him what was REALLY bothering him, right?"

"And?"

"And he said that if the thing about Carol's relatives coming over was true, she'd told him earlier. But she said nothing, and only on Tuesday when he asked her, all of the sudden turns out her relatives are coming over. I mean if it was true, it would've come up somewhere in a conversation before that, don't you think? I mean things like that are planned, I mean relatives coming over and stuff."

"So, he thinks there is another guy?" I asked, holding my breath.

"Yep, I kind of think so too, even though I hate to admit it," he said sighing and, I'm sure, remembering Sandy.

I was lost for words. So, she didn't tell Darry about Johnny after all. I was just staring at Soda, not saying anything.

"Hey, what's wrong?" - Soda looked concerned.

"Nothing."

"Hey, since you go to Carol to those, you know… therapy sessions," he cleared his throat, "maybe you know if…"

"What?" I said almost scared.

"If there IS another guy? Have you seen her with someone?"

"No, no I don't know anything, I don't know anything," I said getting up and leaving the kitchen.

"Pony, I thought you are setting up the table," Darry yelled from the living room.

I dragged myself to the living room and started setting the table.

A few hours before dinner, everything was ready. Soda himself carried the turkey into the living room and placed it in the center of the table. It was huge. It did smell a little different than usual – like he put some unusual spices in it. I was going to cut a small piece so I could see how it tastes, but before I could do anything Soda said, "Don't even think about it. You can't do that ' cause it won't look nice then."

"How can you serve something that you haven't tried first? What if it's bad?"

"It's not like you got another one to serve anyway," he said.

"What are you two nagging about?" Darry "barked", coming up to the table. "Here," – he cut off a small piece on the side, where no one would notice, and took a bite. "It's good," he "barked" in the same annoyed voice, putting, almost throwing it back on the plate.

I was getting mad, and I was going to tell him off. I wanted to tell him that if he was gonna be in such mood, we may as well cancel dinner, but right when I opened up my mouth, Soda grabbed my arm, looked at me with huge wide open eyes and whispered, "Not now Pony, please. If you say something now it's gonna be a fight and Thanksgiving will be ruined."

"Ok, I get it." I said, taking out my arm of his grip.

"Thank you," he whispered back. Soda then picked up the piece of turkey that Darry left, and threw it out. I guess Soda was really looking forward to Diana coming over, and he didn't want anything to go wrong.

"Hey, I'm sure the turkey is fine. I was just teasing." I said.

"I know," he answered grinning.

"I am going to pick up Maryanne," I announced a few minutes later, and headed for the door.

"Isn't it a little too early?" Soda asked.

"I'll hang out with her for a while, before coming over," I said, but of course, I was going over to Carol's.

Darry just glared at me. I don't even know why. No, I mean I REALLY don't know why.

When I got to Carol's I was really surprised to see Johnny open the door. He was wearing an apron. I guess he got into Thanksgiving spirit after all. That's what's good about Carol. She can get anyone to loosen up. Whatever their problems or issues are. She sure helped me a lot back then. I thought I was never going to go back to normal. I was convinced that I would go crazy just like everyone said I would. And now she SOMEHOW managed to get Johnny into Thanksgiving spirit. I guess she got to Darry too, huh? All of the sudden I was overcome by guilt. The way I was mad at Carol for the past week, and the way I just ASSUMED that she told Darry about Johnny.

"Hey," Johnny said, smiling somewhat embarrassed.

"Hi," I said, smiling widely in spite of myself. "It smells delicious."

"It's not a big deal," Johnny said reddening, and taking the apron off.

Carol came out of the room – "Hi, Pony I'm glad you could stop by."

'How come you didn't tell me you like Darry?' I wanted to say, but of course I didn't say it.

The table was full of food, even though it was just for the two of them. Besides turkey and mashed potatoes there were all kinds of casseroles and salads and different appetizers that I don't even know _what _they are. It was all nicely decorated and set on the table too. So different from the way we do it. "C'mon guys dig in," Carol said, "I know it's a lot of food for just 2 people, but gave us something to do. And besides we were counting on you, Pony, so you better eat" she added smiling.

"Sorry, guys I didn't bring anything," I said feeling stupid. There was so much food, yet I wish I'd brought something.

"I think this will be more than enough," Johnny said, smiling.

Carol seemed really happy today. She smiled all the time. She was wearing a dress. Not a dressy dress, but they type you'd wear to a small gathering of friends or something. She wore her brown hair down, and the lights were giving it golden shades. I could see why Darry liked her. Then I remembered what Steve said the other day, and I felt my ears get red.

The food was delicious. No matter how good Soda's turkey was, it's different when a girl cooks it. This didn't feel awkward like I thought it would. We were just talking, the TV was on, but we weren't really watching. It was just adding to the noise. I find that always works well on holidays when there is lots of people in the room. If you leave the TV on and it just adds to the noise, and even though no one is really watching it, but it somehow makes the whole feel in the room better.

"Well, are you guys drinking tea or coffee? I'm going to bring out the pie," Carol asked. To my surprise she also took out a bottle of wine and 3 wineglasses, and pored some wine in each.

She raised her glass, and I felt a little nervous, 'cause I thought she was going to say something Thanksgiving-like. Something about family and stuff and that sure is going to make Johnny upset. "Well, I'm thankful for such a nice company on this day." She said winking at me and Johnny. By the look on Johnny's face I knew that he knew what she was trying to do, but he still gave her a small smile. I guess it still felt nice if someone wanted your company. Then his face got serious, and he was looking into his glass, not daring to raise his eyes to look up. remember those, who couldn't be here with us," he said in a really low voice, and with that, we all drank our wine. Johnny's toast would go much better with a shot of Vodka or something, but I doubt Carol would let us have that. So we had to be content with wine.

We had pie. It was delicious just like everything else. I was drinking tea, and Johnny and Carol were drinking coffee. Carol's a big coffee drinker, and I guess now she's got Johnny into it too 'cause he sure never been much into coffee before. Johnny seemed relaxed and not tense at all. This truly was _the_ first time I've seen him like that. Usually when he got to our Thanksgiving every year, he was already all tensed up, because of the hard time his parents gave him before he would leave for our place. A couple of years he even showed up beaten. His parents were a constant reminder of how _not_ normal his family is. This year, that reminder was not there.

I found myself not wanting to leave, but I had to go. Only then I noticed a hint of sadness in Johnny's look, even if he tried not to show it. When I was by the door, Carol came up to me. "Thanks for stopping by," she said. "If I'm lucky I'll be able to get Johnny to go out tonight,"she added, "To the shore. There's gonna be some concert or something - 'cause of Thanksgiving, you know." She said that in a really low voice, so Johnny couldn't hear her. Then she gave me a hug.

'How come you didn't tell me you like Darry?' I wanted to say again, but of course I did NOT say it.


	26. Chapter 26

_Ok I got some extra time on my hands so I figured I'll just update today 'cause I don't think I'd be able to do it any time next week. Thanks so much for all your reviews. Greasertwin you ALWAYS know where I'm going with stuff even at the beginning chapters you always knew so I'm pretty sure you are right this time too:)_

_Die and Outsider I was on a diet too. Then I figured maybe if I don't eat anything at all, but I'll have ice-cream and chocolate I'll be eating the same amount of calories, but it didn't work:)_

_Seductivemessiah Thanks so much for review and for adding my story to your alerts list_

_Halogurl10 Thanks for reviewing. And no you did not miss anything. You are absolutely right Soda was not told about Pony going to therapy. I thought of putting in a paragraph where they tell him about it, but then I thought it would make the chapter too dragging on with details. So here is my take on it. In one of the early chapters Pony passed out on the street by his old church. He then called Carol, and Carol was the one to tell his brothers and she also helped them to get Pony home. She stayed with all three of them at the Curtis house until Pony got better, and she was telling all three of them what to do next so Pony can recover from this. So, after that Soda must've got the idea/ or have been told of what's going on. So even thought I never mentioned it directly, it's kind of implied. At least that's my take on it:) Thanks again, and yes it would be interesting if Maryanne showed up at the Curtis' house before Pony did. I haven't thought of that :)_

_Well here is chapter 26, enjoy!_

On my way back I kept thinking about Johnny and why everything has to be so confusing. Why can't Johnny just tell Darry and the rest of the gang? Why couldn't Darry and Carol just tell us that they were going out? We could've worked something out. But I guess, that's just not how things work.

When I got to Maryanne's she was already outside, by the door. She looked really good. I mean she always looks good, but still. She was wearing a silk beige top, not too dressy, but really nice. And a black skirt. Her hair was down. And she did something different to it. I can't exactly figure out what, but it looked different. I think it had something to do with her bangs. Maybe we don't have to go anywhere, I thought. Maybe I can just stay here with her, and we can make out. I don't really want to go home and bring her to Darry "barking" orders left and right. She's a little intimidated by him as it is.

"Ponyboy...?" I heard Maryanne say. I guess I was staring.

"Yeah..., sorry...," I managed, and she started laughing. She has a nice laugh.

I walked through the gate, and not even saying anything started kissing her on the neck.

"Ponyboy!? What is the matter with you?" She half-yelled, giggling, and being upset with me, but not really. "You are going to make me drop my food," she added, getting out of my embrace. She was holding two small containers. I was going to ask her what she had made, but as I was going to speak, I heard someone, somewhere _above _me clear his throat really loudly. We both looked up, and saw Matt sticking his head out of the window, and making **excessive** throat clearing sounds, while making huge eyes at me. "You two, no monkey business," he said, "... hm, at least not here."

"Maaatt!" Maryanne yelled, her face turning red. I couldn't help it, but chuckle. Matt's a good guy after all.

When we got to our place, everyone was already there, except for Two-bit. And he showed up soon too. Kathy was with him.

While everyone was greeting each other, I came up to Soda to ask him if Darry was in a better mood by now.

"Nope," Soda said, rolling his eyes.

"Nope, What?" - Steve appeared next to my brother.

"Nope, Steve ain't gonna be bugging me today," I said, smirking.

"Wise ass," Steve teased.

Finally, everybody took their places at the table. Each couple sat together, and then Darry by himself at the head of the table. He looked like the odd one out. The table was set nicely, but not as nicely as at Carol's. Everyone brought some food, so there was plenty.

The girls already knew each other from the times they came over to watch us play football a few times and from the time Two-Bit raced Jimmy Graham. So everyone was talking and feeling pretty comfortable with each other. Everybody, but Darry that is. He was clearly not himself today. Thank God for Two-Bit. He kept cracking jokes, and kept everyone entertained. I guess the concussion didn't effect _that_ part of his brain. He did seem a bit disoriented at times though, and he wasn't drinking as much as usual, 'cause the doc said, he shouldn't be drinking at all. Darry, on the other hand, doesn't usually drink much, but this time he was drinking quite a bit. I wouldn't say he was getting drunk or anything, but he got a few drinks too many.

"So," Evie, who was the least intimidated by Darry, out of the 4 girls (she _was_ dating Steve after all), said suddenly, "Darry, look at all of us. We all got our, um, significant other over here, When is YOUR big wedding?" She said that in a funny voice, clearly just joking. Darry was caught off guard by that, and for a second I felt a little nervous. But he just smiled, kind of bitterly, actually, and said, "Seeing how all of you are, makes realize how** lucky** I'm that I'm single. I ain't ever getting married, thank you very much." He meant it to be kind of half-joking and stuff, but it came out pretty awkward, and I saw Diana shoot a confused look at Soda. Soda's face reddened a little bit, but he didn't say anything.

"Woah, that was rude..." Evie noticed, and Steve nudged her on the elbow so she would shut up.

"What?" she said annoyed, but dropped the subject.

There was uncomfortable silence, and Soda brought out the desert to change up the mood in the room. We finished it almost entirely in silence. Soda said a small toast, thanking God for stuff we had, and remembering our parents. We are not too much into mushy stuff, but we still say stuff like that. We think it's important. I mean if you don't go overboard with it, of course. Then Steve wanted to say something about Dally and Johnny, but he wasn't good with words. So he said, "Hey Pony, you say something. You are the smart one and you always got your nose stuck in a book. So you should be good at this." I felt hot the very instance he said that. To say 'no'- it's gonna look like I don't care about my friends. To say 'yes' means I'm gonna have to talk about Johnny as if he's dead. Maryanne was looking at me, and her big brown eyes were shining with expectation that I'm going to get up and say something really nice about my friends. I felt glued to my chair.

Darry was now looking at me intensely. "C'mon Steve," he said, "He's still not completely over it. I'll do the talking."

"Sure, Dar as long as it's not me," Steve replied.

"Well," Darry said, "I don't need to say here that these two were not only our friends. They were like family. Dally - what can I say about him? Why did he have to be so stupid and stubborn? It didn't have to happen like it did. I wish I met him before he got into that stupid grocery store. I would beat the sense into him. And Johnny, ...Gosh," he stopped talking, trying to come up with the right words. "That kid sure deserved a break, and I dunno why he never got it. Well, One thing I do know - we will always remember them. That's all we can do now." And with that he got back to his seat, not looking up at anyone, kind of embarrassed. "It's all right, Darry" Soda put his hand across Darry's shoulder.

A little later, Maryanne and I went outside for a while. To get some air, and to talk. We haven't been spending that much time together lately. When we came back into the room, the lights were dimmed. Steve and Evie were cuddling on the couch, while Soda and Diana were sitting in front of TV, pretending to be watching it, while it was so obvious what they would rather be doing. To tell you the truth, I'd rather be doing that too at that moment. Kathy and Two-Bit were still sitting at the table, arguing about something. Not too great of a party this year, I thought.

"Hey, where is Darry?", I asked Soda. I didn't think that Darry would be _that _rude as to actually go and stay in his room, when we still had people over, even if he had been in a super bad mood.

"Oh, he left, said he'd be back in about half an hour," Soda said casually, and motioning with his eyes for me to leave him and Diana alone. For some reason I did not like the sound of that.

"Where'd he go?" I asked.

"Don't know. Said he forgot about something really important, and he needs to take care of it."

"Now?"

"Yes, now! And you know what? The way, he'd been acting today, I think it's better that he's gone, even if only for a little while."

Now Maryanne was giving me a confused look. Similar to the one Diana was giving Soda earlier.

"Maryanne, we need to talk," I said, grabbing her arm, and leading her outside. But before we were out the door, the phone rang. Two-Bit grabbed it.

"Hey, Pony it's for you. It's Darry. Is everything all right?" I felt my heart beat faster.

"Hello?"

Darry was mad. He was breathing heavily and he was not making any sense when he talked. He was just throwing words and phrases at me. Not putting them together.

"Pony, you little... " He wanted to curse me out, but controlled himself. "I guess it is true," he kept yelling, "you did fall out of the stroller when you were little, and you must've hit your head really bad. What a hell is wrong with you? Ha? You know all your books and homework, but when it comes to life stuff you know nothing at all. You get your ass here immediately! Immediately!" He screamed. And then he hung up.

Get my ass where? Where _exactly _am I supposed to get my ass to? I thought. And then it hit me. There was some female voice in the background when Darry was yelling at me. Shit... he's at Carol's.

Everyone in the room was staring at me, with their eyes as huge and round as a quarter. "What is it, Pony?" Soda almost whispered. And Steve and Two Bit exchanged confused looks. After what happened with Dally, everyone was prepared for the worst. I was frantically looking for the right words. How, how can I explain to them what's going on. What am I supposed to say?

"Guys," I finally said. "I'm really really sorry that the party is kind of lousy this year."

"It ain't that bad, Pony," Two Bit offered, "now, what's up with Darry? Is he in trouble?"

"No, yeah, yeah." I said. "He is in trouble. Now, I'm sorry, but I can't really tell you right now. He wants me to meet him. So, I'm gonna have to leave. I'm sorry Maryanne," I said looking at her.

"It's ok," she replied. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"Yeah, if there is anything we can do..." Steve and Evie said.

"Not really, but Evie, do you guys mind dropping Maryanne off on your way back?"

"Sure, we'll dropp you off, sweetie," Evie said to Maryanne.

"Pony what is it?" Soda said, pulling me aside. "Can you at least tell _me_?"

"No, no I can't tell anyone. This is really stupid, and I can't even tell anyone." I yelled and walked out the door.


	27. Chapter 27

_Ok here is another update! Sorry it took a while, and thanks for all of your reviews!_

When I got to Carol's, I was out of breath from running. Carol was standing on the front porch, in the corner. Tears were coming down her face. Darry was walking back and froth past her and saying something to her abruptly. I couldn't hear what exactly he was saying though. As I approached them, Carol said softly through her tears, "Ponyboy, this is not really a good time. I don't think you should be here now."

"No, no that's where you are wrong." Darry said abruptly, "he _should _be here so he could explain himself." Darry's face was as red as a lobster, and the vein on the side of his forehead was pulsing, which happens when he gets really angry.

"How?" he yelled. "How could you do _that_? What kind of a sick prank is that?" He was trying to light up a cigarette, but his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn't do it.

"It wasn't a prank, Darry" I tried to say.

"No? What was it then? Just like 5 minutes ago I was saying all this nice stuff about Dally and Johnny. And you were there, you were right there. You heard every word of it…" he trailed off.

"Darry, please …" Carol tried to say, but he only glared at her.

"And you know what?" He continued bitterly, "I wish Johnny _was _dead." At that Carol gasped. "Yeah, you heard me. At least that way I could still respect him. He'd be dead, but loved and respected forever. This way, he's alive, but he's dead _to me_."

"Then I'm dead to you too," I yelled, 'cause I couldn't take it anymore.

"You got _that_ right," he yelled back. "You can stay here, with your little conspiracy friends and don't show your shameful face at home." And with that he started walking towards his truck.

"You can walk away all you want," Carol yelled at him, "but you are NOT reporting Johnny to the police or to social services or to anyone else, you hear me?" But he didn't even turn around, when she said that.

"Darry wait," I heard a low voice from behind me. It was Johnny.

"Wait Darry don't yell at Pony. It ain't his fault. I made him swear not to tell anyone. It's really all my fault. You can hate me, but don't be mad at Pony… please. And Carol… she was just trying to help." Darry slowly turned around and looked at Johnnycake. Johnny tried not to cry, but his voice was shaking something awful. Darry's face changed from angry to sad.

"You can tell all the guys if you want to," Johnny added.

"No way," Darry yelled, getting angry again. "You tell them _yourself_. You messed this up. Now _you _tell them. Look them in the eyes and tell them that you've been messing with them for 3 months, and would be still messing with them, if I haven't found you here today. And you?" - He looked at Carol with such a disappointment, "I don't even know what to say…" With that he got into his truck, slamming the door and drove off.

Johnny was shaking. "C'mon Johnny," I said, "who needs him. I've got an idiot for a brother. It's too bad we didn't run away that last time. He doesn't want me there. I ain't coming back there. He got his wish."

"C'mon Pony," Carol said. "He's just mad that's all. He'll cool off later on. I'm so sorry, Johnny," she added. I guess no one is going to that concert in the park after all, I thought.

When we got inside, Carol and Johnny told me what had happened. Apparently, since Darry was convinced that Carol was seeing another guy, he decided to check for himself. He knew Carol's address, it came up in a few conversations they had before. When he got there, he knocked on the door and everything. I mean, he would just walked in, but unlike us, Carol actually always locks her doors so he _had to_ knock. Anyway, he knocked on the door, and Carol looked outside the window and saw it was him. She told Johnny, and he got out through the backdoor and into the backyard.

But when Darry walked in, and saw Carol sitting all alone by the table full of food, he, of course, got even more convinced that there was another guy. Carol tried to lie that her relatives were here, but they went out for a walk or something. That was a lame lie though, and, of course, Darry didn't believe her. He realized that "the guy" must've left through the backdoor, but he wanted to see if this guy left anything behind in a hurry. So, Darry started checking out the all the other rooms to see if there is any evidence. He even checked in the shower. Kind of pathetic, actually. When he got to Johnny's room, he found a few men's shirts on the bed and a leather belt. That's when he lost it. He started yelling at Carol, accusing her of things. The screaming was getting really loud and ugly, and that's when Johnny, who was still in the backyard, couldn't take it anymore and just came into the house. Almost giving Darry a heart attack.

That night we all stayed up. Carol was in her room, but I know she wasn't sleeping. Johnny and I were in Johnny's room. Johnny wasn't talking much. He was just sad. I was a nervous wreck. I wanted to smoke so badly, but I didn't. I quit. Johnny quit because of his lungs. If he can do it I can too. Funny thing Johnny looks up so much to Dally, and I kind of look up to Johnny now. He is really a strong person even if he doesn't think so. He's been through a lot. Not smoking is the least I can do. And besides those cigarettes messed me up pretty badly. I'm not nearly as good at track as I used to be. Not nearly as good.


	28. Chapter 28

_Ok here is another chapter. Thanks for all the reviews._

_Christiangreasergirl __thanks for all of your reviews. I enjoyed reading them. I do that a lot too:)__ If I like a story that has a lot of chapters, I'd read them all at once and review every single chapter:)_

_Seductivemessiah first off thanks for your review and yeah I guess Darry might've came across a little ooc. I thought he wasn't upset over Johnny being alive, but over Johnny and Pony not telling the gang. And he was drinking and upset over Carol blowing him off. And I know Pony tried to tell Darry before, but Darry didn't believe him. But I thought that was so like Darry. First he doesn't listen, then he's mad:)_

_Die an Outsider, yeah finally! And read this chapter to find out:)_

_Greasertwin, What would I do without you:)_

_Here we go. Enjoy:)_

Finally when it was almost morning, I started to drift off into sleep. When I woke up, I saw Johnny sitting on the edge of his bed. Carol made the bed for me on the couch, but I naturally wanted to stay in the same room as Johnny. So I ended up sleeping on the floor in his room, on a pile of clothes, covered with an extra blanket that Johnny had. Anyway, now he was sitting on the edge of his bed, fully dressed. He was wearing his **old** clothes. His old jean jacket and even his old baseball hat.

"I got to tell the guys," he said. He sounded scared. Like he was scared to face the guys. He was scared that they would be as mad at him as Darry.

"I should've listened to you Pone," he continued. "You told me that it's not fair to the guys, but I never listened. And now I messed it up for all of you. I've messed it up for Carol 'cause she likes Darry, and I've messed it up for you, when you finally started getting along with him, and that's just ain't right. I've messed it up for the guys too. I was just scared you know," he said, "… that my parents may find out, that I would go to jail.

I was kind of relieved that he wanted to tell the guys, and this can finally be over. But at the same time I was scared. I was scared for him. At the moment though, I was so mad at Darry that I didn't even want to go back at all. I just wanted to stay here with Johnny and Carol and forget about all of them. "Are you sure Johnnycakes?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, "I've been thinkin' 'bout it all night."

"Ok theeen," I said hesitantly, running my fingers through my hair, which was all messy after the night. "How come you wearing your old clothes?" I snapped in spite of myself. "Do you think they won't be mad at you if you are wearing your old stuff and not the stuff Carol got you?"

"N…no." He said sheepishly.

"Well, then change to some normal clothes for God's sakes." I could be cranky in the mornings sometimes.

He only glared at me in response. "I know it don't matter if I wear this, but I am not gonna change now that I'm dressed already."

"Fine, let's go then." I snapped again. And then apologized right away. "Sorry, Johnny I don't mean to yell at you. Its just I don't want to go back to Darry is all. Don't be mad Ok?"

"I ain't mad at you Pony," he replied. "I'm gonna straighten it all out with Darry. You'll see. You two just started getting along…" he trailed off.

When we got out of the room, Carol was in the kitchen, making coffee.

"Hi," she said, just glancing at us, and then giving Johnny a second glance, full of confusion, - "What's the matter?"

"What? Oh, this?" – he pointed at his clothes. "Carol, if you don't mind... I'd like to tell the rest of the guys," Johnny said, and then added "I don't have to tell them _about you_. Just that I'm …um, not dead. It's not fair to them, you know." And then, he added in a lower voice, "then you and Darry can be talking to each other again, and Pony and Darry can get along."

"I don't want to get along with _him_," I said sarcastically, "and I'm sure Carol can do much better than _him_, anyway." Carol's eyebrows went all the way up as I said that, but then she smiled.

"Do you want some coffee before you go?" was all she said.

Johnny and I looked at each other, confused. That's all she is going to say? I thought. She's going to ask us if we want some coffee?

"Yeah," Johnny said, "I'm kind of sleepy."

"Me too," I said, and we took our seats at the table. Carol pored coffee in our cups as well as into hers. We were drinking it in silence.

"You are doing the right thing," Carol finally said in between the sips. And Johnny just looked deep into his cup. Something was definitely bugging him, but he wouldn't say what it was.

"Hey, Johnny?" Carol said, and he looked up at her. "You can still keep living here after you tell them, you know that, right?"

He was staring at her, mixed expression of fear and guilt on his face.

"Right?" She repeated louder and somewhat frustrated.

"Yeah, I know," he nodded. "But then … then..."

"What?"

"Then if they accidentally tell someone you can lose your job." So, that's what was bothering him. It was actually kind of bothering me too.

"I'm sure they are not gonna tell anyone. I've met these guys, they can keep their mouths shut when they really need to. And anyway, that's the risk I'm willing to take. You are not thinking of going back to living at the cemetery are you?"

By the look on Johnny's face I could see that this is **exactly** what he was thinking, and that is why he put his old clothes on. We should've thrown it out, I thought. But now seeing how upset that would make Carol, he didn't have the heart to go through with going back to the cemetery.

"No," he mumbled, "I ain't thinking 'bout that."

"Good, you had me scared for a second," Carol exhaled.

We were ready to leave." Call me as soon as you can, ok Pony?" Carol asked as we were leaving.

"Ok," I nodded.

On the way to my place I was feeling uneasy. I have been waiting for Johnny to tell the guys all along. But I definitely didn't want it to happen _this_ way. I was worried that the guys wouldn't understand. I didn't want them to be mad at Johnny. I mean, it took **me** a while to get why he did what he did, so they probably won't get it right away either. I also didn't want to see Darry. I had no patience for him anymore. I mean I tried to work it out with him. I really really tried. But he is impossible. He is just impossible to deal with. And the way he treated Carol yesterday. That was pretty ridiculous.

When we reached the house, I suddenly felt I didn't want to go in at all. Johnny looked like he was being taken to the electric chair.

"Wait here," I said to Johnny, before entering the house. I'll go in and prepare them.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, who knows what their reaction would be if you just walk in."

"Ok then," he nodded with finality. "You think Darry told 'em?" He asked.

"Don't know Johnnycakes, lemme just get inside and see, ok?" I felt kind of antsy. Wanting to get it over with.

I walked in, expecting to see everyone there, 'cause that's where they usually would be if it was a holiday or a day off. It was awfully quiet inside. "Anybody home?" I yelled, making my way towards Soda's room.

"Ponyboy?" He ran out yelling and staring at me as if something was awfully wrong.

"What...?" I asked self-conscious. "Where is everybody?"

He looked at me kind of guilty, and I felt that whatever he was about to say wasn't good.

"What is it Soda? You are scaring me."

"It's Darry."

"Darry...?"

"Um, yeah. Pony, Darry got into a car accident last night." His voice got a little shaky, "he's in the hospital right now."

"What?!" I couldn't believe it! I forgot all about how I didn't want to ever see him again. I felt my knees starting to shake slightly and my legs kind of bending. I plopped myself on the couch.

"Yeah, the cops called us last night, told us..." Soda continued. "We stayed at the hospital, then the guys went home, but I stayed the whole night over there. I just got home about half an hour ago. We were going to go look for you too, or even call the cops to start a search 'n stuff. But Darry said not to. He was delirious, so I didn't know what to make of it, but I figured I'd wait a little. But I was about to call the cops to start a search for you just now before you walked in."

I was getting a headache and my thoughts were starting to race. I wanted to get the details about Darry, but I also felt like Johnny must be "dying" outside, trying to guess what's taking me so long, and why I still haven't come out to get him.

"How...how bad did he get hurt?" Was all I could manage to say. My own voice sounded funny to me. Like I couldn't believe this was happening.

"He ... he hurt his head. Was unconscious, then delirious. He was asleep this morning when I left."

"What did the doctors say?"

"He should be ok," Soda said, almost whispering, and hardly moving his lips. It didn't look like he was all that sure that Darry was gonna be ok. He was pacing back and forth while telling me all this. Then he came up to the kitchen counter and got himself a glass of water.

"How did it happen?" I asked, torn apart between going to get Johnny and finding out what had happened.

"He... he was upset, and he'd been drinking before so..." Soda paused recollecting his thoughts, "he was driving way over the speed limit. He lost control of the steering wheel just for a second, and got out onto the opposite lane. Just a little bit, you know. But the bus was coming out from around the corner. He couldn't see the bus from where he was. When the bus came out from around the corner and Darry saw it, it was too late already. He drove right into it."

I found myself staring at Soda with eyes wide open. I could not believe this.

"Were... there people on the bus?" I asked, worried that the answer might be 'yes'.

"Naw, it was only the driver. He was going back at the end of his shift."

"Is he hurt?"

"He's in the hospital too, but he didn't get hurt as bad as Darry did."

The thoughts were mixing in my head, and I couldn't bring myself to start talking about Johnny, but I knew I had to. Maybe we should just go back to Carol's, I thought. Maybe this is not the best time for this.

"You know," Soda said before I could make up my mind, "When Darry was delirious he kept saying stuff, stuff about you and Carol and Dally and Johnnycakes that he's..." Soda swallowed, and looked clearly uncomfortable saying this, "that he's ... that he's alive. We told him to calm down, but he kept insisting. Told us Johnny _is_ alive and then kept repeating, 'but its a good thing, its not a bad thing at all.' Whatever it is that happened yesterday - why Darry left and why he called you on the phone. Just tell me what it is, Pony. I know you said you are not supposed to tell me. But just tell me. Just tell me Ponyboy." He was looking me right in the eyes - this firm and even kind of demanding look on his face.

At that moment, when Sod said this, something just happened, and I couldn't listen to any of this any longer. I needed to get it out of my system, to just spit it out.

"Um, about that," I started nervously, and Soda looked at me funny. "See Soda, don't get mad or anything, but Johnny _is_ alive."

"What?" He raised his eyebrows, kind of giggling nervously, and looked at me like I needed to get my head checked. Then he stopped across from me, completely dumfounded, and was just standing there, staring.

I wanted to say something, explain it to him, but my nerves and impatience got the best of me. The news about Darry threw me off my balance, and I wasn't able to act the way I'd initially planned. In one leap I was by the door, and opened it, letting Johnny in. 'Wasn't I supposed to prepare Soda for the news?' the thought raced through my mind, while I was opening the door. But it was too late by then. Johnny came in and took off his hat.

For a second Soda looked sick. He froze, and his face got pale. He dropped the glass he was drinking from and it broke into millions pieces. But no one even moved as the glass broke against the hardwood floor. I thought Soda was going to pass out. He waved his arms as if trying to sustain his balance, and then silent tears just streamed down his face. The overall look on his face was shock and disbelief. Like he truly was seeing a ghost or something. His lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. Johnny was glancing nervously at Soda then at me, then at the floor. He started to say something, clearing his throat, but Soda didn't let him finish. He ran up to him, almost shoving me to the side on his way, and hugged him in the tightest bear hug I've seen in my entire life. I was now standing behind Johnny so I couldn't see his face, but I could see Soda's face instead. His eyes were closed and silent tears were running down his face. His whole body was shaking. "I am sooo soorry Soda," Johnny mumbled, but Soda only hugged him tighter, and didn't say anything.

After a minute or two he released Johnny from his embrace, and still unable to speak, just made this gesture with his hand that he'd be outside. He went outside and I looked at Johnny. His face was wet from his and Soda's tears. I came up to the window and saw Soda sitting on the front porch, covering his eyes with his palms to stop the tears. His body was kind of rocking back and forth - kind of like you would rock a baby in his cradle.

My mind went blank. There was not a single thought in it. It was empty inside. I tried to think really hard, but couldn't think of anything to say or do. Johnny looked so guilty, like he just committed another murder. He stood there in confusion, and then carefully, almost tiptoeing came up to the door, and went out. I could see through the window how he came up to Soda, and silently sat down next to him.

Soda is not mad I thought, but we haven't really told him anything yet. Who knows how he's going to react later on. I felt kind of nauseous. Maybe I'm the one that's going to pass out I thought. But I tried to get myself together as much as I could and came outside, sitting down next to Soda on the other side. He put his arm around my shoulder and his other arm around Johnny's. A little later he got up, saying, "I'm sorry. I just need some time... to calm down." With that he went back inside.

"Soda..." I tried to stop him.

"A little later ok Pony?" He said, and added, "please?" His voice was shaky, and his steps were unsteady, but he managed to get to the door of his room.

Johnny looked miserable.

"That didn't go too bad," I tried to comfort him, but he only shrugged and sighed heavily in response.

"We got to get all of them at once," Johnny said. "So I can tell them right away. I couldn't stand telling it again and again to each of them separately." He said that not looking at me, but staring down at the mud in front of the porch. "You dig?"

I nodded.

"Where are all of them anyway? Where's Darry?"

I guess I didn't answer for a little longer than I normally would, cause Johnny looked at me suspiciously and repeated, "Pony, where is Darry?"

I wanted to come up with a really good lie, but nothing came to mind at the moment. "He got into a car crash last night, but it has nothing to do with you, Johnny," I finally said, knowing that he would blame himself for this. "He was drinking before, and he lost control of the steering wheel. The doc. said he didn't get hurt that bad." It was really hard for me to say that, 'cause I was so worried about Darry, but I sure didn't want Johnny to blame himself for this.

The door opened and Soda came out of the house - his hair wet and dripping on the floor. He must've taken a shower to calm down, I thought.

He sat down next to Johnny and smiled. "It's great, Johnnycakes, it's just great," he smiled again, putting his arm around Johnny's shoulder, and messing up his hair. He didn't look sick or in a state of shock anymore. He looked peaceful and content. He wasn't asking any questions. He was just genuinely happy that Johnny was alive.

"So Darry knew?" Soda asked a little later, and we both nodded.

"How come he knew?" Soda asked again. I was going to answer, but before I got a chance to Johnny said, "wait Pony," and got out from under Soda's arm. "I've messed it up," he said standing up, "so I'm the one to tell him... I've..." he took a deep breath, collecting all his courage. "I've got to tell you something, - why... why I was away for all this time, and how come I didn't tell ya all guys before. I know I screwed up, and I'm sorry for it Soda. I really am. Now can you call Steve and Two-bit to come over and I'll tell all of you at once." He said it all in one breath, and then exhaled heavily after.

"Ok," - Soda looked uneasy. "I'll call the guys, but you don't' have to apologize for nothing, Johnny." He said softly. "I'm sure you had a good reason to do what you did."

"You are not mad?" Johnny asked, stunned.

"How, can I be mad?" Soda almost yelled. "My **buddy** just came back from the dead, and I'm going to be mad?" He laughed, kind of nervously. I guess, the shock wasn't completely over.

He went inside to call the guys, and Johnny was just standing there, on the porch, looking confused and amazed that Soda wasn't' mad at him.

_A/N so this came out kind of long, but It's kind of a big deal Johnny coming back and everything :) I tried to get Soda's emotions as much as I could. I just imagined what I would do if someone I believed to be dead showed up at my door:) We'll see in the next chapter how the rest of them react._


	29. Chapter 29

_Ok here is the next chapter. Thanks for all of your reviews. They make me want to write more._

I breathed out in relief. I know Two-Bit is not gonna be mad. He never is. Steve may get a bit aggressive at times, but Soda can always get a hold of Steve, when he gets out of control.

"Ok, I told them," Soda said coming back. "Two-Bit is gonna get Steve so they should be here real soon. I... didn't tell them, Johnny, just told them that its' really important, 'cause... I know you said you should tell them yourself. And I didn't know how to say something like _that_ over the phone anyway," he smiled awkwardly.

Johnny nodded, agreeing that Soda did the right thing.

It started raining, and we went inside. In about 15 minutes we finally heard the car approaching, and then we saw through the window Steve and Two-Bit getting out of the car and running to the door, not wanting to get wet. Two-Bit must've been drinking again. He was running in zigzags, and he was still clutching his beer bottle in his hand.

I took a quick glance at Johnny. He was pale, and his body was visibly tensed up. I think he was even shaking slightly. You could just see he was gathering his thoughts, preparing for what he was going to say.

"Go to Soda's room. I'll tell them first," I quickly nudged Johnny in the ribs.

Johnny gave me a look, as if saying 'is that really necessary?' But the guys were about to enter the house, and he quickly got into Soda's room.

"Hi," Steve and Two-Bit said, and then looked at me, question in their eyes. I guess they wanted to know where I've been last night, but didn't want to ask. Steve looked tired. "So, what's the word about Darry?" He asked Soda, pulling up a chair, turning it backwards and sitting down, across from Soda.

"It's not about Darry," I said, feeling again that my voice is sounding funny to me.

"Huh?" Steve said confused.

Oh Gosh, I didn't know how to start. Soda was glancing at me and at the guys nervously.

"Um, hey guys," I finally said. "Please don't freak out, but I got something to tell you. Something that at first is gonna sound really crazy... "I paused.

Two-Bit and Steve exchanged looks.

"What's he talking about ?"Steve asked Soda, and that pissed me off a little. I am right there so he could've asked _me_. But instead he's asking Soda.

"C'mon just tell them, Pony," Soda said softly, ignoring Steve's question.

"Ok," I said, trying to get a hold of myself. "Promise you won't freak out or get mad at Johnny." At the mention of Johnny they looked very nervous, and exchanged looks again.

"The thing is," I continued, "Johnny Cade is alive! He did not die 3 months ago like we all thought he did. He had to hide out until now. Last night Darry found out about Johnny, and now Johnny wants to tell you guys what happened. And he really doesn't' want you to be mad at him. Oh yeah, and I... I knew about it all along, and didn't tell you. So if you are gonna be mad at him, you should be mad at me too."

They were speechless, and staring at me. Then they turned to Soda, hoping that he would say something, tell them that I'm crazy or something. But he only nodded his head so slightly. "Ok, I'm gonna tell him to come in now," I exhaled, and warned them again, "Don't be mad at him. He doesn't' deserve that. Come out Johnnycakes," I yelled then, getting up, and opening the door to Soda's room.

This was like a scene from a movie or something. I opened the door, and Johnny slowly emerged from the doorway, looking down, not daring to meet anyone's eyes. Two-Bit and Steve froze, like they were in a trance. Two-Bit took a few steps back, leaning on the wall and was looking completely lost. Like he wasn't sure if he had too much to drink and was seeing things. His eyes were shifting back and forth to Johnny then back to me, then Johnny again

Steve froze. The expression on his face was beyond any description. The word shock is a huge, and I mean **huge** understatement. His whole body tensed up, and he kind of leaned forward, and squeezed his fists as if he was being attacked or something. His face turned dark red, with white spots forming here and there. "What a hell?" He whispered. There was utter disbelief and even fear in his voice. His eyes briefly met mine, and then stopped on Soda as if looking to get the answers from his best friend.

Two-Bit tried to sit down on the couch, but lost his balance, and almost fell down. He was able to lean on the wall, and that saved him from falling. Then all of the sudden he started laughing. It wasn't loud at first, but then it got really loud and hysterical. His whole body was shaking as he was laughing. He was sweating, but continued to laugh. He was trying to say something as he laughed, but it was impossible to understand what it was he was saying. Steve was staring at him with huge eyes.

As he was laughing, Two-Bit was pointing his finger at Johnny then at me, then Johnny again. He would point at me and mumble, "he… he did…did…n't… didn't… he didn't di—eeee. He…didn't…dieeee." Then he'd point at Johnny and mumble, "you...you-u-u did…didn't…dieee." That went on for a while. Finally, he stopped pointing his finger, but was still laughing uncontrollably, and saying something. And I was able to make out him saying something like, "So-so-soorry guuuuys. I laug-laugh whe-en I gggeet re-a-lly nerr-rrvous." and he continued laughing.

"Stop it for God's sakes," Steve said reluctantly, through clenched teeth.

"I'm so-rr-yy, I... I can't. I re-ally can't." He continued laughing.

Johnny looked at him, scared that Two-Bit lost his mind or something.

Finally he was able to stop laughing. "Sorry about that," he said embarrassed, taking a seat next to Soda on the couch."

"Shit, what a hell, Johnny?" Steve said. He didn't say it mad. Just shocked. He looked at Soda somewhat helplessly, and blinking a lot, finding strength in looking at his best friend. Then he got up, and carefully came up to Johnny, and stopped right across from him. You could tell he wanted to give Johnny a hug, but was not sure how to go about it.

Finally, very carefully, as if he was scared that Johnny is NOT real, Steve grabbed Johnny by his arm, and pulling Johnny towards him, gave him a hug, "Shit, man this is really... really..." he couldn't find the right words, "it's really ... something," and he kept looking Johnny over like he still couldn't believe it. For the first time in the whole time Johnny cracked a small smile. "Shit, man," Steve said again, smiling and wiping sweat off of his forehead.

"So, C'mon Johnny tell us what the deal is," he then said playfully, sitting down again. I think I've never heard such friendly tone of voice from Steve. And seeing that Johnny was still uncomfortable, he reassured him, "C'mon Johnny, we ain't gonna get mad at you."

"Ok," Johnny said in a low voice. "Do you have some water?" He then asked, turning to Soda. "My...my lips are really dry."

Soda went to the kitchen, and got everyone a bottle of water. "Here you go," he said handing one to Johnny. "You too, that'd be good for a change," he added, giving one to Two-Bit, and taking the beer bottle from him.

Johnny took a few sips from his bottle, then took a deep breath, and started his story. He started from the very beginning. From the time I left him at the hospital, thinking he was dead. The guys were really quiet as Johnny was telling his story, and even though I already knew what he was about to say, I still found myself caught up in the story.

The guys got really sad looks on their faces when Johnny started telling them how he found out about Dal's death and how he went to live at the cemetery.

"You should've came to us right then," Steve snapped. And caught himself right away. "I ain't mad at you Johnny. I ain't mad at you. I just wish you came over to us. We would've helped you."

"I know," Johnny said quietly, and continued his story.

He was getting to the part about Carol, and how she let him stay at her place, and I could tell he wasn't sure if he should mention her name at all.

"So, how did Darry find out, and what does it have to do with him running off yesterday?" Soda asked softly, but curiously. Johnny took another deep breath, and I knew he decided to tell them about Carol after all. He didn't go into details about how Darry got mad and yelled at him. He just said Darry got upset that Johnny and I didn't tell the gang earlier, and left it at that.

Johnny finished telling his story, but no one moved, and everyone was still sitting around him in a circle. "I am really sorry guys," Johnny said, "I'm really, really sorry."

"C'mon, stop it, Johnnycake," Two-bit said. "We ain't mad at you, can't you tell? I gotta tell you though, I thought I was going to lose it kid, when I saw you standing there, I swear," he added chuckling.

"Why, we thought so too," Steve said half-kidding and half-serious, and making a face that said 'yeah, it was close to you losing your mind, Two-Bit.'

"You really ain't mad at me?" Johnny asked, turning to Steve and Soda, wiping off a tear.

"C'mon now," Steve said, trying to sound a little angry, but failing at it. "We ain't mad at you for this, but we will be mad if you ask one more time if we are mad at you."

In the meantime, I was looking at Soda. He sure looked tired. He hadn't slept the whole night staying with Darry at the hospital. It got quiet in the room. Then Two-Bit cleared up his throat, "I know it's not the time, but I'm kind of …hungry." Steve glared at him.

"What? I haven't had anything to eat since last night." Steve gave him another glare, and Soda chuckled.

"Sure, Two-Bit," he said. "I'm sure everyone else is hungry too. There is plenty of food left over from yesterday." Then he looked at Johnny and said, "No offence, Johnny, but you need to take a shower, and get out of these clothes, man. Pony go get some of your clothes for Johnny." I went to my room, and got a pair of jeans and a T-shirt for Johnny. I couldn't believe this was over. It felt like the weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I was waiting for Johnny in my room. He came in pretty soon, wearing my clothes, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You want to go get something to eat?" I asked. I was really hungry even though I wouldn't dare to say so earlier. I mean, we just had coffee this morning and that was it.

"Sure," Johnny said, but didn't move.

"So, let's go," I said.

"D'you ...mind if I maybe get some sleep first? I'm really sleepy," Johnny said tiredly. And he did look like he needed it. He looked exhausted. Like all his energy was drawn out of him, by the events of last night and today.

"Sure, Johnny," I said. I'll tell the guys you wanted to take a nap.

"Uh-ha, thanks,.." he answered, lying down on top of the bed, and closing his eyes. "I can't believe it's over, man," he exhaled tiredly.

"Yeah, I know Johnnycakes. Me too."

I went back to the kitchen, and the guys got really quiet when I walked in. "Oh, c'mon," I rolled my eyes. "I know you were talking about me. Or Johnny. Or me _and_ Johnny." Each of them just kept staring into his plate. There was something really funny about it, I don't' know. Or maybe I was just really tired. But I couldn't help it, and started laughing. They started laughing too.

After we ate, I got the phone and called Carol.

"So, how did it go?" She asked anxiously.

"It went fine, but... Darry is in the hospital."

"What?!"


	30. Chapter 30

_Hello everyone! Well, here I am again, updating. It's been a long time, but I didn't give up on this story, and there is still much more to come:) Thanks for all of your emails and reviews and encouraging me to continue. _

_It is so sad about Patrick Swayze. He was a good actor. R.I.P._

_Ok, here we :)_

Darry had his surgery the following week. We all had been worried sick if everything went the way it was supposed to. The doc. said it did, but you just never know. Darry wasn't allowed to go back to work for at least 3 weeks, and that bugged him something awful. He was worried about the money, and that they would give his accounts to someone else at his job. Plus he was not used to sitting around.

The first thing he did when he got home, is found out the phone number of the bus driver that had been on that bus, and then he called him to apologize. The driver was not going to press charges since he didn't really get hurt. But there were some medical bills that he incurred during his short stay in the hospital, and Darry insisted on covering those bills. I think he really kind of changed after the accident. Like he was the same, but he wasn't the same at the same time. Um... it's hard to explain. It was weird though. Like I'd come home from school, and he'd be there. He acted differently around me too. Like, I dunno, he avoided looking me in the eyes most of the time.  
I mean I was glad that he wasn't yelling at me anymore and stuff or bugging me with the homework, but I didn't like that he was so helpless all of the sudden.

Johnny went back to living at Carol's. All this stuff with Darry took the attention off of him, and that was good. Johnny was really uncomfortable with being the center of attention. He helped Carol around the house, and he started to get into his homework a little more. He explained that he wanted to make sure that he was able to get the GED and then the job, as soon as he turns 18. So that's why he started to pay a little more attention to school work. Said he didn't want to end up doing some shitty jobs like his dad, and then get fired even from those ones. I was glad he was doing the homework and stuff, but to tell you the truth, I don't really know if what we learn in school is gonna come handy when it comes to our real job. Or does it make us smarter, so when we get a job we'd be able to understand stuff. I don't know if that's how it works, but I don't really need to tell Johnny that.

I visited him almost every day after school. We talked and went to the backyard for a while. I never mentioned Maryanne around him though. I didn't want him to get upset. Like he did last time, when I told him about her. I know one day he'll have a girl too, and a family. Normal life and stuff, but I guess just not yet.

Actually, I haven't been able to see Maryanne that much lately. She got an assistant job at the vet's office, and worked there on the weekends, and even on some of the weekdays after school. She said she finally decided what she wanted to do after school, she wanted to become a veterinarian. She does love animals, so that would totally make sense. It's kind of hard though, I mean it's a doctor. Maryanne is real smart though, but it's still going to be tough.

Carol came to our house a lot. After she visited Darry in the hospital, they kind of got back. She's been working a lot lately though. She was in the middle of a custody case. It had to do with that girl Angela that came to Carol's house a few times, when I was there. From what I'd seen Angela is kind of mean, and she talks to people like she despises them, even before she really gets to know them. One day, when I was visiting Johnny, she just stormed into the house and was screaming some pretty nasty stuff. Like 'if they put me up with him, I'll kill him. You hear me Carol, I'll kill him right there and then for what he did to my mother, bastard.'  
Carol had tried to calm her down, but wasn't all that successful at it. Apparently, her parents were getting divorced, and since her mother didn't have enough income to care for both of her children, Angela would end up in the custody of her father, being that her brother was really young and would definitely need his mother attention. Angela's dad cheated on her mom.  
and Angela couldn't forgive him for that. So, I could see why she didn't want to end up with him. But all this stuff she was going through still didnt' give her the right to talk down to other people and to take her frustration out on them. I mean Johnny had it real hard at home, and he still didn't get all mean and bitter. I guess she's more like Dally then. He sure was angry most of the time, and he sure did act mean around people.

It was Winter, and it was getting dark earlier than before. There wasn't that much to do in the Winter, except watching TV, but it's boring. One day I was visiting Johnny after school as usual, when I walked into his room he was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed, and drawing something in a page in his notebook. But as I came in, he quickly turned a few pages pretending to be studying.

"Hey," I said, "what ya doin'?"

"Nothing much, just those algebra equations from yesterday," he replied, clearly not wanting to tell me.

"ook", I said in a way that let him know that I wasn't buying it.  
"Fine," he said, "if you really must know. I've been frustrated about some things and Carol said if you draw a picture it kind of calms your nerves down. Kind of like a weed would, you concentrate on it and stuff." He was saying it like he was ashamed of it. A tough and tuff greaser shouldn't be caught dead drawing or doing art and stuff. Any greaser 'xept for me that is. "Let me see," I demanded, processing what he just said. It's true I thought. It does take your mind of things when you are working on a picture or a sketch. You just concentrate on what's on the paper and let go of everything else. That Carol sure does know what she's talking about, I thought with a smile.

"Here," Johnny said taking the sheet of paper out of the notebook. "It ain't as good as yours or anything." I looked at it. It was an attempt of capturing the street that he used to live on, plus the lot. He tried to do the houses and the trees around, and the sky. But it didn't come together. Like the proportions were off, and it seemed he had trouble putting 3-dimensional objects on 2 dimensional sheet of paper. But something about that picture was really good. At first I couldn't get what that was, but then I realized - you could feel what the person was feeling when he drew this. I could see Johnny's frustration, and maybe fear and maybe missing being on that street even though he had it good here with Carol. I could see uncertainty about what's going to happen next.

"C'mon, why are you staring at it like that for," Johnny said somewhat annoyed. "I told you I ain't like you mister Michael Angelo. I can't do anything. Not math, not even a goddam picture," he said with frustration.

"It's not that bad Johnny," I said. He glared back at me, "you don't got to say shit to make me feel better," he said through clenched teeth.  
He grabbed the sheet out of my hands, and threw it into the garbage.

"C'mon Johnny," I said, "I ain't just saying it. Nobody showed you before is all. C'mon I'll show you."  
"I didn'tmean nothing," he said. "Just forget it, ok?"

"No, I ain't going to just forget it," I said stubbornly. I hated it when Johnny felt like he was not as good as others. He'd set himself for failure if he keeps thinking that way. Shoot, my mom taught me how to draw when I was a kid. Nobody ever showed anything to Johnny. And he was always a nervous wreck, so when the teachers showed him stuff he didn't get even half of it. And they sure don't repeat twice or try to explain it to you. They just mark you as stupid, and never bother with you again.

",C'mon Johnny," I repeated calmer this time, "I'll show you what I mean."  
I could tell he really didn't get why he needs to do this, but didn't want to argue with me.

"Ok, here," I said plopping down on the floor next to him, and taking the notebook and the pencil from him, "you got to kind of map out where everything on the page is going to be. So, kind of divide the paper up, and then match up the size of things like the trees and the house and stuff. That'd take care of the proportions." He was just sitting there and staring at me with this "Why am I doing this again?" look. Kind of how I look at Darry when he bugs me with homework.

I took another sheet of paper and started drawing the same picture. First I divided the sheet up in several quadrants and started to draw. Then I explained to Johnny how you got to kind of change the angle of things when you want to make something look like it is a 3 dimensional object. As I was doing it, the expression on his face gradually changed from annoyed and frustrated to interested. "See, it's pretty easy," I said lifting my eyes off of the paper.  
"You sure make it look easy," he said, still not sure if he can do it. "C'mon, now you finish it off," I said. He hesitantly took the paper, and the pencil from me.  
I could see he wanted to see for himself if he could do it. He started making out some houses and the alley in between them. He was concentrating on the picture and his bangs were falling down on his eyes.

We ended up doing this til it got really late, and wasting a lot of paper. While Johnny was drawing, I got bored and started drawing stuff too. First I started sketching his room, the desk, the poster on the wall. Then I looked at him and how hard he was working on his picture. Moving the bangs of his eyes every two seconds. It was amusing. I remembered that back then, when we thought Johnny was dead I started drawing a pic of him, but I was never able to finish it. Well, now I decided to do another one. Johnny didn't realize what I was doing 'cause I'd glance quickly at him, while he was loooking down at his sheet. Finally he caught on to it though. "W...what are you doing man?" He asked suspiciously.

"Nothing..."

"You call this nothing?" He leaned forward, grabbing his portrait out of my hands.

"Not bad," he concluded sizing up the picture. Then he went back to his. When he was done, I looked at his work, and it was not half bad. It was much better than his first one. Obviously, it would take practice to get really good. But it was very clear that he CAN do it. "See," I said, handing it back to him, "and you were wining that you can't do it, that you aint no Michael Angelo," i teased.

"I never realized it wasn't that hard," he said somewhat embarrassed, "it was always a mystery to me how people can draw all this stuff and make it look so real on paper"

"Well, you know, it ain't no mystery," I replied.

"I know," he said still really surprised.

"You'll be a pro in no time."

"I doubt it." He said sarcastically.

Right then we heard the key turn in the lock, and Carol walking in. I glanced at the clock- man it's 8 o'clock already. I completely didn't notice how time went by.  
"Hi guys," Carol yelled.

"Hi Carol," we said, coming out of Johnny's room.

"You guys, you didn't even eat anything," she was scolding. She was in the kitchen by now and looking inside the fridge.

"We weren't that hungry," Johnny said with a shrug.

"Well at least eat dinner with me now."

"I think I better get going." I said, "it's getting kind of late."

"Sure, let me at least give you a ride," Carol said, "I bet it's much better than walking through all this snow." I couldn't argue with that. " Sure" i said, "that would be nice."

"So, how is Johnny doing today?" She asked when we were in the car. "He seemed a bit upset and frustrated yesterday," she added.  
"I think he's better today, but he is worried about what's gonna happen to him. In a way I can understand why," I said.

"I know, but I'll do everything that I can to make it better for him. But for now there is no point to just sit around worrying about stuff. That gets you nowhere. I wish I could take his mind of it. It's the Winter, it kind of makes you depressed and there is not much to do," she continued.

" I'll find something for him to do," I offered,  
"Yes, please do 'cause I don't know what to do with him. He's either depressed in his room,or he's trying to do work around the house. I told him he doesn't have to do anything, but he even tried to cook."

"Maybe at least that keeps his mind of the bad stuff," I suggested.

"Maybe," she said, "but I wish he didn't try to do too much. A little here and there is fine, but the way he's doing it, I feel like I am slaving him."

When we got to my house, I offered for Carol to come in, but she refused saying it was late and she'd rather get back to Johnny. Asked me to explain that to Darry in case he gets upset she didn't come in to say hi to him. "Sure, no problem," I said with a grin.


	31. Chapter 31

_Ok, a promise is a promise so here is the next chapter:) greasertwin and dieanoutsider and all my other loyal reviewers thanks so much! _

So what could I get Johnny to do so he isn't stuck with his negative thoughts all the time. I was thinking hard and nothing came to my mind.  
It's not like we are in kindergarten anymore, where you do all kinds of arts and crafts projects and things. And then it hit me - idiot! I should'vethought of this long time ago. The thing is, way back when I was hanging out with Maryanne and came to her house a lot, I heard Matt playing his guitar, and I really liked it. He even showed me a few chords and a few playing techniques. It was pretty awesome, actually. I could show that to Johnny, and I wouldn't mind learning how to play myself. We can pick up a one of those guitar magazines, and I can always ask Matt. I know Johnny would like it. We were watching The Monkees on TV the other day, and he was saying how tuff those guys and those guitars were. Shit, it was so obvious, why didn't I think of this before. I don't know why.

The next day, right after school, I went to the bookstore and checked out a few of those guitar books and magazines. Some of them were really bad, and were using kind of fancy language and showed how you have to hold the guitar properly and use a footstool. Those were lame, I was looking for something real. Finally I found a song book. It had Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones and some other songs in the back. But in the front they had lessons. Starting with how to tune the guitar, and then some easy chords, and then going into more complicated stuff and finally songs. That would do for now, I thought, grabbing it. Then I also got Guitar Magazine. Most of the stuffin there we wouldn't be able to do yet, but I got it anyway. I was going home pretty exited. I kind of wanted to get my hands on the guitar for a while now, but with all the stuff going on, I never got around to it. My imagination got the best of me, and I was imagining how I'd learn all the tuff songs and will play them to Maryanne and she's gonna be all attracted to me.

Darry was home when I got in. "Hey," he said, not looking me in the eyes.  
God, I wished he'd start going back to work soon. He felt miserable staying home. I went straight to my room and to the closet. I started digging through all of Soda's stuff from all the years that we shared this room. After half of the floor was covered in his old shirts and T-shirts and a couple of DX uniforms, I finally found it. His old guitar. He got it many years ago, but turned out he didn't like it that much, so he didn't pursue it. OK, all the strings are in place - not even rusty - good. I gave it a strum and cringed. It was brutally out of tune. Hope we'll be able to tune it, I thought shoving all Soda's stuff back into the closet.

"Where you going with this?" Darry gave me a weird look, as I was passing by him on my way out. "Gonna go visit Johnny see if ... if he wants to learn how to play."  
"Who's gonna teach him? You don't play."  
"I know, but I got a few magazines, and Matt showed me a few chords." At the name of Mare's brother, he kind of rolled his eyes. And I thought he was kind of jealous that someone else's big brother was now showing me stuff rather than him.

"I'll see you later," is all I said.  
"Say hi to Johnny," he said and then added clearing his throat, "and Carol... if you see her."

When I approached Carol's house, I heard the roar of the vacuum cleaner. I rang the bell, and the roar stopped for a second, and Johnny came out to open the door.

"Hey," he said, moving his bangs out of his eyes.

"Hey," I replied, walking in. Apparently Johnny was in the middle of vacuuming.

"What's with this?" He nodded towards the guitar.

"Oh, I found it when I was cleaning out the closet," I lied, "thought maybe you and I can try a few chords."

"That's pretty tuff," he smiled dreamily, but just for a second. "I dunno if I'm gonna have enough time," he said the next second, "I got to finish this room, and then I got my room, Carol's room and 2 rooms upstairs." I opened my mouth to say something like, the cleaning could wait, but before I got a chance to do so, Johnny mumbled hurriedly,  
"shit, I forgot about the laundry," and ran to the basement, where the washing machine was. After a minute of hesitation, I dragged myself there too.  
Johnny was now unloading the stuff out of the washing machine. I think he was starting to break a sweat. And his limping leg made it even harder for him to do all this housework. "Maybe some other time, Pone," he said somewhat apologetically. "I just dunno if I'm gonna have enough time for it today."

"OK" I managed, but suddenly thought of something.  
"What if I help you?"  
"Oh, you don't have to do that." "C'mon, I know I don't have to, but I just don't want to go back home to Darry, and besides I want to learn this stuff," I said taking out one of the magazines,  
and flipping it to the page with the chords.  
"OK, if you insist," he said trying to sound grumpy, but I could see he was glad I was doing this. While he was finishing up with the laundry, I finished vacuuming the living room,  
and Johnny's room, then while Johnny was vacuuming Carol's room and the other two rooms, I started sweeping and washing the floor in the kitchen. Finally we were done. I was kind of hungry, but I didn't want to say anything. Who knows maybe if I say I'm hungry he decides to cook now. You just never know. "I'm hungry," Johnny said as if reading my mind.

"I'll run to the DQ and get some burgers and fries," I said hurriedly, before he got a chance to suggest cooking or something.

"OK," he nodded.

When I got back, I found Johnny on the couch, looking through the magazines that I brought, and eating a chocolate bar. "I tried tuning it," Johnny said, and i could see a spark of excitement in his eyes, "but I don't think I got it all right." I tried a few strums. It was better than before, but still out of tune. After we ate, we tried tuning it again. The magazine explained that at least one string - usually the 6th, should be in tune, and then you tune everything else relative to that. The problem was that the 6th string on our guitar was out of tune too.

"We can tune it to my piano at home," I suggested.

"Yeah, Iguess so," Johnny agreed.  
We were kind of disappointed, and still trying to tune it, when Carol walked in.

"What's that?" She said amazed, "I have a boy band in my living room?" Johnny grinned - "It was all Pony's idea."  
"Whatcha got here?" She walked in the room. "And Johnny, by the way, thanks for cleaning and all."

"It wasnt just me, Ponyboy helped me out."

"Thanks," she said looking at me. "You guys, you didn't have to do that.... Now, let's see," - she took the guitar from Johnny and gave it a strum, "ouch," she cringed, "you guys tried to tune it?"

"Yeah," Johnny said, pointing at the magazine.

"But ... we couldn't do it ,"I continued "'cause the 6th string is out of tune too. We may try tuning it to my piano tomorrow."

"Oh, I see," Carol said, smiling mysteriously turning the peg to tune the 6th string, and then giving it a strum again. And then turning it some more and then strumming again. "That should be right," she finally said after she did that for a few more times, and now put her fingers on one of the frets on the 6th string, and trying to tune the 5th.

"You ...play?" I asked in amazement.

"I used to," she said smiling, "back in college some of my friends taught me how to play."

"That's awesome," Johnny exclaimed. She just kept amazing me again and again. I remembered how when I met her for the first time in her office, she first surprised me by letting me smoke. I kept staring at her in amazement, while she kept tuning each of the strings.

"Pony, you may want to close your mouth," Johnny snickered.

"Uh, shut up," I teased, and Carol giggled.

"OK, now what?" She flipped a few pages of the magazine. "OK, this is the best way to start," she said, pointing at the chords chart. "These are the easier chords," she pointed at the left side of the chart, "and once you get those you can do the rest."  
So, Johnny and I started learning the D-chord, G, F and a bunch of other ones. It had finger positions for all of the chords and everything.

"OK, not bad," Carol commented when it was my turn, "but try to press your fingers harder on the frets, that way you won't get the squeaky sound that you are getting on some of your strings". I tried to press harder, "there you go," she complemented. Then Johnny tried to do the same. He playfully tried to do a few chords in a row, and it kind of sounded nice. "That sounds real tuff," he said,smiling.

Then Johnny did something that wasn't in the chord chart. He placed his middle finger across one of the frets on all strings at once, and gave it a strum a few times in a row. It sounded real tuff. "Whats that?" I asked.

"I dunno, I saw that guy on TV do it," he said.

"That's a barre," Carol said, "and bravo Johnny. Usually no one gets it the first time. It usually takes a lot of practice."

"Why?" He sounded confused, "it's easy." She just laughed in response. It sure looked easy to me, so I wanted to try it. I took the guitar, put my middle finger across the fifth fret on all the strings at once, and gave it a strum. All I heard was an awful squeaking and Carol chuckled - "see what I mean Ponyboy? Don't worry you'll get it. Just got to practice is all." I tried again - still squeaking. I gave it back to Johnny - "Try it again." He did, and again each and every string gave a sound and none of them squeaked. "Wow, you are a natural," Carol joked.

Right then we heard a small thud sound in the kitchen, like something hit the window. "What a hell?"Carol furrowed her eye brows.  
She hurried to the kitchen, and both Johnny and I followed her. We looked out the window and saw Two-Bit making a snowball, and the marks of the previous one on the window glass.  
As he saw us, he grinned widely, preparing to shoot the next snowball. Then we heard Soda yelling from somewhere in the back, "idiot, you'll break the glass."

"Don't worry 'bout it" Two-Bit yelled back. As Soda came closer, to Two-Bit, he was turning around to say something and accidentally tripped and fell, letting the snowball out of his hands, and the snowball landing on the collar of Soda's jacket. "OK, that's it," Soda yelled, making a snowball, and throwing it back at Two-Bit. As soon as Two-Bit got back on his feet, he made another snowball and sent it back Soda's direction. Soda took a few steps back, made a big one, and threw it at Two-Bit, but he aimed too high, and as Two-Bit dodged, the ball hit the window. "Who is the idiot now?" Two-Bit teased, making another snowball. Soda looked scared there for a second, but the window-glass didn't break, and he exhaled in relief. Carol was laughing through the whole thing.

In one leap I grabbed my jacket and motioned for Johnny to do the same. He looked hesitant. "C'mon," I said, glancing at the window. Two-Bit had Soda in an arm lock, and was rubbing an ice cold snowball against Soda's neck. "Say uncle," Two-Bit commanded. In reply Soda only burst into laughter, then he got out of Two-Bit's hands, and had Two-Bit on the ground. Johnny and I came outside right at that moment. "How ya doing?" Two bit exhaled while still trying to get out of Soda. "Just fine," I said, making a snowball, and sending it his way. It hit him on the shoulder. "Way to greet your friends," Two-Bit replied, finally getting out of Soda, and quickly making a snowball and sending one at me, then another one at Soda. At this time Johnny made one and sent it at Two-Bit. It hit him on the neck. "That's three against one,"Two-Bit complained. "Tough luck buddy," Soda chuckled, throwing another one at him. Then Two-Bit started throwing snowballs back with the speed of light - at me, then at Soda, then at Johnny. Finally we were just all throwing snowballs at each other. Johnny got me on the ear, and it felt freezing. "Ouch," I half screamed, sending one back at him, and it got behind the collar of his shirt. "Ouch, that must be freezing," I teased.  
"Hey man! watch it," he tried to sound mad, but it was just too funny. I tried to hold a laugh, but just burst into laughter. "Don't ya worry Johnnycake, I got him for you," Soda screamed with a mischievous grin, throwing one at me. He caught me off guard too, since I was laughing and wasn't looking. While I was shaking the snow off, Two-Bit and Johnny sent one each, knocking me off my feet. As I was falling, I saw Carol still standing by the window, and laughing.

It got really dark, but we were still outside throwing snowballs at each other. That's when we heard a car approaching, and soon we saw Darry's truck. "It's dark, I came to pick you guys up," he said in a way too serious tone. Another time, I would've said something back, but now that he's been sort of feeling down, I decided not to give him a hard time. "OK, Dare, thanks," I said putting down a snowball I was preparing to aim at Two-Bit.

"OK, let me just say hi to Carol, and we'll go," Darry said. At that moment the door opened, and Carol came outside. She wasn't wearing a coat. She was wearing just a sweater, jeans and her slippers. "Hi there," she said to Darry.

"Hi, just came to pick the guys up," he said, and then added, "thanks for keeping an eye on them."

"Oh, please," she said, "they take care of themselves."  
"Well, we better go then. Let's go guys. See you around Johnnycake." We all said our good-byes to Carol and to Johnny, and turned around, walking towards the truck. As Darry was getting in the truck, I heard Johnny snicker, and before I had time to wonder what that was all about, I saw a pretty big sized snowball land on Darry's shoulder. All three of us got quiet not knowing what Darry's reaction would be, and afraid to turn around. Finally he turned around and so did we, to see Carol in her slippers in the middle of the snow, making yet ANOTHER snowball, and Johnny standing by the front porch looking uncomfortable and amused at the same time. Without a word Darry rubbed his hands, and then made a snowball. He only made a small one 'cause Carol is a girl and obviously he ain't gonna send a huge, hard one her way. He aimed only at her legs too. "C'mon, is that your best shot?" She teased, sending another one his way. Now, I couldn't hold a chuckle. He dodged it, and sent another one her way. She was too cute standing in the middle of the snow wearing just a sweater and slippers. I was liking Carol more and more every day. They exchanged a few more throws, and Darry was now grinning. This was the first time after the accident when he was actually smiling. "OK, game over," Carol finally called, "I'm freezing." She looked it too. Her lips were getting all blue.  
"All right then." We said our good-byes again, and got going. "Why don't you all stay for dinner?" She suggested, "you are already here anyway." Darry looked at us,  
and we looked at him.  
"Fine," he said after a minute of hesitation, and we went inside.

After dinner Carol played a few songs. She was pretty good, even though she was saying she wasn't. On one of the songs Two-Bit started singing along in a girlish, high pitched voice. He was making faces too as he was doing it. Imitating a girl, lifting his eyes up to the ceiling and flapping his eye lashes. Both Johnny and I almost fell off the couch from laughter. Carol tried not to laugh for the sake of the song, but finally her voice started shaking and she burst into laughter.

Oh, C'mon you guys, you sure know how to ruin a good song." Two-bit said innocently.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Ok, here I am updating again:) I promised didn't I? So here it is. And I must say that from now on the updates will be regular! Yeah, regular:)**__** I finally got some time on my hands.:)Thanks so much to all my reviewers, who asked me to keep going with this story. The stuff that happens in this chapter kind of starts a lot of new events for the gang.**_

_**Anyway, here we go - Enjoy!**_

From then on things started to get much better. Johnny started to get outside again. And in general, he didn't seem so depressed anymore. Occasionally, we'd have a conversation about what was going to happen to him when he finally turns 18, and stuff. About the court and all. But all we could do about that was wait. So talking about it would do no good.

One day, we went outside to the park, and when we came back, we were surprised to see that Carol wasn't home. Instead, when we passed by her room, on the way to the staircase, we saw the door slightly opened, and that girl Angela sitting at Carol's desk and whispering something on the phone. She was sitting her back towards the door, so she didn't notice us. We only exchanged confused looks, and kept walking upstairs and then to Johnny's room.

"That was weird," I said when we were in his room.

"Yeah, it just didn't look right." Johnny agreed. Before I could think through what I was doing, I came up to the phone that was on Johnny's desk, and carefully lifted the receiver, and held it up to my ear.

"What are you doin' man?" Johnny whispered, his eyes widening with surprise.

I simultaneously shrugged, and held my finger to my lips, motioning for him to be quiet. I must say I surprised myself with that. But there was just something about that girl that really irritated me. And now her sitting in Carol's chair, whispering something into the phone just looked wrong. Almost creepy.

I was holding my breath to make sure she doesn't hear me breathing and realize that someone is listening on her conversation. She was whispering, so it was kind of hard to make out what she was saying.

"It's gonna be ok baby," she was saying. "I won't have to stay with him after all," she kept whispering.

"Really?" The voice on the other end said. It sounded like a little kid, and unlike her he was not whispering. Must be her little brother, I thought. "Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." She said and there was something really strange in her voice. "I made sure of that."

"I miss you," the little boy said. "Mummy doesn't have time to play with me. I miss you Angie. I want you to take me to the park, like you used to 'member?"

"Yes, I remember." She answered with a sigh. "I'll be there soon. You'll see." She added, "real soon."

At that point we heard the door opening, and Carol walking in.

"I have to go, baby." Angela whispered hurriedly. "I'll be there soon, promise". And she hung up before he could even say something. Then I hung up too.

Johnny was staring at me intensely.

"She's definitely up to something," I whispered.

"Like what?"

"Don't know. And she hung up right away when Carol walked in. If she wasn't up to something, she wouldn't' have to hang up, would she?"

"I guess you are right," Johnny replied with a shrug.

"What was she saying?" Johnny asked next.

"Was telling her little brother that she isn't going to stay with her dad, and that she's coming home soon. I'm telling you, she's up to something."

"Oh," Johnny said thoughtfully.

We heard Carol and Angela exchanging just a few words downstairs, and then Angela left right away.

"Don't you want to stay for dinner?" I heard Carol yell, but Angela was already gone by then.

"Hey, guys are you home?" Carol then yelled. "Come on down." We both got downstairs. We had dinner, did some school work, and of course played some guitar. The guitar thing has become our daily routine by now. We could do a few somewhat simple songs, and Carol said that we were progressing really fast.

Carol looked tired. She is usually very energetic, and upbeat. But these days she was kind of stressed. She worked late a lot. And the days that she got to get home at her regular time, she went to bed earlier so she could catch up on her sleep and stuff.

It was Friday, Carol went to bed, and I stayed overnight. We were sitting in Johnny's room, talking. We started talking about Angela again. "So, all she said was that she was coming home soon?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"So?" Johnny asked, "What's wrong with that? Why were you making such a big deal out of it?"

"Naw," I said, "she's up to something. She's required to stay with her dad, and she was really mad about it the other time, when she was here and snapped 'member?"

"Yeah, I remember." Johnny said, "man, she really was messed up that day, said she'd kill him or something." He paused in sudden realization,..."wait ... you don't think that she..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

"Dunno man," I said.

"Well, what _**exactly**_ did she say?"

"She said she **MADE SURE** that she isn't going to have to stay with her dad, and that she's coming home soon. She sounded really weird about it

too."

"You really think she killed him?" Johnny gasped.

"Yeah, I do." I admitted. It felt wrong to accuse her of something this terrible, but I just didn't know what to think. She definitely seemed like the type that is capable of it.

The next morning, we got up a little later than usual. It was Saturday after all, and since we've been talking past 1a.m. last night we made up the hours of sleep in the morning. When we got downstairs, we realized that Carol wasn't home. We didn't make much of it though. I mean, I'd think she'd sleep in on a Saturday, but she did go to bed early last night so maybe that was enough for her.

I made eggs and coffee, while Johnny was looking over one of the guitar magazines. I didn't mind though. There were plenty of times when Johnny made food for me. So, it was fine. We sat down at the table, and then the local newspaper that was on the table caught my attention. There were a few drops of ketchup and coffee on it. Carol must've been reading it.

The paper was opened to one of the pages, and it was all the way in the corner of the table, as if someone just shoved it aside in a hurry. The title in red huge letters: "TRAGIC FIRE ACCIDENT!" The word "fire" naturally got my attention. It was a local paper so it must be here.

"Whatta staring at?" Johnny asked. "Your food is gonna get cold."

"There's been a fire in this neighborhood last night," I said, moving the paper closer to me with my left hand, while trying to get my food on my fork with my right hand.

"It was here?" Johnny sounded puzzled.

"Last night a house collapsed in a tremendous fire on Hills Street. A crew of fire fighters was sent in, but it was too late." I read out loud. "There were no injuries incurred. The owner of the house - Jack Grey was not home at the time of the accident. He has a daughter Angela Grey,..." I stopped in my tracks.

Johnny dropped his fork, "keep reading," he then exhaled, staring at me intensely.

"He has a daughter Angela Grey, who just started living with him recently, after Jack and his wife divorced, and Jack received custody of Angela. Fortunately enough Angela was not home at the time of the accident. As the house was completely destroyed, Jack is now staying with one of his friends. Angela is temporarily staying back with her mother. The cause of the fire is being investigated." I exhaled, as I finished reading. It was obvious - she set the fire.

"You think she meant to kill him?" Johnny asked hesitantly after a pause.

"I guess not. I'm sure if she wanted to kill him, she'd make sure that he WAS home at the time of the accident."

"Yeah, you are right," Johnny agreed. "This girl got guts," he said all of the sudden, and oh God, what was it in his voice that I heard? Admiration? I stared at him, shocked.

"What?" He asked self consciously.

"Nothing, just sounds like you are admiring what she'd done."

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "so what if I am? Maybe I should've done that to my dad years ago."

"Noooo," I exhaled. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then I remembered how Johnny admired Dallas. Mean, tuff Dallas Winston.

"Never mind," Johnny said, "I didn't mean it like that. I wouldn't sleep at night if I pulled something like that. And on my own family. I mean, my dad is messed up and all, but he's still my dad."

Now, that's more like it, I thought, but didn't say anything.

So now we were the only ones, who knew Angela's secret. Even though I had a feeling that Carol, and possibly others would figure it out. But it's not about if they realize that Angela did it, it's about if they can prove it.

"I guess Carol went to talk to Angela or something." I said.

"Guess so," Johnny replied. "Those reporters must be flooding the place by now."

"Yeah, I'm sure they are," I nodded.

Just about then the phone rang, and it was Carol. She said Angela was in trouble, and she was helping her out. Also said for us not to worry, and not to wait up for her as she might be coming home real late. Oh, this was getting interesting.

I couldn't help it, but wonder what was going on there.

"You think she'll get to stay with her mom?" Johnny asked, and I could hear sympathy in his voice. In a way I kind of felt bad for her too. I mean, she didn't like her dad, and she had to stay with him. But her method of resolving the situation was a little extreme.

"Dunno," I said. "I doubt it. I mean, her mom still doesn't have enough money to support her, so they'll probably place her in a foster home."

"So, she did it all for nothing then?" Johnny said. "That's too bad."

"Maybe she can get some help from the government. I mean, they don't take the child away unless the parent is abusive or something. Carol told me that once."

I stayed at Carol's for the rest of the day. At 11:30 p.m. Carol finally showed up.

"We saw the paper," I said, as she walked in.

"Is everything ok?" Johnny offered.

"Yeah," she said, "but there will be a hearing in Court about where she's gonna stay now. And I had to get all the paperwork done. I also had to get a lawyer for her."

"Why does she need a lawyer? Did she do something wrong?" Johnny exclaimed, and I nudged him in the ribs.

"No," Carol replied, giving him a weird look, "it's just a procedure, Johnnycakes. Whenever things like that happen, that have to do with custody, you have to have one. And also those reporters are bugging her and her mom. So, it's nice for her to have someone to give her advice. I'll be helping her too."

The whole time Carol was talking, I was trying to figure out if she knew the truth or not. But I couldn't tell. At times it seemed that she really didn't know. But then knowing Carol, she is really good at concealing stuff like that, so it could very well turn out that she knew.


	33. Chapter 33

**_Ok so here is another update. It wasn't too long of a wait this time was it? :) Thanks again to everyone who's reviewing, and getting into this stroy again:) This one has a lot of Pony and Maryanne again. I know, I kind of left her out of the picture for a while:)_**

**_Here we go:_**

It was Sunday. Maryanne was working 'til 1 p.m., and I was supposed to pick her up at the vet's office. I had nothing to do in the morning. I didn't have much homework for once, and I just wanted to kind of stay in, and take it easy.

It was kind of dark outside, and it was snowing really hard. But it wasn't the kind of nasty cold snow, the kind that would hurt your face in the windy weather if you walk outside. No, this was the nice, soft snow. It was just falling down from the sky, and it was kind of pretty. It wasn't windy either. So, the snow was just landing on the ground, and it looked kind of...um, fluffy.

It was still really early, but I heard Darry making breakfast in the kitchen. He really is an early bird, I thought, smiling to myself. Soda, on the other hand, I was sure was still in his room, asleep.

After a quick shower, I came to the kitchen, saying a quick hello to Darry, and getting myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

I turned the TV on. It was the morning news. They were talking about the fire, THE fire at Angela's place, well, her dad's. They said that the cause of the fire is thought to be some appliances that were not properly turned off. Then they gave a fast brief on Angela's life. How she lived with her mom, and her dad had cheated on her. And they said a few words about her little brother. They finished that segment, and went on to something else, but I was still thinking about Angela. That must suck, I thought, to have it announced on national television that your dad had cheated on your mom.

"That girl is gonna end up at a foster home." Darry, who was standing behind me the whole time, said.

"Why is that?" I asked. "Maybe she will just stay with her mom."

"Naw," Darry offered. "Her mom doesn't have the money to care for her, right? That's why they ordered her to be with her dad in the first place. So, she still doesn't have the money now. Why now all of the sudden," he stressed "all of the sudden," "they'd let her stay with her mom?"

Shoot, why Darry had to be so rational all the time.

"I dunno, maybe they just will." I said, and continued, "you do know that that's the girl that Carol has been working with lately, right?" "What?" He choked on his coffee, and looked completely caught off guard. "She's her social worker?" He asked.

"Yep," I nodded.

"So, that's the one that Carol worked late in the office for, working through the custody stuff?"

I nodded again.

"Oh, I already hate this girl." Darry said reluctantly after a long pause.

Same here, I thought, but didn't say anything.

At 1 o'clock I was standing next to the vet's office, and ringing the bell. It was snowing even harder than before, and I felt snowflakes land on my cheeks and my nose, making it wet. Yet it was still that nice snow, falling down softly, and kind of shining on its' way.

Usually, when I came to pick Maryanne up, she'd buzz me in, but this time the door opened, and Maryanne appeared in the doorway. Her coat on, and ... leading 5 poodle puppies on their leashes in front of her. She could hardly manage all the leashes in her hands – 3 in one hand, and 2 in the other.

"Hi Ponyboy," she smiled widely, and the dogs looked up at me, as if saying hi too.

"Hi," I said, sounding puzzled, looking at the dogs.

"We have to walk them." She said, still smiling. "I hope you don't mind."

I didn't mind. The dogs were real cute and friendly.

"Whose are they?" I asked.

"A client had left them for boarding, and they need to be walked every day. Sometimes Tina does it, and sometimes I do."

The dogs seemed to be really happy to be outside. They were pulling Maryanne in every direction, and just seemed to want to get off their leashes, and roll around in the snow. 3 of them were brown. And the other 2 - black. They were really, really cute. I came up to pet one of the dogs, but changed my mind half way, giving Maryanne a quick kiss instead.

We went to one of the nearby parks, and started walking along one of the alleys. "We can let them off their leashes," Maryanne said mischievously. "No one'll know."

"They won't run away?" I asked, concerned - she could get in trouble for this.

"Naw, they always come back." She laughed, letting the dogs go free. They went completely wild. They were running back and forth in the snow, chasing each other, and playing with their tails. I couldn't help it, but laugh.

Two of the dogs were now on their backs rolling in the snow. The other three were running right ahead, then they came back, and started running around Maryanne, pulling her with their paws. She laughed and kneeled down to pet them, and one of the dogs started licking her hand. Then the other one pulled from the side. Maryanne lost her balance, and laughing hysterically fell into a pile of snow. The dogs seemed to like the idea, and seemed to think that was a new game. They ran around her, stopping to lick her hand or her face or to roll around in the snow next to her. She couldn't stop laughing, and I didn't even realize that I'd been laughing too.

I came up to Maryanne, stretching my hand and pulling her up, and right into my embrace. The dogs seemed to be jealous that I took their playmate away from them. I was hugging Maryanne, and I really liked how she smiled at me, looking me right in the eyes.

"Ok, time to go guys." She said to the dogs, and her voice sounded so sweet, so angelic. I want her to talk to me that way, I thought smiling. She was shaking the snow off their backs, and putting the leashes back on.

"Ok, here you go buddy," she said, putting the leash back on one of the dogs. "I know you don't like it. I know that. We'll do this again tomorrow, ok?" The dog was looking at her with such, a thoughtful look, that you could really think it understood every single word Maryanne just said. It was funny. Maryanne is gonna be a great vet one day, I thought.

We left the dogs back at the vet's, and went to a nearby cafe. We grabbed some food, since it was lunch time already, and then I got a cup of coffee, and Maryanne got hot chocolate.

"By the way, have you heard?" Maryanne said all of the sudden, "there was a terrible fire not far from our neighborhood."

So, she'd seen it too, I thought. "Yeah," I said, "I know."

There was really no point in telling her that I knew the girl. It didn't really matter. And besides, I didn't really KNOW Angela. I just knew who she is.

"That must be tough," Maryanne continued, "to be separated from her little brother and her mom."

"It must be." I sighed, thinking of my 2 brothers. "How is Matt doing?" I asked. I haven't seen Matt in a long time.

"He's better, he wants to get another job, rather than just keep working at that hardware store. But he is kind of stuck 'cause I mean, he has a college degree, but he doesn't want to go back to doing that stuff. But then he is not really qualified to do anything else... " She paused. "It's really tough for him. I just wish he figures it out," she sighed.

When we came out of the café, it wasn't so nice out anymore. It was windy all of the sudden and chilly. The wind was blowing into our faces, and Maryanne's hair got all messed up and was in her face. She giggled, pulling it away. We turned around the corner to hide from the wind. That's when I kind of leaned her against the wall, and kissed her. My imagination was running wild again. I was imagining how I'm going to get really good at my guitar real soon, and I'll learn one of those love songs, and I'll be playing them all to her. I smiled to myself.

We walked around a little more, and then Maryanne said she had to get home. Had some stuff to do. So, I walked her home, making her promise that she'd make more time to spend with me during the week. She was getting really busy now that she was working.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Ok, here is another chapter. **_

_**Die an Outsider, just to prove you wrong I'm updating again, and it's been only a week:) And yes, you'll see where I am going with this whole Angela thing real soon. Just keep reading:)**_

_**XObeachbaybee95 welcome to the story, and thanks for the review:)**_

_**Charlie-becks thanks for reviewing, and yeah everything is fine with the gang:)**_

On Monday night I was at Johnny's as always. Carol was home already. We were up in Johnny's room, trying to learn a few songs. I was tired of doing the easy songs, and wanted to get my hands on something more complicated. I was looking for a love song type of thing that I could do for Maryanne. So, I was flipping through the magazine, while Johnny was playing some tune he looked up earlier.

All of the sudden there was a knock on the door. Johnny and I both stopped what we were doing, and waited there a second. The knock got louder. "I'm coming," we heard Carol yell downstairs. Then we heard her rush to open the door. And then there was a loud thud as the door slammed.

We completely stopped what we were doing and tried to listen up more closely. It was Angela. She was trying to catch her breath and was just mumbling some words but being really unclear about what happened.

"What happened, Angela?" Carol was saying, clearly worried. "C'mon take a seat."

"I split, Carol." She was almost yelling. "I couldn't let them do it."

"Do what? Did the reporters bother you? Angela, what happened?"

"They can't just come in..., and Carol, you said you'd help me. You said they can't do anything until the whole process with the court is over."

There was silence. She must've walked into the living room. We couldn't hear anything else she was saying. I couldn't help it but wonder what was going on.

"What do you think happened?" Johnny asked.

"I have no idea. She said she split. What? Now she doesn't want to stay with her mother either?"

"What about her little brother?"

We could hear Carol making a few phone calls downstairs, but we couldn't make out what she was saying. I must admit, I was tempted to listen in again. But I kind of felt bad, and didn't go for it this time around. And besides, Carol is good at sensing stuff like that so she'd probably feel it one way or another even if I held my breath forever.

Carol rarely had visitors, and whenever she did, she'd tell them that Johnny was her nephew and he' was staying with her for a while. Most of the time though she'd just tell him or me that someone was coming over, and Darry or Two-Bit would give him a ride to my place.

In a few minutes Carol came up to Johnny's room. She always knocked before coming in, which I really liked about her. It's not like we were doing something we didn't want her to see, but, I dunno, she just showed us some respect, and I liked that. Anyway, she was standing in Johnny's room now. Confused, not knowing what to say. "Um, guys, Angela has to stay the night here today."

"Ok." Johnny nodded looking down.

I didn't bother asking Carol what was going on. I knew that if she felt she needed to tell us, she would. And besides, this stuff is confidential and Carol can't be telling everyone.

"Good night," she said, leaving Johnny's room.

I decided to stay the night. Johnny pulled out the mattress I always used for sleeping on the floor, when I stayed over. We were just sitting on the floor, flipping through the new guitar magazines that I bought the other day. Neither one of us felt like going to sleep.

"Think she's going to end up in a foster home?" I finally spoke my mind, plopping down on the mattress, looking up the ceiling. We didn't bother putting sheets on the mattress or anything. I just slept with my clothes on.

"I hope not," Johnny said, sitting down on the edge of the mattress, leaning his back against the footboard of his bed. "That would suck." he added bitterly.

What was that? He was concerned about her? Sure I wanted to know too. But I was just curious. I kind of didn't like this girl. But Johnny seemed to be concerned. He was looking past me and into the window. I knew that look. Kind of haunted and tired. I knew he wanted a weed right then. I could tell when he did. But he hadn't been smoking for a while now. And neither had I.

"I can't wait till I'm 18," he said all of the sudden. "I want to get this whole thing over with. I'll get a normal life, and a normal job." Then he paused in sudden realization, and asked, "You think I'll have to move away from here huh, Pone?"

"I don't see why." I managed, feeling uneasy all of the sudden.

I have thought about this a few times before, but tried to deny it as much as I could. Next year I'll graduate and I'll have to go to college. I haven't decided yet if I'm going away or not. But I might be. Johnny would probably go elsewhere after the whole mess with the court gets cleared up and all. _**IF**_ it gets cleared up. I was starting to feel real lousy.

"Pony?" Johnny was staring at me.

"Even if you go away, I'll come visit you. We all will." I said reassuringly. We just set there talking and looking at the sky, not bothering to go to sleep.

Around 3a.m. we heard someone coming up the stairs, and someone was knocking on Johnny's door. We exchanged surprised looks.

"Hey, are you in here?" we heard someone whisper, "I need to use the phone." It was Angela, of course.

There was no phone in the living room. Only one in Carol's room - the one she was using last time, and one in Johnny's room. We weren't sure if we wanted to let her in.

"Maybe we should just pretend that we aren't here," I whispered. "Or that we are asleep and can't hear her."

"C'mon man. I know you are in there." Angela said, and her voice was louder this time.

Johnny found his baseball hat that he always put on when someone was around. Right as he was putting it on, she started knocking again. "Don't be such a pussy. Open up the damn door. I just need to use the phone is all."

That got me mad. I felt like snapping all of the sudden. She can't even ask for a favor nicely.

"Why, what you got to use it for?" I snapped. "Are you gonna call your little brother like you did last time, and tell him that you set your daddy's house on fire?" I don't know how, but I just spit all that out before I could catch myself. She must've been caught off guard, because there was silence all of the sudden. Then she said, trying to sound calm. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Why don't you go back to bed, maybe you'll remember." I said sarcastically .

I couldn't believe I was being so rude. And to a girl too. But she really irritated me. The way she acted, the way she talked, the way she set her dad's house on fire. Johnny was now staring at me wide eyed.

"C'mon please, man. I really need to use the phone." The tone of her voice changed all of the sudden. It was like she was almost begging.

"C'mon man, let's just let her in," Johnny said going towards the door.

"It's your room, do whatever you want." I said reluctantly. I couldn't get why he felt bad for her.

He opened the door, and she walked right in. She walked right past him, and to the phone. She didn't even say thank you. She grabbed the phone, dialed the number, and started whispering something into the phone. "Do you mind?" she asked, turning around for a second, glaring at me, because I was standing too close and could hear what she was saying. I just glared back at her, and took a few steps back.

She started whispering even lower, so I couldn't hear anything. Johnny was sitting down on the mattress the whole time. Finally, she was done talking, and put the phone down, while giving us a disgusted look. She started walking back to the door.

"You are welcome," I snapped again.

"What's that?" She was looking right at me. Her eyes, blazing with anger, "Did you say something?" She was walking right towards me now, as if she was planning to fight me or something. All of the sudden she tripped over the mattress, and fell right next to Johnny. If she was mad before, now she was infuriated. Johnny winced as she almost crashed into his injured leg.

"You better forget what your heard about the other time on the phone," she said through clenched teeth, "you little snitch!" She walked past by me, "or better yet forget you heard it at all."

Right when she was about to exit the room, she turned around and repeated "you better keep your trap shut about that fire. Both of you," she was now looking at Johnny, "and don't even think for a second that I don't know who you are..." she paused, and added sarcastically, "uh... Jimmy is it? You are a pussy is all you are. You killed that guy and set that church on fire, and you are judging _me_ for what I did? Fuck you." With that she left. She was going to slam the door too, but thought better of it, as it would wake Carol up.

When I looked up at Johnny, he was just standing there, not moving. Like in a state of shock or something. I didn't want to say anything. There was nothing I could say. It would only sound cheesy, and make him feel even worse. I saw that he was uncomfortable, and so, I wanted to make it easier for him. "I'm going to sleep." is all I said, stretching out on the mattress.

"Yeah, same here," he said, trying to control his voice and not give away his emotions.

For the next few hours I was pretending to be asleep. My eyes were closed, but I could hear Johnny turning and tossing in his bed. I'd glance at him from time to time, when he wasn't looking. Finally, he was to sleep, lying uncomfortably on the very edge of the bed, as if he felt he didn't belong there or something.

I got up, and tiptoed to the door. I had to straighten this situation with Angela out. I felt very confident as I was walking down the stairs, and into the living room, where she was crashing on the couch.

Only after I had my little chat with Angela, I finally felt relieved. I told her off good. Real good! I tiptoed back to Johnny's room, shutting the door carefully after myself. Johnny was still asleep. I quietly stretched out on the matt, trying to get some sleep before the morning came. I couldn't though. Just couldn't fall asleep. I kept thinking about Johnny and me and graduating High School. What's going to become of us? Everyone wants to have a happy life. We are no exception. There's no point being born if you are just gonna have a miserable life, and then die anyway.

Happy? But what does that really mean? Like the way we used to be when my parents were alive. We were happy even if we didn't have fancy cars and clothes. I don't really care much for that stuff anyway. But I do care not to be looked down at by the rest of the world. I do care not to be marked lousy. That's part of being happy.

Then my thoughts jumped to Angela. That girl got some nerve calling Johnny a coward. I'd like to see her get a beating with 2 by 4 like he did from his dad. And he didn't even let out a whimper. Not a cry – nothing. I'd like to see her get into a burning church and care about a bunch of kids more than her own life. I'd like to see her live all by herself at a cemetery and survive. Johnny Cade is NO coward. And he managed to keep a good heart through all of this. Someone who still genuinely believes in good… um, how should I put it?… Innocent? Well, maybe not innocent, but like Cherry once said, just not dirty.

As I kept thinking, the sun slowly started making its way up. I was laying on the matt right across from the window, and the window was facing east. So, right now the sky was turning that pinkish golden color. It's funny - I've seen the sunset and the sunrise a million times, but I can never get bored of watching it.

And I suddenly thought about that time, the time we were in Windrixville, and we were watching the sunrise. I remembered Johnny saying that he wished it could stay like that _forever_. And I told him that poem – Nothing Gold Can Stay. But the thing is that even though sunrise and sunset can't stay like that all the time. It sure will be back tomorrow, and then the day after that, and the day after. So it _**does**_ stay like that **FOREVER **after all.

I was debating whether or not I should share this thought with Johnny, when I heard him turning on his bed, and then sitting up.

"Hey," he said sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey," I replied, trying to figure out if he's really upset about what happened with Angela. Johnny tends to take things to heart. Especially things like this. But he seemed calm.

He got up and pulled his shirt and pants on and made his bed. It was too early to go down yet. So he grabbed 2 guitar magazines from his desk, and plopped back onto his bed with one of them, while handing the other one to me. He was calmly flipping through the magazines, and I was trying to figure out if this was fake calmness and he was trying to avoid talking about what had happened, on purpose.

"Hey," I finally said, not having the patience to keep going with this, "I had a little chat with Angela while you were asleep. She ain't going to say a word 'bout what she knows. So we've got nothing to worry about." He froze for a second, staring at me.

"What are you talking about Pony?"

"I went down and had a little chat with her. Told her a few things…" My anger at Angela came though in my voice.

"What did you say to her?" Johnny sounded puzzled, and almost shocked.

"I said if she only so much as mentions you to anybody, I'll tell Carol about her setting her dad's house on fire. Carol would believe me. She knows I wouldn't make something like that up..." I exhaled all in one breath, and then added, "she has no business calling you a coward." I was sounding more worked up than I wanted to.

Johnny was silent for a minute. Then he said thoughtfully, "she kind of got a point though." It was my turn to stare. I couldn't believe it - he was taking _her_ side. I didn't say anything, so he continued, sighing heavily, "it's not like I'm hiding out here forever. It's only 'til I turn 18. I can't wait." He sighed again.

"I know," I sighed, wanting that moment to come, and at the same time being concerned that things may take a turn for worse after that.

Right about then we heard voices downstairs, and I tried to listen up what was going on. But as much as I tried, I couldn't make out what they were saying. Then everything got quiet, and then we heard the door being slammed.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Ok, here is chapter 35. A little shorter this time, but still only a week after the last update:) That was my goal:) I'm going to try to update every week. Die and Outsider thanks for the awesome review you left! Your reviews are never dull:) And thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing - it means a lot.**_

"Hey, how was school?" I heard Soda ask as he entered the room.

"It's fine." I answered, surprised that I hadn't heard him come in." "How was work?"

"The usual," he said, taking his jacket off, and throwing it on the bed.

"C'mon, Soda what you did that for? It's all wet from the snow."

"Oh, sorry." He picked it up, and went into the bathroom to get the snow off.

"I sure am tired today," he yelled from the kitchen, Eveie came by the DX today which means Steve spent most the day talking and fussing around with her, and I did all the work."

"Well, that's too bad." I teased, walking into the kitchen. "Next time ask Diana to come by so you are even."

"Naw," he smiled, "I don't like them girls coming by the station. "Gils and cars," he sighed thoughtfully, "these are 2 good things in life, but not necessarily at the same time." He chuckled.

"So how's Johnny doing?" he asked putting the pot on the stove.

"He's doing well," I said, "he's really catching on with all the subjects. By the time he has to take the GED, he'll be just fine."

"Oh, I heard you guys are a rock band now." Soda said suddenly, grinning widely and winking at me. That made me chuckle.

"Yeah, some band we are." I said, smiling.

"I bet you are!" He replied. He then threw the kitchen towel he had in his hands, right on the table and started leaping across the kitchen kind of sideways, pretending to be holding a guitar in his hands, and making guitar noise sounds. That just cracked me up. It was so sudden too. I didn't expect it. One minute he was just standing there, the next minute he's leaping around the kitchen. After he made a few circles around the kitchen, he stopped as suddenly as he started, and went back to cooking. Just like that.

The phone rang, and I picked it up. It was Diana, so I called Soda to the phone.

"Watch the stove," he said, running into the living room to get the phone. I nodded, even though he couldn't see it. He was in the other room by then. I was mashing the potatoes, while overhearing Soda talk on the phone. "Yeah, I know baby." he was saying softly. I guess things were working out good for them, I thought, and I was glad.

Darry walked in right when the food was ready. "Shit, its cold out," he offered, taking the jacket off. "What's for dinner?" He asked next. He seemed in a good mood.

"So how are they handling you coming back to work?" Soda asked during dinner. Did they give you all your old accounts back?"

"They did." Darry said, visibly pleased. "Ol' O'Conner had no choice, but give me back all my accounts. Well, they are kind of short on people now. Turns out he just fired 3 people last week."

"What for?" I asked.

"Kept showing up late, drunk, stuff like that, you know. He is actually," he paused, "he is making me a foreman on all those accounts."

"NO?"Soda said in disbelief.

"Yeah, the hours are kind of shitty though." Darry replied, "But the pay is worth it. I could use a person or two though. Now that the other 3 are gone. Maybe you know someone?" He asked Soda. "Maybe like the guys at the DX or their relatives."

"I can't think of anyone, but I'll ask around." Soda said. He was glowing, and I was really happy for Darry too. He deserves a raise.

"Actually," I said, clearing my throat, "I know someone."

"Who?" Both Soda and Darry said simultaneously.

"Well, Mare's brother - Matt is looking for a job."

Darry chuckled –"You got to be kidding me."

"Why not?" I sincerely didn't get Darry's reaction.

"No, no reason at all." He said. "He drinks, smokes pot, he's unstable..."

"What makes you say _that_?" I interrupted.

"C'mon did you not see how he totally lost control that time?"

"What time?"

"When Two-Bit was racing Jimmy Graham, and Matt lost it and attacked him with the baseball bat."

"So? That jerk fully deserved it."

"Maybe so, but I can't bring a guy like that to work. I can't vouch for him. I bring him in, then he pulls one of his stunts, and my rep goes through the roof."

It's true, I thought. It was a risk. Then I remembered how upset Maryanne sounded talking about Matt, and wishing he'd pull his life together. Maybe I could talk to him and get him to promise me that he would act normal and would lay off the booze. I got up not saying anything, and got all the plates from the table and put them into the sink, and started washing them.


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders**

_**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing. It really means a lot. **_

I was doing my math homework when I heard Soda walk in.

"Pony, are you home?" He yelled from the living room.

"Yeah," I yelled back.

"Come here." He yelled again.

"What do you want?" I yelled back.

"Come here!" The tone of his voice was impatient, "I got to show you something."

I got up, and went into the living room, and then sopped in the doorway in amazement.

There, on the couch, was Soda, holding a tiny black puppy on his lap. Soda didn't bother to take his jacket off. You could see a wet stain spread on the couch where he was leaning and the snow was melting off. The puppy was too cute though. It was black with long smooth hair and long ears. It was bouncing on Soda's lap, and trying to catch one of the strings on Soda's jacket.

I smiled. It was cute, and since I still didn't say anything or asked where it was from, Soda volunteered the information himself – "Steve and I found him by the DX today. He was jut sitting there in the snow and all. Was freezing, and would freeze to death if we didn't find him."

It was funny, it seemed like the dog understood we were taking about him. He stopped playing with Soda's jacket, and was now sitting quietly on his lap, looking directly at me and wiggling his tail. As if waiting to hear what I am going to say. I came up, and petted him on his head, between his ears. He seemed to like it. He made a funny sound, and licked my hand.

"What exactly are you planning to do with him?" I asked Soda.

"What do you mean? Keep him, of course." he said. I chuckled, "like Darry is gonna let you?"

"Yeah, he will." Soda said stubbornly even though he sure knew that most likely Darry is going to be against this idea.

"We should get him something to eat." Soda said, changing the subject. "We fed him at the DX, but that was a while ago."

He got up, and walked up to the fridge. The puppy didn't stay on the couch even for a second. He jumped right off, and went right behind Soda, wiggling his tail. Soda almost stepped on him by accident.

"Did you give him a name?" I asked.

"Naw, not yet." Soda said, his head in the fridge looking for something we can feed the puppy. "We don't got nothing we can feed him." Soda said disappointed, slamming the fridge door, "all we have is frozen chicken breast, and I don't think he'd like that, and we would have to defrost it first even if he did."

"I'll run down to the store get some dog food." I offered.

"Thanks." Soda said, and then added hurriedly, "Just get those ones for puppies. You know like the ones over 5 months," he was instructing me, as he was searching his pockets for money to give me.

"Don't you think I would've figured that out?" I said, rolling my eyes. He only grinned in response.

I took the cash, and went out. The store was just a few blocks away. I bet Darry won't let us keep him, I thought on my way there. I got a few cans of dog food and a bowl that came with it. Thankfully I had enough cash for it.

When I got back, we went into my room, and I opened one of the cans, and placed it on a bowl. The dog sniffed curiously, and then leaped towards the bowl and started gulping the food. I really wished Darry would let us keep him.

He was all done, and now was sitting next to Soda and looking around. He was clearly enjoying himself, and as funny as it sounds referring to a dog, it looked like he was smiling. Yeah, smiling. Then he saw a pair of shoes that I left by my bed. He came up to them carefully , sniffed and then all of the sudden "attacked" them, by jumping at them and grabbing them with his teeth, and then trying to pull them apart with his teeth. Both Soda and I just burst into laughter.

The puppy started circling around the room with my socks in his mouth. He'd bark from time to time, dropping the socks on the floor as he did. Then pick them up again and kept running around. Both Soda and I were on the floor from laughing. Finally, he got tired and stopped. He walked slowly towards where I was sitting, and dropped the socks next to my feet.

"Doesn't it look like he is smiling?" Soda asked. I chuckled – so, it wasn't just my imagination 'cause Soda noticed it too.

"Yeah, it does," I said.

"That's it," Soda said then.

"What?"

"That's his name - smiley."

Right then we heard the door open, and Darry's heavy footsteps, as he walked through the door. The puppy heard him too, and, and made a small growling sound. We heard the footsteps stop and it was quiet for a second as if Darry was trying to listen up if he actually heard dog's growling or not.

"Pony, Soda, you guys home?" He yelled from the kitchen. Hearing his loud voice, the dog started barking, and we heard Darry now rushing towards my room. He walked in, and stopped startled.

"Don't be mad, Darry." Soda said not even giving Darry a chance to say anything. "Steve and I found him by the DX today, freezing to death in the snow."

"I ain't mad." Darry said, but I noticed him looking in disgust towards the few crumbs of dog food around the bowl, where we fed the dog. "I ain't mad." He repeated. "I think the shelter is still open today. I'll get you the phone number to call," he said turning around and walking out of the room.

"That's not what I mean." Soda jumped up and in one leap was right next to Darry. "We oughtta keep him." He pleaded, as they both left my room, and went into the living room. I could hear them still talking in there.

"And what makes you say that?" Darry said dryly.

"I really like him is what makes me say it," Soda answered simply. "I really, really like him. And he's small. Even when he's an adult dog he ain't gonna be a large size. It's not like I'm asking you to keep a horse in your living room."

"C'mon Soda," Darry replied tiredly, "you aren't in 3rd grade."

"What difference does it make how old I am?" Soda interrupted, and I could hear some hurt in his voice.

"He'll chew all our shoes, and his food costs money. It's not expensive, but it adds up. Believe me."

"He won't chew on no shoes." Soda countered, "We'll get him some of those toys from the pet store so he's gonna chew on those. And I'll pay for his food myself."

"Because you are superrich, I suppose." Darry said sarcastically, "richer than the socs even. And who's gonna watch him when both of us are at work, and Pony is in school? Huh? Have you thought of that?"

Soda paused for a second caught off guard.

"I… I'll take him to the DX with me." He said hurriedly. Even Darry had to chuckle at that.

"What?" Soda asked stubbornly. "My boss won't care. As long as the work is done he doesn't care if you bring a horse in there. And it's only for a few months anyway - until he's old enough to stay home by himself."

"Fine," Darry finally gave in. "I'll let you try this for a few moths. See how it works out. But if it doesn't work out you gonna take him to the shelter savvy?"

"Sure Darrry." Soda could hardly keep the excitement out of his voice.

"And you got to be here to feed him, walk him and clean up after him. You got that? I have enough shit to do around here. Got that?"

"Sure Darry." Soda said sheepishly.

He ran back into my room, picked the puppy up and spun him around in the air. He was grinning from ear to ear. I was really happy too. "I'll help you with taking care of him and stuff." I said.

"You better," Soda grinned.

After dinner Darry came back into my room. "Hey buddy, want to pay back a favor?" He asked Soda.

"What?" Soda stopped playing with the puppy, and turned towards Darry.

"I need your advice on something." Darry said clearing his throat.

"What?" Soda asked again.

"Well," he paused for a second, "Carol's birthday is coming up and being that you are the ladies' man in the family, I thought maybe you have any suggestions where I can take her, and what I could get her." Soda was gonna say something wise ass, I could see by the expression of his face, but Darry stopped him in time – "Don't even say nothing!" He said, "and you quit grinning like an idiot, Pony," he said turning to me. I wasn't aware that I was grinning, but I must've been since he said I was. It really _was_ pretty funny though.

"Hm," Soda said thoughtfully, clearly enjoying this. "How about take her to that pub on 8th street. It's got a pretty good reputation."

"C'mon, that's too cheesy." Darry said.

"How about you take her to the Exit?" I piped in, remembering the place I took Mare to, a while ago. "It's not cheesy, and they have good dancing music there."

"Darry dancing..." Soda was cracking up now.

"Watch it." Darryy warned, and glared at him dangerously, but only half serious. "Thanks Pony," he said getting up, "got to love the day I have to take women advice form my kid brothers." Both Soda and I tired not to laugh when he said that.

"Still got to figure out what to get her though," Darry mumbled under his breath.

It was getting late so Soda took the puppy and went back to his room, while I was getting ready to go to bed. So it's Carol's birthday I thought. It would be nice to get her something. But I would hate to have to ask Darry for the money for her gift. I should get a part time job I thought. I hated to feel like a kid - depending on my allowance for the money, and feeling scared that I'm not gonna have enough cash to pay for stuff, when I took Mare out. That's it, it's decided then – I'm gonna get an after school job I thought.


	37. Chapter 37

**_Ok I'm really trying to keep my promise and update every week:) I'm not getting as many reviews as before:( I guess that's the price I have to pay for taking such a huge break from this story:( So, if you like it, please reveiw - it's much appreciated. Thanks to those who emailed me - it means a lot. And Die an Outsider don't worry about it. Exams suck I know, believe me so you'll review whenever you get a chance:)))_**

It was a regular Thursday afternoon. I just got out of school, and was walking to Johnny's. It was snowing hard and, I was thankful that it wasn't too far. This time it was that hard, nasty snow, and not the soft nice one like it was the other day. The wind was blowing the snow right into my face, and it was scratching my skin. It was slippery too, and I was sort of sliding my way through, rather than walking.

"Hey," Johnny greeted, as I walked in, "its nasty out."

"Yeah," I agreed. It was nice and warm inside, and I kind of envied Johnny that he got to stay here today, and didn't have to go anywhere.

"You want something to eat?" Johnny asked.

"Naw," I replied. I didn't have much of an appetite.

"So how is Darry doing?" Johnny asked as we were sprawled on the floor, watching TV.

"He went back to work." I replied. "He's much better now."

About an hour later the door opened, and Carol walked in. She was never home this early, and somehow I just knew this had to do with Angela. Carol looked pissed. She rarely was, but today clearly was the day. Her hair was kind of messed up from the wind and wet from the melting snow. She kept dropping things too. First she accidentally dropped her bag on the floor, when she meant to put it on the chair. Then, as she was passing in the hallway on her way into the kitchen, she bumped into the mirror stand and knocked a few things down. "Shit," she cursed, bending to pick it up. It was a bunch of hairclips and combs and stuff like that. Johnny and I just kept raising our eyebrows.

"Don't mind me guys," she said, getting back up, and walking into the kitchen. She clearly was worked up over something. You could hear it in her voice. It sounded irritated and frustrated.

A minute later we heard the sound of glass breaking against the floor and another "shit" following it. When we walked in to the kitchen, Carol was standing in the middle - her coat still on, and she was trying to light up a cigarette, pressing her lighter frantically, like a million times, but it still wouldn't work. Right by her feet there was a pile of broken glass, which I recognized as what used to be her favorite cup.

"Bad day, huh?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, you could say that." She sounded calmer this time. She put down the cigarette, quickly took her coat off, and kneeled to pick up the glass. She had the bigger pieces of the glass in her hand and was trying to get the smaller ones, but then she just dropped them all back on the floor, and just plopped on the floor right next to it, leaning her back against one of the cupboards.

"I can't believe it," she said, shaking her head. "I just can't believe it." She sounded frustrated gain. "They ordered Angela to stay in a girl's home."

"For good?" Johnny asked shocked, not even letting her finish. I started to get the idea that Johnny cared for Angela a little too much.

"No," Carol replied. "It's while they actually decide if her mother qualifies for state aid. Now that her dad doesn't have anything," she paused, "so it's only for a week or so," she continued. "But they promised, they promised that she could stay with her mother for that time. Until they reach the decision." She sighed heavily.

"The first time they tried to get her there she split." Carol smiled, "that's when she stayed the night here, remember?" We both nodded.

"So, I went over there, and reasoned with them to let her stay with her mother for this week, until final decision is reached, and they promised, they _promised_," she stressed the word 'promised', "that they would, but today all of the sudden they said they couldn't do that. It's against some regulations."

"Johnny you are so doing the right thing." She was now looking at Johnny, smiling, "you don't need to deal with any of this. I know you may feel like you are in prison here, not being able to go anywhere, but in soon you'll be free and you won't have to deal with any custody issues."

Johnny winced at the word prison. "This ain't no prison," he assured her, "my folks' place that's the prison - not this."

"Thanks Johnny," she smiled, getting up from the floor, and looking less frustrated now. "Now you guys go on doing whatever you've been doing. I'll pick up this mess." She said, smiling again.

We went back to the living room, and heard Carol yelling from the kitchen, "You guys, you didn't eat anything again. Guess you are sick of mashed potatoes. Huh?" When we didn't reply she just yelled again, "oh well, I'm ordering pizza then."

The pizza arrived pretty soon. We were eating, watching TV and talking at the same time. When the movie ended, we kind of just talked about this and that, and I don't' remember how, but we got to talking about Carol, and her childhood. How she was growing up and stuff, and how she knew she wanted to be a social worker. Turns out she went to college all the way in New York, to a good school too. She went to NYU. She went on a scholarship - there was no way her parents could afford to pay for that.

"So why did you come back here?" I asked surprised, "I'm sure you could get any job you wanted after graduating from NYU. You could be living in New York in a decent neighborhood now."

"Don't say that Ponyboy," she hushed me. "Think about it. I'm much more needed here, than out there. Three are so many people working in this field over there. But there are only a few of us here. And a lot of kids that have all sorts of problems here. I mean, its not like I haven't thought of staying there." She added. "But at the end I decided to come back."

"I get it." I nodded. It was stupid of me not to think of that. If she wasn't here, then all we would have would be those tide asses social service people that came to my house to check on us, and fake social workers like the one Two-Bit was telling me about before.

"How is it?" Johnny asked quietly.

"What? New York? How is it? Well,…," she was thoughtful for a while…, "It's real big. But after all it's all separated in many different neighborhoods. Kind of like cities inside the city. Some are very rich and fancy with arrogant jerks living there. Kind of like the west side here. Some are real poor. And all kinds of criminals and drug dealers live there. Others are decent.

And there are people from different countries over there. From all over the world. It's more like a huge airport. You know how there are people from all over the world at the airport, and everyone is just going on about their own business, waiting for their flight. That's how New York is. Everyone is just going about their own business. You pass by people on the street, and you don't even know who they are or where they are from. It can get really lonely over there."

"Well, I've never been to the airport," Johnny said, "but I could imagine how it is. I still wish I could go there," he added dreamingly. "Maybe not to live there, but to visit."

"Do they have the rivalry between the rich and the poor over there?" I asked. I've heard stories from people about gang wars in New York, and seen a couple of movies about it. But movies are movies. I wanted to hear form the person who actually been there.

"Sure." She said. "They are _**all**_ fighting over there. The rich with the rich, and with the poor. And the gangs from the poor neighborhoods are fighting amongst themselves too. Its funny really." She said, "and sad too."

"So it's just like here then?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's just like here. Only bigger." She said with a smile.

It was getting dark, and I had to go home. It got dark early this time of the year, and I needed to go before it would get really dark. I didn't need to get jumped by some soc that sure would take advantage of the darkness, or get mugged by some hood from our side of town, who was broke and needed some money to get booze. Of course I didn't have any money on me, but he wouldn't know that would he? I said my good-byes and got going.

On my way back I was thinking about New York - a huge place that's like a huge airport, where everyone is going about their own business. And some people are filthy rich, while others are really poor. Is there a way to be in the middle, I thought. To just have enough, but not too much. And more importantly, is there a way not to be judged by others, and not to be looked down at?


	38. Chapter 38

**_A/N Ok, here is another update. Again thanks to everyone who is reading! I was a little pressed for time, so I'm sorry if there are some spelling or other errors. I tried to fix as much as I could:) So, here we go enjoy!_**

Next day after school, instead of going to see Johnny I was walking towards 8th street - the middle class neighborhood, where Jesse worked these days. He worked at a diner as a waiter. Said the place is always packed and people leave pretty good tips.

When I walked in, the place was crowded, and there were lots of waiters and busboys walking around. Jesse wasn't one of them though. I kind of felt out of place - most of them were much older than me. I felt awkward and kind of self-conscious, but I put all the effort to look tuff, and came up to one of the waiters, and asked in a tough voice if he knew where Jesse was. He sized me up with his eyes, and kind of smirked. Then he yelled in a loud voice for someone to go get Jesse for me. He then left to take an order or something, and I just stood there waiting, feeling uneasy.

Soon enough Jesse came out from the back. What if he's going to be mad at me for just showing up like that at the place where he works?

"Hi," he said, and he sounded friendly. "What's going on?" Before I answered though, he waved to one of the guys "I'm on my break 'til 4, tell the big man if he asks."

"Ok," the guy answered.

Jesse led me outside. "So, what's up?" he said, lighting his cigarette, and offering me one.

"No, thanks." I shook my head, and then I didn't know how to start. Jesse was looking at me expectantly.

"Well," I blurted out, "I'm looking for a part time job, and I was wondering if this place needed a bus boy." I was cursing myself for coming in like that. It looked like the place was full of people and it didn't seem like they needed anymore.

"Yeah, they may hire you," Jesse said exhaling the smoke. "You ever worked as a busboy before?"

"No, I shook my head again."

"Never mind," he said. "Stay here." He grounded his cigarette, and went inside. I saw him talking to some fat guy, probably the boss. He was pointing and nodding in my direction.

In about 5 minutes Jesse came back out, holding some papers and a pen in his hands. He motioned for me to come in.

"I just talked to the boss, put in a good word for you, ya know?" He grinned slyly. "Can you start today?"

"Sure," I said, not believing what I was hearing. Just like that Jesse went in, and got me a job.

"Oh, you still got to fill in this junk though. Just for 'em to keep it on file and shit." He said, giving me the papers he was holding, which turned out to be the application.

"Bring it up to the counter when you are done." He said, handing me the pen.

"Ok," I nodded.

"Your brother ok with this?" Jesse asked when I was handing him my application.

"We didn't exactly discuss it, I don't think it's really up to him to decide." I replied. He only chuckled in response.

"So," he said then, "you are not gonna ask?"

"What?"

"You are not gonna ask how much they are paying?", Jesse laughed.

"Oh," of course I wanted to know how much they were paying, but I felt kind of awkward asking. A bus boy job usually pays around 7 or 8 bucks per hour. So I figured that's what the pay would be. (A/N I don't know what the pay rates and prices were back then. So, I'm using current time rates.)

"They start you at 6.50." Jesse said, "and in about three months they up you to 7 I know it's not much, but that's how they start all the busboys around here, you dig?"

"Sure," I nodded again.

"C'mon now, I'll show you where the stuff is." He led me to the back, where I left my bag, and put on the uniform, which was really only some cheesy looking apron with the logo of the diner on it. That sure makes me look tuff, I thought, but everyone was wearing one, and that made me feel better.

So, for the rest of the day I was cleaning tables and sweeping the floor and helping around with some other stuff. From time to time, I'd mess something up, and someone would make a joke. The guys that worked there weren't too friendly at all. I didn't let them get to me though. I just kept doing my job. At one point the fat guy, the boss came up to me, and introduced himself. He said that I can come in every other day for the rest of the week, and that by the end of the week, he'd work out my schedule, which was just dandy with me.

When it was time to leave, I was really tired. Jesse's shift was over a few hours before, so I came outside all alone. It was dark and chilly out, and I was rushing towards the bus stop. When I got there, it was empty - not a single person around. I've been waiting for about 10 minutes, and the bus still didn't show up. I was getting frustrated.

Suddenly I saw a figure approaching the bus stop. It was a girl. She was wearing a jacket, and the hood on. She was having a hard time walking through the snow, and kept stumbling, and almost fell a few times. She didn't see me, and when she came up closer, the light from the street light lit up her face, and even though she was wearing a hood, I recognized the girl as Angela. What is she doing here at this hour, I wondered? Wait isn't she supposed to be in a girls' home. She must be running away, AGAIN!

Right at that moment she noticed me, and recognized me too. I didn't know what to expect. Knowing her, she probably would curse me out, or say something really obnoxious. To my surprise though, she came up closer to me, and asked me for a quarter so she could take the bus.

I felt blood rush to my temples. She's got some nerve. The other day she was cursing me out, and calling Johnny a coward, but now when she needs something, she is asking me for help. And she's acting all nice and vulnerable. Screw that.

"So, do you have a quarter?" she repeated.

"I got a quarter," I replied, and my voice sounded mean like it almost never does, "but what makes you think I got to give it to you?"

She looked confused, - "What are you talking about?"

"You got short memory, I see." I said. "You insult people, and then you don't even remember that, and you are asking them for help. Or are you just playing dumb? And aren't' you supposed to be somewhere else right now?" I cleared my throat knowingly.

"That's none of your damn business." She snapped. That's more like it I thought. That's her real personality coming through.

"So, you are gonna give me a quarter or not?" She asked again. "Even crude like you can understand that I can't walk all the way home from here."

"You can walk all the way to the north pole, for all I care," I said disdainfully, and turned away from her, so that she now was facing my back. I was mad. She is a user. She insulted me and Johnny the other day, and now she is asking me for help.

About another 15 minutes had passed, and the bus still was not there. This happens a lot during the weather like today – snow and wind and all of that. I felt really pissed. And the fact that Angela was here too was adding to my aggravation. I could just feel her standing there, behind me and piercing into me with her eyes. It got much colder and much darker too.

Finally, I saw the bus approaching. I sighed in relief. The bus stopped, and I proceeded to walk to the doors. In the corner of the eye, I saw Angela just standing there all alone.

"Here," I quickly grabbed a quarter out of my pocket, and placed it in her palm reluctantly. Then I just turned away, and quickly walked inside the bus. I was mad. I didn't want to give her the quarter, but I just couldn't leave her out there all by herself. I really must be soft, I guess. I felt her walking right behind me.

The bus was empty. There were 2 more passengers besides us, and that's it. Please don't seat next to me, I thought, sitting down. She didn't – good. I was looking at the window, thinking what a hypocrite this girl is, calling Johnny a coward for what he did, and now she's running away, and she's wearing a hood and everything 'cause she doesn't want anyone to recognize her. I was trying not to look in her direction, but I could still see her in the corner of my eye. She wasn't looking in my direction either, but every now and then she would give a quick glance at me, and then turn back around.

It was my stop, so I went upfront closer to the exit. She started getting up too. Shoot, she's getting off here too, I thought. I got off the bus in silence, determined not to say anything to her.

"Thanks for the quarter," she yelled from behind me, but her voice sounded more angry than thankful, and before I could think of what to reply, she kept yelling, "you really didn't have to make all that fuss about it." I couldn't believe _she _was acting mad. I should've just left her freeze to do death down at the bus stop.

"You are such a hypocrite," I yelled on top of my lungs. She turned around startled.

"Did you say something? 'Cause all I heard was some pathetic blab."

"I said you are a hypocrite," and my voice sounded firm and cold. "Look at you walking around with that hood on, hoping people won't recognize you. And you had the nerve calling Johnny a coward for doing the same thing."

"It's not the same thing. We have different reasons for dong that." She replied.

"Exactly! – He has a million more reasons to be doing that than you do."

"I'm only doing it 'cause if someone sees me they'll bring me back to that God awful place, but I'm gonna go back there anyway after I visit my brother and my mom. I'm going back for the night only. And comes morning I'll be back there. But he's hiding out _forever_, like he doesn't exist. He faked his own death for God's sakes. If that's not a coward, then I don't know what is."

"He didn't fake nothing!" I cut her off. "It was an accident. And he isn't doing it _forever._ He's only waiting 'til he's 18, so he doesn't have to go back to his old man, who beat him." She winced, and looked a little lost.

"And he sure is NOT a coward. You don't even know his whole story."

"Yeah, why don't you tell me." She said sarcastically.

"Forget you…" I said, and turned around walking away.

"Thought so," she yelled from behind me. "You've got nothing to say so now you just walk away."

"Ok," I said, slowly turning back around, and walking back towards her, you want to hear the whole story you got it. I grabbed her hand and started walking dragging her after me. "What the hell are you doing?" she screamed.

"You said you wanted to hear it, so lets go sit down somewhere. I'll tell you the whole story, or are you suddenly scared to walk with me?"

"Me? Scared of you? Please," she mocked, "even I could take you." She snickered. That sure wasn't true, but I didn't even care to bother with that at the moment. I kept dragging her after me. Stumbling through the snow.

"Here," I finally stopped right in front of the fountain, where the socs were trying to drown me. The whole thing was now covered with thin layer of ice. "This is where they tried to drown me. Johnny was beat up all the way in the back . He came up here, and stabbed one of them. He could've just ran, you know, but he stayed, and stabbed one of them so they'd let me go. Do you call that coward?"

"And he lived at home with his old man," I continued, "who beat him all the time with a 2 by 4, and Johnny didn't even cry. Is that a coward?" I knew Johnny didn't want anyone to know about the beatings, but I needed all the proof I could give her.

"Did you know that?" I repeated, not looking at her, but suddenly I was cut off by her "I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I had no idea."

I hadn't been looking at her the whole time I was talking, but now I looked up. She took the hood off, and under the street lights I could see her face real good. She was really pretty. That disdainful expression was gone from her face. She was very pretty. Her hair was curling on the sides and it was wet from the melting snow. I could also see some water right under her eyes and some on the cheeks, but I wasn't sure if it was melted snow or tears.

"Forget about what I said before," she said quietly. "I say all kinds of stuff all the time. I don't mean nothing by it, really. That's just … that's just how I am." She added."

"Ok," I nodded. I was actually quite impressed by her. It takes guts to apologize like that. "C'mon I'll walk you home. It's too dark for you to be walking alone." I said.

We were walking in silence. "Carol is nice," she said, as we were passing Carol's house since Angela lived in that area too.

"Yeah," I nodded, "she's real nice."

"Please don't tell her…" she said pleadingly.

"I won't" I said friendly.

"My dad…," she said then, and stopped, looking down at the snow, "he's a real jerk. I don't feel bad for what I did ". She added with a little mischievous smile. "He deserves it. Trust me," she reassured me, "he deserves it! I can't imagine how your friend lived with a father like that. I'd run away or something."

"He thought about it many times." I said, as we started walking again, "but he didn't really have anywhere to run to. At least he has his friends here."

"I guess so," she shrugged.

"Hey, don't ever mention to Johnny that I told you. He doesn't …"

"I know," she interrupted, "I won't mention it."

"So you are going to go back in the morning?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have to." She nodded as she walked towards the front porch. "Thanks for walking me."

"Sure," I shrugged and turned around and started walking back.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N Ok here is chapter 39. I am very proud of my regular updates. I've been able to keep it up for almost 2 months now:) Again thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing. This chapter was very long, so I broke it down into 2. That's why the ending is a little sudden:)**

I guess Angela is all right when you get to know her, I thought as I was walking back to my house. Hope Darry is not going to give me a run around about coming in so late .He got to trust me more by now. He even extended my curfew by a whole 2 hours. I hate having a curfew all together though. Curly Shepard doesn't have any curfew at all. And it's been like that for as long as I know him. Even when he was much younger.

Darry was sitting in the armchair and seemed to be caught deep in his thoughts.

"Hi," I said, walking in.

"Huh?" He looked up absent mindedly, "oh, hi"

Something was bugging Darry, I could tell.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing…well…" he said clearing his throat, "I been by the jewelry shop today, and I really don't know what to get her. I want her to like it and I don't want her to think that I have bad taste, or better yet that I'm cheap." He sounded kind of embarrassed, and was shifting his eyes. It was kind of funny. "I was thinking…," he paused for a second, "this gold necklace, but I want you and Soda take a look at it before I get it.

"Darry," I said, "How come you've been dating her all this time and, you haven't noticed that she only wears silver? She prefers silver over gold."

"Really?" He sounded embarrassed, "I didn't notice."

I chuckled at that. "I have an idea." I said. "How about we'll stop by the shop on Saturday or something, and we'll take Mare with us. She's got really good taste."

He was silent, and looked kind of embarrassed. He wouldn't want to admit to Mare that he didn't have that great of taste, and needed help.

"All right, I guess." He finally said, "Since she's a girl."

With that we each went to our rooms and, I heard Darry give out yet another heavy sigh before he closed the door behind him. I smiled at t Darry being all worked up about Carol's present. He must really like her. I smiled again. I really liked Carol, and I was happy that Darry got someone like her. He deserves it. And to think she's older than him by a couple of years. I chuckled.

Wait, what am _I_ going to get Carol, I thought. I got a job true, but I have no idea what to get her. I can't get jewelry like Darry, 'cause that's the kind of stuff only your boyfriend can get you. Shit, and _he_ is stressing out? He got off easy, which I can't say about myself. Shit, I am going to have to talk to Johnny about that. Thank God we still got plenty of time.

When I got up Saturday morning, Darry was up already. He's always up before me, but this was different. He already had breakfast, and was dressed to go.

"Hey," he cleared his throat, "if you don't mid, can you hurry up? I just want to get this over with."

"Fine," I said, pouring some milk on my cereal. We let Soda sleep. He came home real late last night. Been out with Diana.

We picked Maryanne up on the way. "Hi, Darry," she said, "how are doing?" This was the first time she'd seen Darry after the accident..

"Iim fine."

She came up closer, and I put my arm around her shoulder. I did it out of habit. I always do it when she's around. But this time Darry was around too, and I should've thought better of it. I saw him smirk in the rear view mirror.

Finally, we were at the jewelry shop.

"This is the one I've been thinking about." Darry said ,pointing to one of the necklaces in the window. I thought it was outright ugly, but I wasn't going to say that. We both looked at Mare. She was trying to hide disappointment. She didn't like it either.

"Dare," I said, "I told you she only wears silver, not gold."

"Which one would you get?" He asked Mare, ignoring my previous comment. She hesitated, but only a few seconds, and then said confidently – "that one." She was pointing at a silver one in the corner. I didn't even notice that one at first. It was a very gentle sterling silver with a locket shaped as a heart, and a tiny little ruby in the middle.

It was nice. It wasn't too plain, and it wasn't too flashy. Marianne did have a good taste.

Darry was paying for the necklace, and Mare and I were walking behind him. We were passing more sections with women's,' and then men's jewelry.

"I'll get me one of those," I suddenly blurted out, pointing at one of the guys' silver hoop earrings. I don't know where that came from, and I felt my cheeks getting real hot as I said it. Mare just about fell to the floor form laughing.

"What? You don't think I'll look tuff?" I asked, smiling and feeling my cheeks return to their natural color.

When she was able to calm down from laughter, she came up closer and kind of sized me up with her eyes, smirking. "Yeah," she said, "I like an earring on a guy." She quickly looked around, making sure no one is looking, and most importantly that Darry isn't looking. Then she kind of grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, and gave me a quick kiss. I felt my cheeks get hot again, and I also felt that I was grinning so uncontrollably widely, but there was just nothing I could do about that.

Mare giggled.

"What?" I asked again.

"Nothing…," she chuckled, "you…," and then chuckled again. At that moment I noticed from the corner of my eye that Darry was done paying, and was standing uncomfortably, pretending to be looking at the necklace, but really waiting for us to finish up. Finally our eyes met and he kind of rolled his eyes, and motioned for me to hurry up.

We drove by Mare's house, and I felt like spending the rest of the day with her, rather than going back home with Darry. So as she was getting out of the car, I got out too, shooting a quick 'I'll be back later' to Darry.

"Just where exactly are you going?" Mare said jokingly, "you weren't invited."

"I'm inviting myself," I stated, as I walked right behind her. I caught on with her right by the fence, and pulled her close to me giving her a kiss.

"C'mon," she said, "I've got an idea." She said suddenly going inside.

When we were inside and got our jackets off and everything she brought in a small metal box and set it on her desk.

"What's that?" I asked puzzled – she smiled and opened up the box.

"I'm going to get your ear pierced."

"You what?" I gasped. I was totally caught off guard.

"Yeah, she smiled," visibly pleased with her idea. "I know how to do it. My mom's friend did mine, and she taught me how to do it too. I did Matt's, and his is just fine."

I looked inside the metal box. There were a few needles of different thickness inside. I remembered Matt. He actually had a few piercings - 3 or maybe 4, I couldn't remember. So Mare, did those, huh, I smiled.

"So?" She said expectantly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Sure," I said.

"Ok, wait here." She said, smiling. She was clearly enjoying this. She left the room but came back right away with yet another small box.

"These were for Matt," she said, placing the box on the desk, "but he never wanted them. He's got a lot of his own junk." She rolled her eyes slightly while talking about her brother. I chuckled.

She opened the box, and took out a pair of brand new silver hoops. They were just the right size too. Really small - just the way I liked it.

"They are almost like the ones you wanted to get at the shop this morning." She said. "Yeah," I nodded. "You sure Matt wouldn't mind?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't want any beef with hr brother.

"I told you, they've been sitting in his drawer for years now. Ok I got to sterilize the needle." She added quickly, grabbing the metal box, and going into the kitchen.

When she returned, she was holding the sterilized needle in one hand and a small syringe in the other. She placed everything on a clean paper towel sheet.

"Ok, now" she said.

"What's the syringe for?"

"Local anesthesia." She said, coming closer, raising the syringe in her hand.

She came up closer, and wet a cotton swab in the liquid from the bottle and rubbed it on my earlobe. She was standing so close and right across from me – I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her waist – "C'mon Pony," she giggled, trying to get out of my embrace, still holding the syringe in her hand. "C'mon, you are going to ruin it." She laughed. I merely locked my arms in an arm lock around her waste.

"Ok don't blame me if it comes out ugly." She warned. She then tried to unlock my arms, and then tried to open each finger separately one by one – yeah, right. She's a girl and so that would never happen. I chuckled at her struggling to unlock my fingers.

"C'mon stop playing Pony, or are you just scared of that needle?" She raised the syringe again.

"Yeah, that's it." I said sarcastically, pulling her even closer, and giving her a kiss on the shoulder. She gave me an "urgh" sound, sounding frustrated. She was so cute when she was doing that.

Finally, I released my arms – "ok nurse, patient is ready." I tilted my head to make it more comfortable for her to reach my ear.

"See its all dry now." She said frustrated. Then she wet the cotton swab again and rubbed it on my earlobe again. Then she brought up the syringe closer - "Sit still." She ordered, and before I could make some wise ass comment, she inserted the needle.

"Ouch"

We waited a few minutes for the anesthesia to work, and then she took the other needle. The one form the metal box.

"Do you want it closer up front, or more to the back?" She asked. I showed her where exactly I wanted the piercing to be. And she started to insert the needle. It was so nice to have her standing next to me like that, and feel her warm fingers on my ears.

"Done," she concluded, and turned my head around. She then took out the earrings out of the other box, took one off, wiped it with the cotton ball and then carefully inserted it into the piercing.

"Oh my …" she smiled widely sizing me up with her eyes.

"C'mon I want to see." I got up, and rushed up to the mirror stand on the other side of the room. I really, and I mean really liked what I saw. It made me look real tough and tuff, and like older. I dunno, like not such a kid anymore.

"So?" Mare asked from behind me. I turned around, wrapping my arms around her and gave her a really long kiss. She started putting all the stuff away: the metal box, and the syringe and all that.

She was carrying it all back into the kitchen, and I was walking behind her. On the way to the kitchen, we were passing by Matt's room. And to my surprise, the door was opened. I could see a mess in there. Kind of reminded me of Two-Bit's room. The bed was made, but all the clothes were all over the floor. And there were his records everywhere. They were spread on the bed, piled up on the desk, piled up in the corners of the room, and on the shelves, and some were taken out of their covers.

Then I noticed his guitar in one of the corners of the room. While Mare was still in the kitchen, I quickly got into the room and grabbed the guitar. I felt such an urge to try it out in front of Mare. Johnny and I been practicing for a while now, and could do a few songs. I knew I wasn't up to the standard yet, but who knows that may take forever, and I wanted to do this here and now.

I was wrecking my brain for what song to play. Now which song?

"Pony?" I heard Mare calling me from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I yelled back, trying to buy me some time. I heard her approaching, and I quickly went back to Mare's room.

"Oh," she said, "I thought you were following me into the kitchen."

"Naw," I said, "I was still in here the whole time."

"Oh, ok" she said, walking in, and before she could even say anything, seeing me with the guitar in my hands, I started playing and singing. I remembered this song by Peter Frampton . It goes like this "Oh baby I love your way. I want to be with you night and day." (A/N the timing on this song is a little off. I think it came out a little later, but I thought it is a really good fit with the kind of song Pony was looking for:))

She giggled, "I didn't know you could do that. When'd you learn it?"

"Want to be with you night and day," I continued singing, ignoring her question.

She plopped down on the couch next to me, clearly impressed.

"Me and Johnny been practicing for awhile." I said tuffly. She shot me a weird look that in the 1st few seconds I didn't even get. Then it hit me - she doesn't know about Johnny.


	40. Chapter 40

Ok, I updated, I updated:) AngelTwilly thanks for pushing me to do so. And Die an Outsider - you are amazing as always:) How did your exams go?

Here we go enjoy and leave me some reviews:)

I put the guitar aside, and said in a serious voice, "see don't freak out now, but Johnny is alive." She looked like she didn't know how to react. She wasn't sure if she should laugh at me, be scared or call the ambulance.

"C'mon Mare, we've been through this before. Just hear me out."

"Ok." She said seriously, and sitting back down. I was confident I could tell her about Johnny. Should've done it long time ago. I trusted her. Her knowing can't hurt Johnny in any way, and I know for sure she won't tell anyone.

"Remember that day when I ran out on you at the diner?" I stated, and she nodded uncomfortably, not sure where I was going with this. So I told her the whole story - everything. How I accidentally met Johnny at the diner that night, and how he lived at the cemetery and didn't want to come back, and how he lived at Carol's, and how Darry found out, and then how Johnny and I told the gang.

When I finished, she was in quite a shock. "So he's really alive?" She whispered, covering her lips with her palm in amazement.

"Yeah," I whispered back, and I don't know why I was whispering.

"This is unbelievable," she whispered again. She was clearly shaken up by this news.

Then she grabbed my hand, and said, "I swear, I won't tell anyone, Ponyboy. You don't got to worry about that, you dig?"

"I know," I said smiling, "now would you release my hand please? You are squeezing it a bit too hard.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said smiling embarrassingly, and releasing my hand.

Just then Matt stuck his head into the room. "Who you got in here Mare?" We must've not heard how he walked in. We were too involved in our conversation.

"Oh, its you." He said turning to me, and his eyes immediately went to the guitar. I felt like a kid who stole someone else's toy.

"You're learning to play or what?" He asked slyly, sitting down on the couch between me and Mare. I was glad he wasn't giving me a run around about his guitar, but I wasn't so glad that I was not sitting next to Mare anymore.

"So show me what you got." Matt teased, literally placing the guitar into my hands.

"Oh, this is getting interesting." Mare said playfully, getting up from the couch, and sitting across from us.

So I started doing a different song. Doing that "oh baby I love your way" one would be just plain weird in front of Matt.

"All right for starters." He admitted. "You got a few chords wrong though. Here, let me show you." He took the guitar.

"Here, on the 2nd verse its got to be Dm, not D, and at the end its not Fm, its also Dm." He showed the cord to me.

"And then you got to do your transitions from chord to chord much smoother. Like this." He started playing the same song.

He was right. It did sound smooth and not chopped up like mine. His fingers were sliding across the frets nicely and with such an ease. And he wasn't even looking at the frets as he was doing it. Maybe just a quick glance here and there. I envied him for being able to play so well. He must've caught the look in my, eyes 'cause he chuckled, and said, giving the guitar back to me "Don't worry kid. You'll get it . I've been playing forever, ya know."

He got up, preparing to leave, and then noticed my earring. "Mare did that?" He smirked, pointing at it. I nodded. He only laughed, shook his head, not saying anything, and then left the room.

"Mare," I said as I was leaving, "hey, do you think Matt would want to work with Darry on his projects? He got promoted, and he needs people for his projects."

"You mean as a carpenter?" she said amazed, "he'd be a fool not to. You really mean that Pony?"

Yeah, I nodded. I didn't want to tell her that Darry didn't really think that Matt was a good candidate for this job, but I was determined to talk him into giving Matt a chance.

"I'll talk to him – you don't know how much it would mean to me, if my brother finally starts putting his life together. He's good with his hands, and he can learn really fast" She added. "You really meant that Pony?" She said again.

"Yeah," I nodded uncomfortably.

"I'll talk to him right now, and I'll drag him over there myself if I have to."

"I'll call you tonight." I said, giving her a kiss.

"Ok." she smiled.

I got home around 8. Soda was home. When he saw the earring, he started laughing hysterically.

"Darry, you gotta come over here," he yelled, pointing at the earring.

"What's all this noise about?" Darry asked walking into the room. Then he followed with his eyes in the direction that Soda was pointing, which was at my earring, of course.

For a second he had kind of confused look on his face. Then he asked blankly, "where did you get it done?"

"Mare did it." I said tuffly. I was kind of proud of the fact that Maryanne did it for me.

He rolled his eyes – "Was the needle sterilized?" he asked then.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. Out of all the things that he could've asked, _this_ is what he was asking.

"Don't roll your eyes at me." He said dryly, "you can get a major infection if it's not sterilized. Did you know that? Huh?"

"Yeah," I said, "I knew that. I'm not in 3rd grade. And yes it _was_ sterilized."

At that time the door opened, and Steve and Two-Bit walked in.

"Hey," they nodded, and then Two-Bit's gaze went immediately to the earring.

"Shoot kid, I didn't know you were into stuff like that." Two-Bit said, clearly surprised. "Stuff like what?" I asked.

"You know, piercings and stuff like that. Is that the only place you got it on?"

Darry smacked him across the back of his head, hard for saying that. And Steve was laughing outloud.

"What are you laughing at?" Two-Bit whined.

"You are disgusting, Two-Bit," I merely offered. "Maryanne knows how to do this, and she did it for me. That's all. And yes this is _THE_ _ONLY_ place."

"Aw, that's too bad," he replied with mocked sorrow in his voice, "'specially if Maryanne was the one making the piercing." At this point Darry shot him a look that said – 'If you don't shut up right this second, you can consider yourself dead.'

"It does look nice," Two-Bit then offered. "Can she do one for me?"

I expected him to say something disgusting again, like how he wanted Mare to get him a piercing on some other parts of his body or something. So, I was prepared to smack him myself this time. But to my surprise, all he said was, "C'mon, you know I'm only teasing. I do want one in my ear though. So, if it's not too much trouble maybe she _could_ do it for me, huh?" He was totally serious.

"Sure," I shrugged. "I'll talk to her and let you know."

"Thanks kid."

"Maybe I should get me one too," Soda piped in, and Darry rolled his eyes.

"It does look kind of tuff." Steve admitted, sizing me up.

That made me feel real good. Even Steve admitted that it looked tuff. The cocky and rough Steve Randlle was admitting that _I_ looked tuff.

When I visited Johnny the next time, he opened the door, while sipping Pepsi out of the bottle. After just one brief glance at me, he choked on it, and almost tripped too. He had to hold on to the mirror stand. Otherwise he would've been on the floor in one second.

He was pointing at the earring, and shaking his head as in disbelief, not knowing what to say.

"C'mon man, Maryanne did it for me the other day," I said, feeling my cheeks redden. "It's not a big deal."

"I'm sure it's not a big deal." Johnny teased, chuckling. "Oh, I wish Carol was here to see this."

"Oh please, give me a break," I rolled my eyes.

"Can't wait to tell her though," he teased again.

"Urgh," I sighed, rolling my eyes, and smiling at Johnny's reaction at the same time, as I was following him into the living room.


End file.
